Contraceptive pill prescribed to 14 year old

[miss_amy]

I pretty much had the shock of my life yesterday and I could do with some opinions and a bit of discussion to help me decide how to deal with it.

My 14 year old daughter lives with her father. He called me yesterday and told me that he had suspected that she had taken her iphone to school which is forbidden by us and the school. He went in her room to look for the phone and found contreceptive pills that have been prescribed by a doctor without parent knowledge.. She is 14 years old. They have been prescribed, there is the name sticker on the pack etc. I watched something about this being possible on the jeremy kyle show a while back and kind of had the opinion better safe than sorry the time but when it's your own daughter the emotions and reality kind of kick in.

Her father has reacted badly and I'm not convinced in the best way. He has taken the week off work to supervise her being grounded.It's not just about the pill thing she has been bad in other ways. But he has also taken the pill off her. My thoughts are we can't keep an eye on her 24hrs a day long term.

Now I could do with some advice to help keep her safe and pregnancy free without it looking like we are giving her the go ahead to have under age sex.

I've had thoughts that the pill isn't the best option for a child. It's so easy to forget to take them and to be honest she can't even look after her pet dog! I don't know if injections are still available (UK) or some other kind of protection. And of course none of those protect against diseases. How the hell do you hammer home the seriousness of this to a teenage girl who thinks she knows everything.

I have a serious headache.

What would you do?

 

[fuzzballxxx]

i think its has shown a good sign of responsibility, she took the decision and seen the doctor before she jumped into anything. i disagree with the come down hard on her approach because it was sensible what she did. Id talk to her about sti's and unwanted pregnancy but i think she probably understands about pregnancy though and taking the pill off her could result in mistakes happening. Maybe show her a video and some information leaflets. I know this sounds terrible but she is going to do it anyway so its best to prepare her about the ways of the world.

 

[Dimples81]

is it possible that she has been prescribed them for her periods? If it makes you feel better i had loads of friends at school who went and got them from the doctor for that, they thought they were the bees knees but none of them were having sex, it was just a peer pressure thing.

I would also point her in the direction of www.thesite.org.uk as well if you want her to have access to somewhere to talk and read about stuff annonymously without being judged.

I know that doesn't help you talk to her about it, but it is a good resource for teenagers and the many issues they face.

i agree that the hardline isn't the best approach, it creates rebellion alot of the time and the last thing you want is for her to feel that she can't approach you both. I would arm her with the facts about STIs and push the "sex is best when its with someone you love" angle. Have you watched the sex education series on channel 4? It might help you with how to approach it?

 

[jen1604]

i think its has shown a good sign of responsibility, she took the decision and seen the doctor before she jumped into anything. i disagree with the come down hard on her approach because it was sensible what she did. Id talk to her about sti's and unwanted pregnancy but i think she probably understands about pregnancy though and taking the pill off her could result in mistakes happening. Maybe show her a video and some information leaflets. I know this sounds terrible but she is going to do it anyway so its best to prepare her about the ways of the world.

I agree.

Although it must be a shock for you as a parent atleast she is thinking responsibly.
If it was me I would have a good chat with her about STI's and such but not take the pill away from her. It may be that she isn't doing anything anyway but just wanted to get them to be prepared after sex education talks or something in school?

 

[hopeandpray]

I agree that it could have been for periods, I'd say she'd be too embarrassed to talk to her dad about that. If it is for sex then I might look into another option if you think that she might not be taking them properly. Also tell her that it is possible to get pregnant on the pill and that it doesn't mean that she doesn't have to use condoms.
I have the implant, I would never remember to take the pill everyday. They won't let young women use the injection any more (at least the doctors where I live won't )because long term use can give you brittle bones.
To start talking to her I would first acknowledge that it is sensible to be on birth control if she's considering having sex, however there are lots of reasons why she is probably not ready to have sex yet.
Let her know that she is not being punished for going on contraception because you never know, she might need and then not use it out of fear of being caught!

 

[10.11.12]

I don't have a teenager but I'm a teen parent so I probably have no right to say anything but I think she was being really responsible to get the pill, personally I don't think grounding her is the right approach but maybe taking her to her doctor and letting her discuss her birth control options with them so that she gets the right thing. I would also definitely leave condoms where she can find them, I know you hate the idea of her having sex but if she is very little you can say is going to stop her so she might as well be prepared.

