Considering a 3rd But unsure...anyone else?

[Laraa]

Hello everyone,
I have two girls 10 and 7 and my husband really really wants a 3rd. I think i would too but im just unsure of a few things, i dont know if the age gap will be too much? Im older now than i was then 35 years old now, will
I cope with a pregnancy and another c-section?
Im also carrying more weight now than before, so I know i would need to lose weight before hand. Ive suffered from
Bad anxiety in the last 2 years due to a traumatic event so im not sure how pregnancy will
Effect my mental
Health. Im just abit all over the place, sorry if the thread dont make much sense, i guess i needed it written down to try and find some answers. Please feel free to share your experiences xx

 

[GrowingMum]

It's a really difficult decision. I was in a similar situation recently, but now I'm pregnant, though I still have some of the same worries you do. I'm 40 and have a 12yo and 6yo. I had always wanted 3 kids, and definitely more than one, but DH was content with 1, and after #1, he did not want another any time soon. 5.5 years later he finally agreed to try for another, and we had #2. When DS was 2, DH was diagnosed with a health condition that made him not want to have any more kids, and I slowly came to accept stopping at 2. Then a few months ago I made an off hand comment about us having another little girl and what her name could be (I was not trying to change his mind at all, and I was completely fine with being done), then a couple weeks later, he's saying he wants to have another! I had finally become ok with stopping at 2, and here he is complicating things! I did warm up to the idea pretty quickly, but I have a lot more uncertainty this time around.

Maybe try to imagine you just took a pregnancy test and its positive. How would you feel? More excited, or more worried?

There is no need to rush into a decision. I know it's hard when you already have a larger age gap, not to mention worrying about your own age and fertility, but take the time you need. Maybe instead of focusing on whether or not to have another, focus on changes you would want to make first (you mentioned losing weight and dealing with anxiety).

I'm not worried about the age gap, though at first I was. I actually find the age gap kind of nice. I find myself looking forward to the fact that my middle kid won't be effectively an only child when the older goes off to college.
And I'm amazed at how much my kids play together even with 6.5 years between them. Also, a built-in babysitter is super handy when I need to make a quick run to the store or take a walk around the block to clear my head.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Laraa]

Thank you so much for your detailed reply and congratulations on your pregnancy
Your post has really helped me put things into place.

I did actually have a little scare a few months back when my Af was late, my first thoughts were my weight, my main concern was being overweight and the complications that may come with it. But I was also extremely happy.

My anxiety actually started seeing my best friends birth and watching her baby being taken away into intensive care straight after.
Ive managed to deal
With my anxiety with counselling and I am in a much better place right now but have heard stories about pregnancy making anxiety worse, this is my only worry.

I have my best friends baby over alot of the time and everyone around me keeps telling me how I should have another baby as they can see Id be great with another one.

my husbands always wanted more than 2 but I've always told him i didn't,
But after my friend having her baby its definitely made me feel like another one.
I have my best friends little one for weekends and as a family we all adore her.

One thing I've come to realise is that the weight has to come off either way,
Ive been on slimming world and have already lost a stone but would
Need to lose a couple more to feel better about pregnancy.

 

[GrowingMum]

You are most welcome. It sounds like you know more or less what you want and have a plan to get there, and in fact have already made a lot of progress.

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

I am feeling baby fever for a 3rd right now...my husband on the other hand does not want any more kids.

If I had a surprise positive test i would be excited and happy.

But I don't want to do something my husband doesn't want. I'd be worried about his feelings...

 

[Samiam03]

My oldest turns 10 in November and my daughter turns 8 in September...so we are going to have a huge gap. I always knew I wanted a third but my ex-husband and I were on the rocks (and I had health issues) so he had been snipped. It's 5 years past my divorce and I'm with an amazing man who is everything I've dreamed of. I told him from day one that I wanted another and he wanted one. We were initially going to wait until the month we get married next year but we are both already 31...between that and the gap that is already there...I didn't want to wait any longer since we don't know how long this will take.

 

[annio84]

I keep going back and forth in this. I can write a huge list of reasons to stick with my 2 perfect healthy children and then the list in favour of a 3rd is simply, I want one. It’s hard to listen to logic though. My period was almost a week late this month and I was disappointed with the BFN when I POAS.

 

[vickyandchick]

I would like a third but my OH says he is definitely done, we've agreed to reassess it next year but deep down I know I'll be upset if we're done. I love my boys to bits and I'm incredibly lucky to have them but I do often wonder what our third child will be like.

 

[lassie269]

Hi Laraa, I'm sorry I'm not sure I can offer any advice but I could have written your post myself we are in a very similar situation! I'm 38, have 2 perfect children (6&9) both born via csections and we'd totally been happy with 2 until a few weeks ago when it came up in convo between me and DH -whos strangely very keen! - now I can't stop thinking about the possibility. I'm super nervous about having a 3rd section mostly and about maybe the wrong decision... whatever that may be! How do we ever decide?! I'm just not sure how I've gone from not even considering the thought of a 3rd child the last 6 years to be consumed by it in the space of a week!! Hormones??!!! Or my bio clock has just started ticking louder... good luck in your decision!