Constantly down :(

[litlun]

Hi, Ive just joined and i joined mostly because i have no one else to talk to. I have been living in Italy, Bari for the past year and a half with my italian boyfriend. I have found it hard to settle in with the language barrier and different mentality. Gradually this has all got to me and now i am pregnant things seem so much worse. I am normaly a active posotive person and although it has been hard over here i have kept going to build a life over here. Now i have given up and i seclude myself indoors cry and just fill sorry for myself. I sceared, sceared of when the baby comes how will i be? sceared of how my partners mum is going to be as she was to much befor i fell pregnant. All i want to do i go back to England and have my friends and family around me. But my boyfriend cant leave as our whole plan to move here was to open a bar and restaurant with his parents. He can not leave them with the bar not finished plus he wants to make some money befor returning to England to hopfully start a business over there. I dont want to be the problem and change all the plans only for in a few years to look back and say we should of stayied there to set ourselfs up better. Its just ive given up, all i want to do is go home. I have no friends over here and i cant join any group as i cant speak the language. We have no money as everything is going into the bar and restaurant. Life over here is just so totally different. Ive traveled most countrys and been so open minded but now over here ive lost who i am. Ive had to change everything about myself to live the way they do and who i am and how i do things is not excepted. As for my pregnancy so far i dont fill attached as everything has been organised for me by his parents. When at the doctors i dont understand what the information he is saying and My partner will try to translate but i still dont fill incontrol of my pregnancy. Befor i fell pregnant i felt this was a right step to take so its not like i dont want the baby. I do but i also want to have a normal pregnancy and got to maternaty classes and enjoy the moments that you read and hear about pregnancys. I fill so unfit which as a personal trainer and always having a active life befor i cant even take up swimming as the swimming pool costs so much i cant go. I take the dog out for walks but i even get so down i cant even be bothererd to do that. Im constantly down and wish i was back home in England.

 

[bigbetty]

Oh sweetie, it must be horrible feeling the way you do and being so far away from your family.

Is there anywhere you could go to take Italian language classes so that you can start to interact with your new life better? It would also keep you occupied and give you a purpose and maybe you wouldn't feel so left out.

I know nothing I say can help very much because I have never been in your situation but this forum is full of lovely ladies who provide an ear when you want to vent and such wonderful support.

 

[litlun]

Thank you Betty for your reply it means alot to me. When we 1st moved here i was having lessions but they cost 20 euros a lesson. I try to open so many doors but it always comes down to money. I interact with other italians here like his parents and some of my partners friends but all i can really talk about is the weather ect. Its not like the good old chin wag u have with ya friends. Its wrong of me to fill this way but i cant help it, ive given up trying and just want to go home which i know i cant. I want to fill better but i can only see 1 option but to do that will mean i go through this pregnancy with out my partner and i fill it is just important for his to be involved with this as much as me.I dont want him to miss out. Its like the day i give birth, In italy when you are in labor you are in a room with 3 other women so partners are not allowed in with you. Then for delivery you are wheeled into another room where partners might be allowed in. I have decided to have the baby in england because of this. The father was there for conception so why can he be there for the birth? The problem being with this is to have the baby in england i would at least have to be there for about 2 months which he cant take that time off from the bar. Probably being the fact of his dad giving him greif.

 

[2016]

Sorry you are having a tough time. I often feel down and miserable just due to the preggo hormones! They make me worry about the future and how I will cope/how other people will behave.

Can't your hubby come with you to the doctors to translate? I know I would freak if I couldn't understand what was going on around me. If you wanted to learn Italian, I got the Rosetta Stone computer course for Spanish (they do Italian too)...and it was amazing! I learnt in double-quick time and it was fun! You cools use it to teach bubs too.
I am sure when your baby arrives he/she will keep you busy and there will be more to focus on.

Sorry don't feel like I was much help...but this place is great for getting stuff off your chest and talking to other mums like you.

 

[Mummy to be x]

I think honestly hun you really need to do what will make YOU happy and what you feel is right, You have a little one to think about now, If your not happy in Italy then maybe you should seriously consider coming back to live with family or something. You need to do what you feel is the best, I think its obviously a huge decision that needs to be thaught about in great detail, This may not be much help to you but i hope to help a little xx

 

[litlun]

Yes i have hurd of that roseta stone being very good, how much did it cost?
I think it is excatly that, getting it off my chest. but at the mo i think im just going to be the depresed negative person, which i cant stand them type of people and now im 1 of them
Yer Marino my partner he has been with me to everything, i wouldnt dear go with out him. Bless him he does try to translate but as men do they dont tell ya the juicy details. On one side it has been nice to see marino proud of the info he is learning. When he talks to his friends he quoats what the doc says and he looks so pleased with himself. I want him to fill a big part of all this not meaning "o he is just the father" i just wish i was aswell.