 

[miss_amy]

Thank you all. After another nights sleep and the shock settling a bit it doesn't all seem so bad today.

I agree with everything you say. I need to have a good chat with her dad about his approach and then seperately with her. She is staying with me for the half term holidays so it will be a good time to talk.

Just want to say the grounding was partly for other reasons which she does deserve to be grounded for.

 

[Dimples81]

 

[sarahfh]

Just want to throw in my 2 cents, similar to what has already been said though.
I was living with my Dad at 14 and like your daughter, went on the pill. I did it to ease my periods as they were incredibly heavy and painful, but I didn't feel I could talk to my Dad about it. I mean, how could he understand that? I didn't even tell him I started my period until a year later. If he ever found my pill he never said anything about it, I guess he didn't know how to approach it with me. But despite being on the pill, I didn't become sexually active until I was 17, it was always drilled into me that sex is for someone you truely love. And my Mum made sure I could talk to about anything, I still do
I hope you manage to smooth it all over and just try to remember how you would have felt in her shoes at 14 in the same situation. Enjoy half term together

 

[fuzzballxxx]

good luck for your chat

 

[JASMAK]

I think if you want her to be able to come to you, you need to remain calm, and not judgemental (at least don't show it). She needs to trust you. I too think she is being responsible, and just because she is on the pill, doesn't necessarily mean she is sexually active, but if she IS sexually active, you need to remember that you could push her away...so stay calm!! I know I haven't a clue...so feel free to ignore..mine are 6 and 1....so I am a ways away...

 

[miss_amy]

Well the talk with her went incredibly well. I heard a few things that I didn't want to hear but I managed to keep that inside and was supportive. She told me everything and I feel more reassured that she has thought things through and is being safe.
We covered lots of subjects about preganacy, diseases and feelings. She opened up to me which felt good.

I tried talking to her dad but he is very stubborn and seems unable to discuss anything properly.
I talked to her about how hard her dad is taking it but she can come to me if she wants to.

I feel a little better.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I'm on the pill for controlling the incredible pain I suffer through with my period. Sure, it is a contraceptive thing but I don't count on it or take it for that. I never wanted to have fake, horrible hormones in my body.

Is this a possibility?

 

[5-a-side]

Well the talk with her went incredibly well. I heard a few things that I didn't want to hear but I managed to keep that inside and was supportive. She told me everything and I feel more reassured that she has thought things through and is being safe.
We covered lots of subjects about preganacy, diseases and feelings. She opened up to me which felt good.

I tried talking to her dad but he is very stubborn and seems unable to discuss anything properly.
I talked to her about how hard her dad is taking it but she can come to me if she wants to.

I feel a little better.

I'm glad you were able to talk to her and she can feel more confident about confiding in you.
I guess its just going to take a little longer for her dad to come around.

 

[17thy]

I haven't read the other comments, but I'm 18 (have a 1 year old daughter), and was prescribed contraceptive pills behind my parents back at 15 years old. Let me tell you something. Birth control is risky, its a medicine that you are putting in your body every single day. A lot of people I know have gotten an IUD and ended up pregnant and losing the baby. A lot of people I know have gotten pregnant on the pill (used properly and improperly). I know someone who got implanon (the implant) and it made her gain over 100 pounds and she has extreme pain where the implant used to be. I had "the patch" when I was 12 because of a tumor I had removed which removed my left ovary so they wanted to get my periods regular again, I STILL can't feel the area of skin where the patch was, its numb 6 year later. The shot, I've NEVER heard good things about the shot, lots of negative results. And with any birth control you have a chance to get pregnant. Honestly, it really is up to her to protect herself. But taking away birth control from her isn't very smart, it's honestly like saying "You can't have this birth control, go get pregnant" rather than "Here, take this birth control, at least if ANYTHING happens you are more protected than with just a condom, or nothing at all."

