completely scared

[kelleyrn95]

Dec 7, 2011 my Kathryn was "born still." She is my only child. I am turning 42 in July. On April 17th I took a pregnancy test which was positive (and I've taken so many more since then!). I am scared to death...if I'm not nauseated or have sore boobs I think my pregnancy is over! Every time I pee I'm looking for blood! I want to be oblivious again. I joined this site in hopes to connect with others that are going thru the same thing. I have been looking thru some posts...some sad...some hopeful. This little one is due Dec 23 (Kathryn's EDD was 12/29/11)~~I am so happy I'm pregnant and I'm also so very afraid. I had an US at about 7 1/2 weeks to check "viability" and I could see the little one's heart beating (around 150) but I know how fast that can change. How do we find peace thru this? Does anyone know of any facebook groups for pregnancy after loss? I'm a little apprehensive to join groups because I have come across imposters in previous "baby loss" groups.

Thank you for reading

 

[Kasey84]

Hi,
First if all I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little girl...that's heart breaking.

I'm glad to hear that your pregnancy is going well so far and that you were able to get an early ultrasound. I don't have experience with still birth (I had a MC at 14 weeks), but I do understand how scary pregnancy after a loss can be. I got pregnant again 8 months after my loss and thankfully that pregnancy resulted in the birth of my son who is almost 4 weeks old now.

I wish I had some advice on how to ease the worry and fear during PAL, but to be honest it was very scary for me. Despite the reassurances of multiple ultrasounds, regular dr appointments, and even having my own Fetal Doppler at home to listen to the heartbeat, I still worried a lot. Hard as it is, I think it's normal after experiencing a loss. We have felt the heartache and know first hand that things can go wrong...I think that's hard to let go of unfortunately.

I just took things one day at a time and accepted the fact that worry/fear was part of the package. With that being said, I was still able to feel joyful and excited at times and I just cherished those moments.

Most importantly I expressed my fears to my husband and others that I trust. They may not be able to ease your fears, but still talking about it helps. I also spent a lot of time talking with other ladies on here and I found it to be so helpful. I joined a thread with other ladies due around the same time as me. We kept in touch all throughout our pregnancies and still talk now.

I've never come across a support group on Facebook or anywhere else. I hope you find this site to be helpful and supportive. I'm sorry you've encountered imposters before...that's just terrible.

I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way for a wonderful and healthy pregnancy! Feel free to msg me anytime if you want to talk more!

 

[charlie15]

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. But congratulations on your pregnancy. I have one daughter and have had a mmc at 11 weeks and I am petrified of getting pregnant again, but at the same time impatient to get pregnant.

What I wanted to say was, firstly there are so many supportive ladies one here and I am sure you will find some who have been through a very similar experience. My own experience is not similar, however my mother gave birth to my brother who was still born. She then later fell pregnant with me. I remember asking her how she coped with a pregnancy after a still birth, she told me she did as she had to, but never a day went by without a huge amount of anxiety and worry about all things going wrong. So I do think what you are going through is totally to be expected so big hugs and hoping for a healthy, sticky bean for you. I hope you mange to connect with some ladies on here who can maybe offer you more support than I can. X

 

[shirlls]

I am so sorry about your loss . Congratulations on your current pregnancy, i am glad your viability scan went well, although I know it will be almost impossible to take much reassurance from it after what you've been through. I struggle to relax after successful scans and I've only had early miscarriages so I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you.

I know it is easy for me to say, however please tell yourself that there is more chance of things going right than going wrong. I am assuming you will be getting monitored more closely with this pregnancy? If not, then I would speak to your midwife and tell her how you feel as they have a duty of care to you and you need as much support as you can get.

I found these facebook pages which might be relevant? I hope they help.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/203822103050542/

https://www.facebook.com/endstillbirthASAP

All the best and I pray that you will get your rainbow!

xx

 

[kelleyrn95]

Yes, my regular OB (was also my OB with Kathryn) has referred me to a specialist to get another opinion on testing/monitoring. I go at the end of this month...I'm so nervous every single day!

 

[alternatedi]

Kelley, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My own loss happened so early, but I still find myself completely terrified this go round. I've found comfort in 2 things: first, statically the odds really are in our favor. The fear is normal, having been through what you've gone through. But chances are everything will be fine.

My second source of comfort comes from knowing that all the worrying I did the last time around did no help. When I lost that pregnancy, the grief wasn't hampered by the worrying I did beforehand. Keeping that in mind, I'm trying to take this pregnancy day by day, knowing what will be will be whether I'm anxious or carefree.

Best of luck to you and all of us!