Constantly scared.

[amaryllis]

Hey everyone.

I got my positive pregnancy test five and four days before my predicted menstrual cycle. I wish I'd waited to test, because every day has been a storm of worry over symptoms.

Some days I feel very gross. Some days I don't feel so bad, but if I move too fast my gut gets queasy. Women in my family get sick in pregnancy, two of my sisters getting it pretty bad.

I'm worried I'm getting excited too soon, that it's too early (four weeks two days). I know I am, logically. My sister said this morning, "If you lose it now, it'll be more like a late period." But it wouldn't feel like a late period to me at all.

If I feel perky and okay, I worry instantly that my hormone levels are dropping. I stopped taking my temperature in the mornings because I wasn't over 37 C anymore (I usually hover around 36.5 when not pregnant).

When I saw the doctor on Monday she seemed fairly laid back about it all. On the day my period was supposed to start, my stuff down there went a very light brown, and I cramped on and off during the day. Then for the rest of the day it was fairly normal. This morning, it again was a little brown but much lighter.

I just can't seem to stop worrying at this point. I have an anxiety condition (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and it's being aggravated by the trauma from the miscarriage I had last year.

I am so scared, but I know, logically, that sometimes these things just don't work out. I just don't know what to do anymore, other than try to relax and distract myself.

 

[Bushmumma]

Relaxing is key, although easier said than done. Do your best to fill your time with enjoyable and fun activities.
I'm 5w2d today and excited, frightened, nervous and most of all in love. I'm embracing this pregnancy day by day with all the hope thàt I'll be holding my LO in my arms by May.
Your bleed as I'm not a doctor although I wonder if it's much to be concered for as its brown. A scan will be able to identify the cause of bleeding. There are such things called SCH it's a pocket of blood in uterus that can be disrupted by implantion and this could be the possible cause?? I hope there is nothing serious and wîsh you all the luck you require for a healthy pregnancy.

 

[amaryllis]

The doctor, life experience and the internet says that light spotting is common in this week of pregnancy. Logically, there isn't much of a sign either way what this pregnancy is doing.

My boobs are still sensitive, I'm still pukey if I move around too quick, my appetite is still hinky. I really don't have a concrete reason to worry outside of the light spotting.

I just *do*. *tired laugh*. But thank you. It's good to know (even though it's sad to know, it's weird) that I'm not the only one going through this.

 

[Munchkin30]

I think it's really normal to be stressed like this. I've had 2 lateish (12 and 21 weeks) since my dd and every first trimester, including the one with my dd, have been stress and hell. I think just trying to keep a cool head and not letting your imagination run away with what ifs?? Is the best thing you can do. I've just had my 12 week scan and I feel nothing! Not excited or relieved or anything! Not sure when I'll start to relax this time...

 

[amaryllis]

I think my worst coping mechanism at the moment is to hole up in my bedroom and not move. Last night I was moving around a lot and cleaning up around my bed, and this morning I had very light brown in my discharge. More a yellowish-beige. I figure what it is is implant bleeding slowly making its way out of my uterus, cause my first spotting happened when implantation bleeding is supposed to take place. I mean, I've gone out to a club (no heavy dancing), I've cleaned up around the house, I've had (gentle) sex, and while I've had extremely light spotting, nothing else has happened.

It's all paranoia, depression and fear at this time. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, and I'm going to make an effort to get out of bed for longer than I'm in it, every day. It's hard with the endo pain, as it is very sore when the newly heavy uterus pulls on my ligaments and leans into the Pouch of Douglas (all sites of endometriosis for me) and also leans on my bladder (which my doctors suspect may have endo on the outside).

I think I'd be better with my anxiety and down moods if I knew this was normal for a mother after recently losing a pregnancy? I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to deal with things properly. I safeguard myself too much, if that makes sense?

Either way, I shall be chatting to my psychologist about it and trying to keep on the ball. I gotta keep positive and healthy for bub after all!

 

[flou]

I'm 14 weeks today and one minute im really excited and the next convinced there is something wrong. Just try and take each day as it comes. And I say to myself that today I am pregnant and I feel blessed and happy that I'm pregnant. I find that calms me down. Its perfectly natural to feel anxious but you have to try and not let it take over.

 

[SweetV]

All we can do is take it day by day. I'm terrified and excited and terrified some more. You are absolutely not alone. I think the most important part is that you can not cause this miscarriage (unless you smoke, drink etc). Housework, staying active, having sex are all normal parts of life. If you are going to miscarry it will happen anyways it may be sped up by these activities but absolutely not caused by it.
I also bled around the time I should have got my period in my last pregnancy. My loss was much later and not related to the bleed.
I wish you all the best and congrats!!!

 

[amaryllis]

Thanks everyone. As the week has gone on, the spotting faded. I am feeling sicker and puffier and more pregnant as time goes on. Unlike last time, my boobs have already changed in visible ways, like dark blue veins becoming fat more apparent in my breasts and décolletage area (I look like Spider-Man).

As more happens, as my body changes more and this pregnancy differs more and more from the last, I get a little more settled and realise that it will probably be okay this time.

It's gotten to the point where I had a moment where I was all, "Oh God, what have I done?!" LOLOL! Just - sheer terror at the responsibility ahead. Then I chilled out again. Being pregnant is probably one of the most mentally exhausting things outside of actually looking after what follows it. LOL!