Personally that's the way I took it when my mother refused to let me have birth control. I never went and got that prescription that was written for me. I said "Are you sure you don't want me to be on birth control?" and she said "Yeah I'm not giving you the okay to just run around and have sex." Like she could somehow control that. So I said "And when I do have sex, and end up getting pregnant because you wouldn't allow me birth control, how will you feel then?" And she just said "we'll deal with that when we get there."

Well.... it got there. I got pregnant right after my 17th birthday, and married my boyfriend 10 weeks later. We've been married for over a year and half now very happily, and since doing research on birth control I've long since made the decision to stick to condoms instead of medicine of any type, but it does make me wonder how things would be different if she hadn't been so stubborn about it. Things worked out wonderfully, but there was absolutely a high chance that they wouldn't.

Just thought I'd share to give you a different perspective. As a parent of girl, I'm not quite sure what I would do in this situation. Be disappointed that she felt she couldn't come talk to me about it first? I would certainly want to have a full discussion or many discussions before introducing any birth control. But I really wouldn't want her to feel that I was completely unreasonable about it because "I didn't want to give her permission." I would make it VERY clear that I'm not giving her permission because obviously no one wants their 14 year old to be having sex, but it happens. The only person that can really stop it is her, unless you want to lock her in a room until she's 18 lol.

I know this is a tough situation, I hope you all come to a mutual understanding and agreement, I'm sure that her father being stubborn about it doesn't help much. Hope this helps in some way.

 

[Skywalkersmum]

I think her dad may be scared? Who wants to think of their baby girl growing up? Hopefully he will see things clearer soon.

I have 2 teenage daughters who both used contraceptive before the age of 16.It is something no-one wants to deal with but thankfully it's something we did get the chance to talk about.

It sounds as though you have a great relationship with your daughter and you seem to have had a great chat to her.It's so hard to broach this subject with parents and I bet she is relieved you now know.

All I can suggest is keep talking.It's hard to hear what is being said sometimes but so important to listen.

xxxxx

 

[Eliza_V]

My sister was on the pill at 13/14 for painful periods, and because of her acne. Is there a possibility this is the reason as well?

I went on the pill at 15, because I had just started sleeping with my boyfriend who I had been with for a year, and we'd had a condom split, and wanted some extra protection. Although it's not a nice thought to think your child may be having sex, I think that it shows she is being responsible about it. As another PP said, there is a risk of missing them etc (I had a terrible habit of that when I was taking them in the morning, so I changed to the evening instead), so it could be worth suggesting the contraceptive injection, or implant to her?

Approach the subject carefully though. I know my Mum wasn't best pleased that I was having sex underage, and she certainly didn't condone it, but she knew I was going on the pill and said that if I ever had any questions or felt I was in trouble that I could always come to her. But she won't be having any friendly/funny "discussions" about it iykwim And there was an obvious rule of no sex in her house!

 

[bloghopper]

glad the talk went well and she opened up to you

 

[SarahMUMMY]

i think its good that youve talked to your daughter and she has actually opened up to you.
your daughter seems as though she has an old head on her shoulders and even though she is 14 she was wise enough to make the decision her self.

Im actually 16 im 20 weeks and 4 days with my 1st and noone ever actually brought up the whole contraceptive thing with me and tbh i never understood how it worked.. i used condoms because i understood that but noone ever went through the pill and injection and implant thing with me.. obviously i decided to keep my baby and i am still with the babys father things are working out well and we have very supportive familys.

in my opinion i dont think that her dad did the right thing takin the pill away from her i understand that she went behind your backs.. and that its not nice to no your daughter may be having sex, but shes preventing what has happend to me

 

[TaraxSophia]

Okay i myself am teen mother so you probs wont want to hear this.. but i think she is being very responsible and grown up about the whole thing, shes taking control of her own life and not wanting to make any mistakes. My pregnancy wasnt planned and has been the hardest things ive ever had to do, Sophia is now one and its not getting any easier. If she has the pill that means she must already be thinking about havig sex (as most teenagers do) so even if you take them off her she will still want to have sex so isnt better 'safe' than sorry? Take her to the doctor and talk over all her different birth control options, and then maybe have an open discussion with her about why she feels the need to have sex at such a young age i myself was 16 when i lost my virginity to Sophia's dad, even though i dont regret having her, i do wish i had waited! Hope i helped xx