confused and tired of all mw hv and doc :( long, sorry

[maajka]

Oliver is now 3 weeks +3 days old and i feel like since he's been born we just experience problems, one by one I get really tired
As he's our first baby, everything is ABSOLUTELY NEW for us.
I started with failure of breastfeeding, that put me really down, i was thinking what kind of mother i am if i even can't manage to feed my baby myself!? At the hospital Oliver's been forced to take a breast by midwifes,then by MIL at home...I think he's been traumatized and after that didn't attached to breast, so i had to give him a bottle on 4th day of his life, for what then i've been criticised by midwifes who were telling me WHY I DID IT??? well probably bcos my baby didn't eat so i had to feed him somehow, no? Now we are on stage where i feed him just with formula (no more breast milk). Since 5th day he has colics, what is sooo frustrated My midwife told me to give him infacol or dentinox, i've started with dentinox, but it was once working once not, then i've changed milk for an aptamil comfort, bottles for dr. browns, and dentinox for infacol, what seemed to work, we had like 3 days of peace! From the beginning, i've been told by midwife to give him as much and as foten milk as he wants, so very qiuckly we arrived to 120ml every 3h (sometimes 2,5h)then, he get red rash on all his body, gp told us they couldn't see him, that we should go to A&E... midwife instead, on the phone, assured as that is normal and we don't have to worry. For that day he started to be very unhappy and upset, he looked so tired but just couldn't asleep, on the next day he started to vomiting, hv told us it's normal and as he was taking around 100-110 ml of formula every 3h we should drop it to 90ml. It didn't work, he was crying for more, and vommiting always more, during the feed, just after, and then even 1,2 h after a feed. Also, he wouldn't settle, if i put him down to sleep, he started arching and crying. Yesterday, we've been in baby clinic to weight him. I've meet my midwife, so i asked her about vommiting, that is getting more and more, she told me about reflux and advised to see a doctor (for last 2 days i started to giving him even 150ml on evening for what she told me is just great!). We went to see a doc, who wasn't sure if it might be a reflux or something else (that he wouldn't explain to us) and sent us to the hospital. AFter 3 hours of waiting at the hospital i've been told by a nurse that i overfeed my baby! he should take 60ml every 3h not 120! another doctor, another consultation, and finally around midnight we've been done without actually knowing what is wrong... I felt really really tired, upset and helpless! On the end, the last doctor said us to drop amount of formula to 75ml... and he will stop vommiting. I gave him during the night 90ml as if i stopped at 75 he just started crying and didn't feel asleep. But still he's waking up every 2-2,5h. Another think, confusing, i've been told by hv to give him boiled water between feeds, midwife adviced me to give him some camomile, the doctor yesterday told me that i absolutely shouldn't give him anything more than milk as he is too small!
I don't know what to do more, and what's more disturbing, what to think, who is right, which advices listen to?? how much milk give him, if he wants more? should i spend now my days and night to listen him crying cos he's not getting how much he wants? or give him more and seeing him unhappy bcos of vommiting?

 

[Raven24]

im sorry your having such a hard time. it is so difficult to know what to do and who to listen to but if they are not listening to you then try seeing another doctor maybe??
also let your baby dictate how much milk he wants every baby is different he might need more than another baby.
i dont really know anythign about reflux so i cant really give advice on that sorry but there are some other ladies on here who can help.
and with colic that is totally normal we had some awful nights with william but it does get better after 3 months.

i hope things settle down for you

 

[WW1]

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it. First thing's first - you're not a bad mum for FF! Many of us on here have had similar experiences and been made to feel guilty about it. Given time you will learn to ignore their comments as you'll see that your LO is happy, healthy and thriving.

How much your baby should feed depends on their weight (not really their age to be honest).

The consultant my LO sees said that he expects babies to take between 12- - 200ml per kg per day. Therefore a 4kg baby should have 480 - 800ml per day. Newborn babies' stomachs are much smaller so they wont be able to take as much in one go - if they are given too much they will be sick as the milk just wont fit in! They digest it pretty quickly though, hence needing to be fed at relatively short intervals.

As long as your baby is gaining weight then you know he is getting enough.

In terms of the other issues, I became sick and tired of having conflicting advice. It seems as though one person will tell you the opposite to the other! If your ever in doubt, speak to your HV or GP (whichever you trust more). Don't worry about being a pain - after all, it's your baby and whatever anyone else says - YOU KNOW BEST!! If you feel something is wrong, pursue it. My GP said she much prefers "paranoid" new mums as they will come in for the little things - these are far easier to treat than the big things!

I hope you get things sorted - time is also helpful as LO will get himself into a routine which makes life easier.

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi Hun, I went through all this when I was at the hospital & when I came back home. My LO couldnt latch on & I didnt have any milk to feed him, so we went for formula since day one.

