Cold Feet?

[Blue_star]

I'm so upset and confused when my ex found out I was pregnant he wanted to be apart of the babies life so much, wanted to give it his last name always talked about things like it would be part of his family how he would love it. He is 21 i'm 22.

Now all the sudden he's switched too "I don't want to be a dad and I might have to move away i'm getting kicked out". It's like he is bi-polar he is done this to me before he is very on and off about things...

He always told me he'ed never be one to leave his child if he ever had one and he'ed want his child to know him..


Now all the sudden he's just giving up on me while i'm almost 16 weeks pregnant. He took such good care of me now the past two weeks he's pulled this. I told him in all honestly how I felt and that I didn't want him to leave.

Should I ever expect to hear from him again? or expect him to want to see my baby ever? has this happened to anyone else.. This is a horrible time for him to just move away I hope he doesn't.

 

[Dezireey]

My FOB said right at the beginning, when I told him I was possibly pregnant ''whatever happens we will do this together' and when I said I was keeping the baby he said things like ' you cant do this alone, even though I dont want kids, you need me right now'. So he knew what he was doing was wrong as he got terribly drunk for the first two weeks and cried and cried and then told me he didnt want to be a dad so we had to break up ( he is 38! why hadnt he had a vasectomy then?)

He and I talk on and off, he acts totally off whack from one week to the next, now says hes moving to the US but been saying that for three months. In one breath he tells me he misses me and is sad without me, next he is flirting with girls on facebook and the latest now is three long e- mails about what he has been up to and being nostalgic about us ( no mention of baby).

Headfucked if you ask me? he is acting like a boy not a man and I have just lost all patience with him to be honest. Leave your FOB well alone hun, at the very least he sounds confused, you just dont have the luxury right now of pandering to his changeable personality, you have a baby to think of, which makes us ladies very focused in life. They really are the ones missing out. This ( i think) is their twisted way of trying to deal with the guilt. They think if they run away from it all, it will go away, it wont and they will realise that when its too late . hugs xx

 

[lemontree12]

My fob where together 4yrs! Our little bundle was a surprise and he was not happy when we found out! He said that he would never leave me, it would be me that left him with how he would deal with things! A few weeks later I was asked to leave his family home leaving me with nothing! And now a few weeks on from that he's in a new relationship! And has never once asked how iv been feeling, doesn't ring me! Doesn't give a shit!
It's so heartbreaking that u think u know someone and they love u not to let u go threw something so scary alone! I was at the hospital on Friday with reduced movements and alot of braxton hicks, and the sad thing I couldn't even being myself to message him because 1. He was prob with his gf 2 he don't actually care and 3 I feel like he's thinking for god sake stop messaging me, 4 he makes me think something like that isnt serious enough
In your case I really don't no what to say! Because I never could predict my out come! Everything that has happened is worsest ever case for me! And I'm stuck on how things are going to work out! Part of me thinks he will ignore me forever (I think that is the likely situation) but then mayb when his gf gets bored and he realises what he has done he will try and make aments! I generally don't know!

Keep ur chin up! It's emotionally so hard and iv found I have days were I feel I can handle anything and never want to hear from fob again! Then I have days I don't want to leave bed! Keeping busy I found helps! If u ever want to chat message me x

 

[Junebug27]

I have been going through the same issue. I am 16 wks tomorrow and a month ago the sperm donor said he didn't think we should see each other anymore. I left him alone for 2 days and then he was back calling and wanting to see me but he still says he is f'ing with my head bc we had only been seeing each other for a mth when I found out I was expecting and he doesn't think he wants a relationship. I know he is going through a lot bc he is divorced and has 2 kids from his marriage and definitely didn't want another baby and this situation is not ideal. at this point I worry only about myself and the baby. He definitely is not telling anyone which makes it hard for me. What qm i supposee to say? Immaculate conception?! If he wants to be around then it's great. If not, we will be fine. I'm not going to chase or beg him. I have a lot of wonderful things in my life and (ideal or not) now I get to be a mom! I just hope the rest of the people in my life will start feeling positive about this!

 

[ZombieQueen]

My husband and I always knew we wanted kids, had talked about it a lot, but we accidently fell pregnant a lot sooner than intended.. he first told me we'd "take care of it" which I refused immediately... Then he was set on adoption, but I couldn't agree with that as we were a happily married couple and I knew we could make things work... At first he was quiet about baby, then spoke a little, I thought he was just scared... Well around 3 months he gave his number to another girl and things got ugly.. he kicked me out knowing full well I'd have to move across the ocean and he'd not be able to meet his daughter for years.. he claims he's thinking of coming for the birth... But has more excuses why he shouldn't than reasons why he should.. this is the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, I have no idea what happened.. I wish I could give you hope for the future, but I've come to realize that the only way to predict future behavior is by looking at past behavior... If he's been hot and cold in the past, chances are if you work things out he will continue to put you through things like this. but I wish you all the best.

