Considering adoption

[lilym]

Hi everyone. I'm Lily, 17, 19 weeks pregnant. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I've sort of have the idea of adoption nagging at me, but I guess I just decided I was going to keep the baby. My family, FOB's family, and FOB are all supportive. Everyone is planning on me keeping the baby. I figured my feelings of doubt and a lack of connection with the baby would go away by now, but they haven't. Adoption is still on my mind a lot. Last week FOB and I met with an adoption counselor just to go over things. FOB is not super excited about having a baby right now either, but he feels like it's our responsibility. He's much better at doing what needs to be done, while I have a much harder time accepting things and dealing with them. He's already sacrificed a lot and I feel really bad telling him and our families that I want to seriously consider adoption. Anyway, we can start looking through potential families now, but FOB doesn't really want to do it right now. He's hoping I'll decide against adoption. I'm not 100% committed to adoption, but I'm almost half way through the pregnancy and need to think seriously about it if I want it to be an option. I just feel so selfish because a big reason I like the idea is because I just want my old life back. I want the life I planned back. I know I got myself into this mess, but it's so hard when I know I have another option. Anyway, I guess I'm posting this here just to see what others think and to just get some support, one way or another.

 

[manda22]

No one can tell you what to do. Honestly, I could never give my child up for adoption because I was adopted myself. Adoption is great for other people. I had the best family and I was given so many opportunities because I was adopted. I'm not sure if you are in the US but there is a show on MTV called 16 and pregnant and teen mom. There is a couple who gave up their baby and it shows all the emotions that goes along with giving up a child for adoption. Consider all your options, closed or open adoption. Most people when they give birth they instantly connect to their baby. Consider all your options.

 

[FloridaGirl21]

I think adoption is a huge thing. I was adopted by my grandparents, so not the same as being adopted by some person that we didn't know, but they were able to provide for myself & my siblings with so much more then we would have ever had, had my mom raised us. The fact that I was adopted, I think has made me want to adopt a child myself, but I could never give my child up. Even if OH & I had fallen pregnant a few years ago, when I wasn't "ready", I don't think it would have been an option.

Just think long and hard about it, of course it's going to be hard to give a baby up that you've created, but if you feel that you may not be able to give that baby at least YOUR best, then adoption maybe should be an option?

You do what's best for yourself & your baby. Don't let anyone tell you to go one way or the other.

 

[RubyRainbows]

I think adoption is a beautiful thing! I also would never think putting your baby up for adoption means you are "selfish" -- not by any means! At 17 years old, there are still so many things you need & should do before having a baby! A baby deserves to come into a home that is stable, mature, and financially ready for a baby. If you & FOB are unsure, don't feel connected to the baby, don't really want this... there is another option. And it's a GREAT option. Your baby will have a wonderful life with a family who would give anything in the world to be parents. What a beautiful gift!

I think you should start by talking with your family, someone you are close to. And contact a local adoption agency... there is no harm in talking with an adoption counselor. They will be able to answer all your questions & give you guidance...

Go on the MTV website & watch the Caitlynn & Tyler episodes of 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. They are so powerful & moving to see the difficult decision they made in order to give their baby girl a better life than they are currently able to. And someday they will make AMAZING parents! (There is another mom on there who also let her aunt & uncle adopt her baby, but i forget her name?)

Good luck with whatever you decide. Please explore your options & talk with your family. I think you are very mature for admitting how you are feeling. You don't ever someday want to regret the choice you make.

Also, read the book Annie's Baby. It's about a teen mom who choses adoption.... after trying to care for her baby for several months.

 

[happy_chaos]

I'm not 100% committed to adoption, but I'm almost half way through the pregnancy and need to think seriously about it if I want it to be an option. I just feel so selfish because a big reason I like the idea is because I just want my old life back. I want the life I planned back. I know I got myself into this mess, but it's so hard when I know I have another option. Anyway, I guess I'm posting this here just to see what others think and to just get some support, one way or another.

Lily (btw I have a Lili), I've not been on your side of adoption before. I've been and am currently on the other side for the sixth time. It's been a miracle that birth moms I'll never be able to meet felt it okay to place their baby. My dh and I are beyond thrilled, content, and blessed with our family (we have some bios too). I had my bios when I was very young, between 18-21. I love them. They are grown and out of the home now. I loved having them young depsite what everyone says about it. They are such "friends" now in some ways although they are grown and on their own. I was a working mom then but a stay at home mom. So, no matter what you choose, life can be wonderful either way. Adoption isn't selfish at all on anyone's part in my opinion. Only you and your significant other can decide this and just tune out the others. I cannot imagine my life without my children that didn't grow under my heart but in it. If you do choose adoption, just be sure you have quality counsel and help in choosing wisely where your baby will be placed. Really do your research.

Sometimes we have to let go of the plans we made to have the plans meant for us. I never ever in a million years would ever have thought I'd be adopting our sixth treasure now making it round up to nine for us.

So, I applaud the moms and dads (we don't really use "birth" and just call them their first mom and dad and will always be their mom and dad) that could be so couragous to place their children for us to have. Adoption isn't a one time thing in my opinion, but an ongoing process of that child learning to live their identity with all the complex parts woven together by two different families.

No matter what you choose, this baby you carry IS a blessing.

 

[TryingToAdopt]

Edited by Moderator