Omar started to suffer frm reflux when he was 3 wks old. Dont worry hun, there r solutions. Get some Dr. Brown's bottles, & change formula to stay down or comfort one (ask ur HV to recomend one) or u can ask ur Dr. to prescribe baby Gaviscon (formula thickener). Tilt his cot, & keep him upright for 20-30 mins after every feed. As for smaller feeds, try to give him 90 ml every 2 hrs instead of 3 hrs. Dont give him anything that is so runny like water or tea as he'll vomit more. u can PM me if u need any more help xx

Edt: Dont count scoops, babies will let u knw when they'r full.

 

[maajka]

Thanks ladies! it's so helpfull to have some comments from you, knowing that i'm not alone in it
i decided to give him small amount often, as i'm sure he has not enough 75ml every 3 h he was taking that in his first week. I tilted up his cot and will get gaviscon today. hope he will be better as i can't watch him so unwell, it's breakin my heart.

 

[Vici]

I don't really have advice hun but wanted to offer One thing I do know is babies are all different and he will only eat what he needs. BTW - he's so cute, Imi used to do that with her hands

 

[MrsSyd]

Aw hun, don't loose heart, things will get easier. In the hospital I was told I was feeding Erin way too much, but she knew what she wanted, and has been thriving since. I FF from the start, and believe me, once you see your LO happy it helps reassure you that you're certainly NOT a bad mother for not being able to BF.

 

[xpinkness87x]

at 3 weeks and 3 days oliver was taking 150ml every 3.5 - 4 hours. So what they have told you is rubbish. Let your baby tell you how much milk he wants. x

 

[blahblahblah]

Every health professional seems to have a different opinion, it makes it so hard to know what to do for the best. Listen to them, but then follow the advice that feels right for you and your LO. And feel free to tell anyone that makes you feel bad for not BF to 'go boil their head'. Make sure you stand up for yourself with anyone like that - they are meant to be there to help you.

Firstly, give him as much milk as he wants. Limiting his intake now could cause you problems in the future. He knows what he needs, and will let you know!

Some babies are more sicky than others - it can be alarming to begin with when your LO brings milk back, but it doesn't necessarily mean there is a major problem. Also, there is rarely as much as you think. Only a small percentage of babies have reflux bad enough to need medication, so for starters make sure you're doing all the simple things you can to help it - they SHOULD have told you to try all these things, but I bet they haven't. Break for burps during the feed, feed in a more upright position, tilt baby up slowly when you stop feeding, and sit him in an upright position for a while after each feed - either with you, or perhaps in a bouncy seat. You can also try adjusting the temperature of the formula - I found my DS was very sick when I gave it at room temp - but when warmed it was a lot better.

If even with doing all these things he is still vomiting often, go back to the doctor/health visitor and see what they say. Also, get him weighed regularly for the moment, because poor weight gain is another sign that their vomiting is beyond 'normal'. Generally, if the weight gain is ok, they will tell you to carry on as you are.

Giving water between feeds is usually recommended if your LO has constipation (that includes infrequent as well as hard poos), and also sometimes to fill them up if they have a big appetite. It might be worth giving the water a try (an ounce or so each day), as it shouldn't do any harm. I've never heard of a baby being given chamomile though - personally I wouldn't do that without an explanation of why they think it's necessary, and how it would help.

I hope you find a solution that works for you, but in the meantime just hang in there - if nothing else time will make things easier

 

[maajka]

Thanks! all of you
Today, i tried all of the mentioned things. After 2 doses of gaviscon he seems to stop vomiting (till now) i gave him a bit less portion of milk and i put him up for a burps more often than before. Still, he spent all day in our arms, as always when we try to put him down he's waking up and crying.
We'll carry on this and see how he's going

 

[mommy2baby2]

I'm sorry you are having such hard time right now but everything WILL get better. Doctors all have different opinions and I've learned to take bits and peices from each opinion to help us form our own habits.

I do want to disagree with what someone wrote about giving him water inbetween feedings. Do not do this. Water, although pure and good, on an infant's stomach is very hard. It's hard for them to digest properly and can cause intestinal problems. A newborns stomach can handle only so much as in a sense it's still developing. Kind of like how most mom's wouldn't even imagine giving their newborn cows milk...way too harsh on the stomach (even many adults have a hard time digesting cows milk).

I'm going to try and pull up the research behind this so you can make your own opinion but I'd steer clear of giving him pure water until he's older.

I do have a question though! Why did your mother in law try to breast feed him? Did she have a baby recently? You are much more tolerant than me! I would never let another woman's tit in my baby's mouth! I guess it's just throwing me off because when I think of mother in laws I think of older women in menopause (or nearing it), definitely not a woman who is lactating.

 

[maajka]

I do have a question though! Why did your mother in law try to breast feed him? Did she have a baby recently? You are much more tolerant than me! I would never let another woman's tit in my baby's mouth! I guess it's just throwing me off because when I think of mother in laws I think of older women in menopause (or nearing it), definitely not a woman who is lactating.

oh no she didn't breastfed him. i meant, Oliver has a problem to attach to breast, he didn't do it just after the birth himself, so one of the midwifes forced him and push nipple into his mounth, then next day another midwife've done the same thing, and at home my mil ... after that when i got him near my breast he was protesting, pushing away with his hands and scream it was really hard to stand, i was crying days seeing him like that