Considering IVF but unsure...advice please...

[Elodie]

Hello

It has been ages since I posted on here but given recent events I thought I would start up again.

We have been TTC for over 2 years (I'm 38, partner is 34). Finally I got up the courage to go for testing. I found out yesterday that one of my fallopian tubes is blocked which is probably the issue. Everything else is fine - high AMH, semen analysis etc. So the specialist says that IVF is the best option as surgery to 'fix' the tube is generally not very successful.

I just don't know if I want to go down this road. We are lucky that we can afford to go private; that isn't the issue. I just don't want to go through the emotional and physical trauma of it all - the procedures, the drugs etc. I have a really supportive workplace so that is fine. My partner is incredibly supportive and has been there the whole way and this has really brought us closer. He hated watching me go through the recent procedures and he doesn't want me to have to go through more.

I know that it is a really big decision. I'm just not sure that I'm ready for the emotional rollercoaster. We've been told we have a 30-35% chance of conceiving per cycle. I'm a 'glass half empty' kind of person so this doesn't sound great to me, although I appreciate that generally this kind of success rate is quite good.

I'm strong but I don't know that I want to put myself through this. Everyone says, oh but just think, you will have a wonderful baby at the end etc, but I can't even think that far. I know I'm being pessimistic but I'm just in a bit of a mess right now.

When I look at what the procedures involve, it makes me feel hideous. I have had a lot of nasty gynae procedures in the past that have left me really emotionally scarred and scared, and just wanting to protect my poor body from having things done to it. Silly really, when childbirth is one of the most traumatic things you could go through!

Thanks for the vent. I know that only I can make this decision, but any advice or support would be really appreciated.

Elodie.

 

[amy8686]

I'm in the same boat. I'm really not excited about doing it, but it appears to be our only remaining option if we want biological kids. And given that it might not work, I'm struggling to gear up for something so physically and emotionally difficult.

The thing that gets me through is how I would feel if I didn't do it. I know I'd always regret it, always wonder what would have happened if I'd gone through with it. So at least this way, if it doesn't work, I can know that I did everything I could.

Hope that helps at all... or at least we can go into this somewhat miserable and unsure together.

 

[Emmi]

I had IVF in Sept and Oct and unfortunately it failed. But I would say that it was a chance that I had to take - I was 42 and am 43 now and we are saving to see if we could give it another go. The process itself of the various injections really isn't that bad at all. And the percentages of it working are pretty much the same as the sperm catching the egg to it's just another chance we take. There is every hope that we could conceive naturally but age is most definitely against us but we will keep trying.

Elodie - you have already been through so much and I totally understand why you are so scared. I really feel for you but take your time to decide if it's the right thing for you. If you find a good clinic - they really will hold your hand and support you every step of the way. Also - there is a great Assisted Conception group on Baby and Bump where I got a lot of support. I am heartbroken that the IVF failed but I have no regrets that I gave it a good shot.

 

[tulip1975]

Hi Elodie,

It sounds like you've had a really rough time with everything, and I completely understand not wanting to put yourself through more.

There was a similar thread yesterday in the Assisted Conception forum - check it out if you want to see more thoughts on the matter.

It's a hard choice. I made the decision to go forward, but I was almost dragged there by my husband. I've always been more ok with a family just the two of us than he has.

Whatever you decide is going to be right for you. Good luck!

 

[Kayotic]

We will not do IVF for a few reasons. I acknowledge my circumstances are different as in we have one child and that makes spending $20k more risky for us, but we simply can not go into that kind of debt when we are a single income family.
The other reason is I have an autoimmune disease and I am immunosupressed due to the meds I am on and the risk of infection is great for me.

 

[Elodie]

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and I really hope that everyone has a happy outcome in the end. Now that this has had a week to settle, I feel a little better but still obviously sad. I know that there are so many people in more difficult TTC situations than us, but this never really helps, you know what I mean? I think we are just going to have to go for it. Like Amy said, I think that if I don't give it a go I will always regret it. I just need to somehow find the strength to deal with all the physical stuff and the emotional strain. Argh sometimes I just want to scream 'It isn't fair!!!'. But life ISN'T fair, it's just life....

 

[aimze]

Hey ladies...

We went through Ivf an iui last year an the year before, they both worked but both ended in miscarriage...

Although this brought our relationship closer we have found the adoption process (in the uk) such a ray of light!

To be able to decorate our babies bedroom knowing they are out there and will join us soon and taking actual positive steps towards our family fills us with so much happiness...Ivf is such a stressful an full of uncertainties and the adoption process for us has restored our faith we will one day very soon be our own family!

Good luck!

Xx

 

[optimistic13]

Hi everyone ... ivf is our next option. We are currently attacking Bmi's and getting ourselves financially in a better place to have 1/2 goes.
Ttc has been the hardest journey ever , a lot of pain heart ache... struggles.
I think I have to try ivf as our last option... I feel I have no choice.
It's not an easy decision to make.
You feel you have been through so much it's hard the thought of more turmoil.
I just don't want to wait any longer... years are ticking over quick im 35 this year.
Id love to adopt and have accepted this will be our journey after ivf.
It's been a huge relief to talk on this website to mutual girls going through this torture of infertility xxx
Postcode lottery funding within the nhs to different areas has ruled us out of having any free ivf on nhs : ((

 

[optimistic13]

Ps sorry I didn't explain at the end ttc 4 years, pcos, lap,hsg,metformin.
Bmi was 40 now 31 needs to be 29.9 : /

 

[MiasMum]

Elodie, I had IVF at the end of last year. As you can see from my pic it was a sucess!
We had a tough journey getting there though and at times i could never see a way out. I always knew i would have IVF and never questioned it although it was very daunting!
We were ttc for nearly 4 years and after many procedures our consultant suggested IVF was the best way forward.
I have a daughter from a previous relationship and my partner has no children of his own. All our tests showed everything was ok but i do believe the trauma i had giving birth to my daughter may have done some damage.
We were put into the catogory of 'unexplained infertility'.

I was scared about starting treatment and the whole process took a long time. You do get used to all the prodding and poking and the IVF nurses were all so lovely!
You soon get the hang of the medicine, its just remembering when to take it. The injections were not as bad as i was expecting.
We were given almost a 60% sucess rate but treatment was cancelled due to me getting OHSS ( a condition caused by the fertility drugs ). We then had to wait for my next cycle and start again with a frozen embryo transfer with a 30-35% chance of sucess. I was upset as thats quite a drop but we figured 30% was better than the 1% on doing things naturally.

We had 2 frozen embryos transferred, 1 which was already hatching and ill be 13 weeks tomorrow.

It is a tough journey but so worth it. My clinic offered open evenings to give you an insight into treatments. Maybe you could look into that before you decide.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do! x

 

[optimistic13]

Congratulations on your success miasmum.
I also feel it's a must to see the journey through .. although the massive trial/tribulations of it.
Im so pleased to see success.
Im scared but looking forward and trying to optimistic about our ivf journey next year once ive reached my bmi : ))) xx