 

[litlun]

Thanks "mum to be" and you know what id probably say the same if i read my own story. Its just hard to make that decision to either include or exclude Marino in the pregnancy. Im also sceared and dont belive or trust my own feelings, Say i do go back and then fill even worse coz im not with my partner. What if i then fill i have made a mistake. My mum sugests to come back for a month or so but still then what if the baby moves and hes not there to fill it with me. Sorry every1 to be so negative im not normally like this.......

 

[Mummy to be x]

maybe just go for a few weeks then, My partner isn't here at the moment either hes in afghanistan so he hasn't been here for 4 months of my pregnancy and dose not get back till december so i understand how you feel in a way. Maybe speak to your partner about going back together for a few weeks if thats a possibility x

 

[EmyDra]

Sounds really difficult out there but I have to agree with the above. This baby is about you and your body and this baby needs you primarily to be happy. It may help to try and get your partner a job back in the UK and just temporarily move for the pregnancy and the early days. My Bnb friend who lives down the road is moving back to Wales (with her fiancé) because she finds his family much too intense.

I'm sure he'll understand that he can still be a big part of it whilst moving over with you and that you need to be elsewhere for the time being.

I know that personally, I couldn't cope. When the baby comes it's going you be your entire world out there and you may find that you become even more isolated and introverted - despite being happy with being a mummy.

 

[litlun]

I think you are right and yes my defencive instink will be priority me and the baby because how i fill will be how the baby fills. As for my partner and i moving bk to england wont be posible so i have to do it on my own with out him. Its just that, with out him... i fill guilty. The bar/restaurant should open in dec and everyone says i will fill better then as we all will be working in there. Hopefully it will be better. but knowing ill be around his mum all that time scears and anoys me. Then when the baby comes and we r all in there together she is going to be taking over, urrrgggg... I hope i do suddenly start to like it over here coz if i follow what i really want to do will have so much affect and not in the good way for everyone else, plus i sceared i will go wrong and the baby grows up with out the fater being around. Im just thinking about everything miner now, its just black black black..
But yer, im going bk in oct 18th for a week, ill see how i fill when im there (which i know i will fill beter) and go from there. I could stay there for christmas and then come bk in the new year to give it another shot.
Thanks every1, reading every1 elses views helps me belive in how i fill.

 

[angelic_one]

But yer, im going bk in oct 18th for a week, ill see how i fill when im there (which i know i will fill beter) and go from there. I could stay there for christmas and then come bk in the new year to give it another shot.
Thanks every1, reading every1 elses views helps me belive in how i fill.

That definately sounds like the best thing to do, I was going to reply saying that you should go home, but even if you just came back for a while it would probably help millions.

Also is there anyone who could come over to Italy for you for a little while either now or for the birth etc? A family member or a close friend? This might help you feel more settled and less home sick, and you might feel a little more like you have somebody who is on your side, as at the moment you feel alone and that your partner's family (and indeed Italy in general) are against you?

This sounds like a horrible position to be in, I'm ever so sorry for you. Make sure that you talk to your OH about it though, make it clear that you're not having a go at him, but make sure he knows what you're thinking and how the situation is making you feel, otherwise it'll only get worse.

 

[Ajisai]

It sounds like you are trying to stick around a bit longer. Good for you.
So, Bari is the fishing city with university with population about 300,000. It is not a big city but you may be able to find a group of foreigners living in Bari. Maybe they might share the same experience. Also, university students maybe interested in learning English from you. In exchange, you can learn Italian.

 

[jessabella]

you poor thing..let me know if you need anything..we are in Italy all the time and I speak 'moderate' Italian..I also have the Rosetta Stone in Italian if you need it..Im sure hubby can copy it so I can send it to you if you like.
Visit the site https://my.lifeinitaly.com/forum.php
This is the link to the forum...the site is for peple who are english speakers living in Italy..It has helped so much with us buying our home in Italy.
Also https://www.italymag.co.uk/forums/
Its a very helpful form too.
I know its hard but you can do it..I have lived in several different countries but this is my first pregnancy away from home..and even though English is the languge here its still very different and weired...hang in there and dont be afraid to ask questions and make sure that everything is explained to you. Italians are agressive and will say oh its okay blah blah..but dont allow anything ot happen that you dont understand..stand firm and be aggressive right back!