Considering moving back to hometown, and experience/advice?

[ljlmom2be]

Hi there, I am a FTM and we just found out a week and a half ago. I am 7 weeks and 2 days today So the background is that my boyfriend and I met in Austin where I grew up 3 years ago. Since then we were long distance for a little over a year when he moved for work, and just 6 months ago we moved out to SoCal together. We both love the lifestyle here, surfing and snowboarding and just the general atmosphere of the place. However, since finding out I am pregnant I have been strongly considering moving back to Texas to be closer to my family. He is strongly opposed to the idea and is afraid we will get "stuck" there and never move away even though we both want to live near the ocean and have considered Hawaii. The reasons I want to move back to Texas for a couple of years is for the emotional support as well as the DRAMATIC difference in the cost of living. Our baby is going to be my parents first grandchild and I would really like to be close to them at least while I am pregnant and until the baby is a little bit older (I'm thinking 2-4 years old). I feel like it is a practical decision because there is a healthy job market there and our money will go so much further there, for the price we are paying to live in a small one bedroom apartment with no W/D here in California, we could be in a 2-3 bedroom house with a large backyard for the dog and cat. My boyfriend is really against the idea, however he has said that it isn't "off the table." Has anyone moved closer to home for their first pregnancy or decided to stay away and maybe have any advice to share with me? Any and all information will be helpful and much apprecaited!!

 

[sojourn]

I moved back to Florida from California a few years ago. My reasons for moving back were somewhat similar. It's way cheaper, my brother was having kids and I was sad that they wouldn't know me. I was worried about meeting and marrying someone who would never go East and my kids would miss out on my lovely home town and getting to be close to my awesome family.

It has been profoundly beneficial to me. I am so glad I did it. Luckily, I met and married my husband here, so it doesn't have to be an issue. I would say you should give it a trial period and have the goal at the end of _____ months/years to get back to SoCal. He might be more amenable if he knows he isn't being trapped. Just agree that you can use the cost of living cut to save money and plan the next three years to make a plan to get back to where you want to be. Make an agreement (only if you can stick to it!) that unless it's a unanimous decision, you'll go back to CA in whatever time frame you say. If you're having a hard time leaving, do the same thing.

Good luck!

 

[hardd2011]

I moved from Seattle when I was 10 months pregnant to Germany and couldn't be any happy for hubby job. Just like SoCal its really expensive here. The euro doesnt match what he makes at all and we live in the most expensive city. But I love it. This is my mom first grandchild and 10 weeks later following another but she will miss out as that was her choice. I even offered to pay the ticket and she still said no. So she wont meet this little one until nov/dec. She wanted to come here in August but I told her she knew that wasnt an option as we wanted to spend our 3 year wedding aniversary in another country somewhere since his has been deployed and in school the other two.

My opinion dont bring family in it. Yes its nice to have them but I was way calmer now than when I was around my family/his family. Family tend to have a lot of opinions and other things to say when it doesnt go there way. No one has had a say here with what we do with our baby and its been nice. We did have some awful comments as the doctors are going back and forth on the gender which does happen but you dont hear it. Told OH grandma and she said we are confusing our child and it will be gay. Needless to say I dont talk about the baby with her as she will not dare say the awful things she say to me to OH.

 

[zigee]

I really think it is a personal choice based on your priorities. As long as you act according to what your priorities are you can't go wrong.

For me, it was important to be close to my family to raise my child. I also factored into that, that I wanted my child to be watched by family while I work ( they expressed this desire as well ).
My husband and I went to great lengths to move our in laws closer to where we live. ( this was also a perfect storm where they needed to move from their rural home for health reasons etc) My family lives a little over an hour away.

For me, knowing my baby is getting a close relationship with grandparents while I work is priceless.

My husband and I are much more laid back in our parents relationship than our siblings. Yes they have opinions and suggestions which we take with a grain of salt. It really doesnt bother me much, I know it is always coming from a place of love.

 

[ljlmom2be]

Thank y'all so much for your input I'm still wanting to move back to Texas because I do have a really supportive family and it's really not so much for them as it is for me and the support I want/need. I like the idea of setting a date that we will either move back or stay depending on how we feel and unless in unanimous we will move back, I think that will help my boyfriend feel more at ease with the situation. I also would love for my parents/siblings/relatives to have the chance to babysit while I'm at work at forge a strong bond My family isn't going to be condescending or try to tell us how to raise the baby, and even if they do I'm not worried about it my boyfriend and I are strong and just because they tell us something doesn't mean we have to do it Thanks again for your opinions! I just had my first ultrasound today and got to see my baby's heart beat!!!

 

[sojourn]

Thank y'all so much for your input I'm still wanting to move back to Texas because I do have a really supportive family and it's really not so much for them as it is for me and the support I want/need. I like the idea of setting a date that we will either move back or stay depending on how we feel and unless in unanimous we will move back, I think that will help my boyfriend feel more at ease with the situation. I also would love for my parents/siblings/relatives to have the chance to babysit while I'm at work at forge a strong bond My family isn't going to be condescending or try to tell us how to raise the baby, and even if they do I'm not worried about it my boyfriend and I are strong and just because they tell us something doesn't mean we have to do it Thanks again for your opinions! I just had my first ultrasound today and got to see my baby's heart beat!!!

Yay!!! That is super exciting!

I think your description of your family matches the choice you want to make. My family is pretty relaxed and my parents always say that they raised brilliant adults, so they trust us to make our own choices. Even when they don't love what we're doing, they recognize that it's our right to do what we want. If your family is the same way, and you get love and support from them, then you won't have the same troubles as other people do. Everyone's family is different!