 

[Dezireey]

I agree with Zombie, there were subtle signs with my FOB that he was fickle and changeable in other areas of life and he sometimes behaved like a big kid which I used to find funny and endearing but looking back he was acting immature because he IS immature. I think most women just take it for granted that a boyfriend who has shown any caring and nice behaviour towards them will ultimately be an an honourable man. I have found that to not be the case. Most men who bugger off do so because they know they can, we dont have that choice, they do have that particular option and they choose the easier option rather than what they ( rightly) perceive to be a life changing decision. I have no sympathy for them though, they all need to get a backbone and grow up and be real men in my opinion.

 

[jemmie1994]

omg our FOB's sound exactly the same! honestly just leave it is not your job to involve him in his childslife if he wants to be there he will but from sounds of it dont hold your breath hun

 

[Blue_star]

omg our FOB's sound exactly the same! honestly just leave it is not your job to involve him in his childslife if he wants to be there he will but from sounds of it dont hold your breath hun

How old is your FOB? I think mine is Bi-polar he's so nice and caring when he's with me even kisses my belly then pulls this.. He even seemed to love kids (I have little brothers and sisters he used to always play with them when they where 3 and 4).

 

[jemmie1994]

omg our FOB's sound exactly the same! honestly just leave it is not your job to involve him in his childslife if he wants to be there he will but from sounds of it dont hold your breath hun

How old is your FOB? I think mine is Bi-polar he's so nice and caring when he's with me even kisses my belly then pulls this.. He even seemed to love kids (I have little brothers and sisters he used to always play with them when they where 3 and 4).

he's 20 and i think he's bipolar too very unpredictable guy said he'd stand by me first few weeks i was pregnant then changed his mind said he didnt want to be a dad then switched again got so excited and once Evie got here he wasnt interested...he actually takes meds for something so do suspect its bi-polar now but always acted like he loved kids had a little godson who he adored and always said he would never abandon any kids he had

 

[Blue_star]

omg our FOB's sound exactly the same! honestly just leave it is not your job to involve him in his childslife if he wants to be there he will but from sounds of it dont hold your breath hun

How old is your FOB? I think mine is Bi-polar he's so nice and caring when he's with me even kisses my belly then pulls this.. He even seemed to love kids (I have little brothers and sisters he used to always play with them when they where 3 and 4).

he's 20 and i think he's bipolar too very unpredictable guy said he'd stand by me first few weeks i was pregnant then changed his mind said he didnt want to be a dad then switched again got so excited and once Evie got here he wasnt interested...he actually takes meds for something so do suspect its bi-polar now but always acted like he loved kids had a little godson who he adored and always said he would never abandon any kids he had

I feel bad it is a horrible feeling but your life will go on and you'll be happier plus your daughter will love you more and more as she grows up.. My FOB parents don't even know about the baby yet but my mom has actually had enough she contacted his mother because he is too immature to tell his parents he is having a kid and his mother is calling tonight to talk with us and we are going to tell her about the baby.

 

[jemmie1994]

omg our FOB's sound exactly the same! honestly just leave it is not your job to involve him in his childslife if he wants to be there he will but from sounds of it dont hold your breath hun

How old is your FOB? I think mine is Bi-polar he's so nice and caring when he's with me even kisses my belly then pulls this.. He even seemed to love kids (I have little brothers and sisters he used to always play with them when they where 3 and 4).

he's 20 and i think he's bipolar too very unpredictable guy said he'd stand by me first few weeks i was pregnant then changed his mind said he didnt want to be a dad then switched again got so excited and once Evie got here he wasnt interested...he actually takes meds for something so do suspect its bi-polar now but always acted like he loved kids had a little godson who he adored and always said he would never abandon any kids he had

I feel bad it is a horrible feeling but your life will go on and you'll be happier plus your daughter will love you more and more as she grows up.. My FOB parents don't even know about the baby yet but my mom has actually had enough she contacted his mother because he is too immature to tell his parents he is having a kid and his mother is calling tonight to talk with us and we are going to tell her about the baby.

yep life goes on even his grandma agrees we're better off without him there its very tough to be with someone with mental problems but still think it's no excuse for leaving your children, really hope you can work something out and it goes well with his mum tonight . I'd just really hate for you to end up in same position as me i put up with bad treatment for too long just because of the occasional flicker of hope that he would be a good dad and a good boyfriend.