Controlling mum - UPSET!!

[oneill614]

It sounds like you really don't want her there at all until a good while after the baby is born. If that's the case, then don't tell her when you are being induced. Don't tell anyone who might tell her either. Up until the day, just tell her you don't know when it is happening because of hospital scheduling. She's stressing you out so much, making you upset, it doesn't make sense to let her do that to you.

If you want her to be the first one to see the baby, then tell her first (right when baby has arrived). If you want your best friend to see the baby first, then do that! Don't let her bully you.

I have a friend who makes "suggestions" to me all the time, and I find myself making 5 excuses which she always has a counterargument to. I finally have gotten to the point where when she suggests something I don't like I just say "No, I don't want that." For example, she suggested that I buy a glass water bottle to keep track of how many oz. of water I am taking in every day in my pregnancy. I told her I didn't want one, it's glass, I'll break it. This was met with every reason in the book why it's a good idea...glass is better than plastic, you can get a holder for it to protect it, I'm going to the store and I'll buy you one. NO, I just don't want a glass water bottle, take a friggin hint. I have no idea why people can't discern what you're trying to get across sometimes, but your mom is doing this to you. If she was truly listening at all, she would get that you don't want to be bothered right away after the birth, and she would back off. Since she isn't understanding, you need to be more firm. If you can't do it, let your husband do it and just stop talking to her about it for a while.

 

[amelia26]

I think you need to stand firm with her as otherwise she will be even worse once baby is here. And if she cries, she cries.

I would say something along the lines that you appreciate she's excited about her grandchild and she will, of course, get to see the baby in good time, but right now you need to prioritise yourself and your husband and your respective bonding time with the baby. As soon as you're ready for other visitors she will be the first you call but until then it will just be you and your husband.
And if she cries

 

[amelia26]

Sorry, if she cries, sympathathise that you know that's not what she wanted, but stick to it.

(My mum wanted to be there straight away. I said no. I was induced and it took 3 days then had an emergency c section and was very unwell with complications after. It was a week before I saw anyone else except my husband as I just didn't feel ready. I was a bit of a state to be honest and I had to prioritise my health and my bonding with baby (the latter didn't come easily)).

 

[Mummy2b88]

Exactly that is why I am thinking of just getting my OH to tell her when we are at the hospital when things have started, however I will be letting her know (again) that we will let them know when things start because it could be a long time before anything even happens, I could also be sent home.


Thank-you a lot for your responses.

 

[hanni]

Why is she coming up? You you want her there at all around the time babies born or after? Tbh it sounds to me like you're allowing her to come up to see her grandchild but you have to remember baby will still a baby a couple of weeks after birth. If I were you I'd save yourself all of the fuss and tell her you've both decided youd like time as a family for the first week or so. Remember it's your baby, no one, not even your mother has any right to be there unless you want her to be. And if she huffs about it, let her! If she starts having a go at you, cut her off.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this!

 

[Mummy2b88]

We do want her here after he is born, it is just that we don't want her to feel like she can be the one who makes the decisions and when being told what me and OH want she gets upset and starts manipulating me. Next time I'll be talking to her will be tomorrow about it and I will be laying down the situation that is happening.

 

[jlw617]

I don't have any advice for you as far as what to say, you know what you want and I'm telling you from experience that you need to say it to her and don't worry about how she feels...I am on baby number 3 now and I am 33 years old, when I had my first I was 24, my mom was/is very much like your mom and unfortunately I really let her get in the way of what I wanted for my babies, we even decided to stop having kids after our second was born because of (mostly) how much she pressured us to not have any more...I live a very different lifestyle than my mom, I wanted to breastfeed, she told me it was dumb and that no one else would be able to bond with our babies, I'm very conservative and she's not so she'd always harass me about how I was raising them, I finally grew a backbone when my oldest was around 5 and just stopped caring what she thought, was it and is it still hard at times? Yep, but it is so worth it to be able to have that freedom, the guilt tripping still gets to me sometimes but she has also cut it out a lot as she knows I just won't stand for it anymore. I love my mother dearly and I can tell you also have a deep love for your mom, but I'm telling you to not make the same mistakes I did and to find a way to stand your ground with her, you are going to be a mother yourself and you have your own family now, it's not fair to your OH, your baby, and certainly not you to allow her to keep doing this.

 

[Mummy2b88]

Well it's official.... I have been given my induction date being on the 17th August.

I think all is going to be OK with my mum as she is not coming down until the Wednesday 20th so hopefully my induction and labour does not take 3 days!!!! unless he is here before the Wednesday that is fine so then WE can tell her when to come! I am seriously hoping he comes fast I am not sure if she is finally taking on board that we are in control or the fact that she knows nothing may happen right away

Have any of you ladies been induced before? Can it really be a lengthy procedure being my first and all.

 

[Twag]

Well it's official.... I have been given my induction date being on the 17th August.

I think all is going to be OK with my mum as she is not coming down until the Wednesday 20th so hopefully my induction and labour does not take 3 days!!!! unless he is here before the Wednesday that is fine so then WE can tell her when to come! I am seriously hoping he comes fast I am not sure if she is finally taking on board that we are in control or the fact that she knows nothing may happen right away

Have any of you ladies been induced before? Can it really be a lengthy procedure being my first and all.

I have no advice about your mum but hope she has taken it all on board

Good luck with your induction - I was induced with my son 9.30am and I had him 10.25pm the same day I was in labour for 7 hours so it can be quick

 

[Mummy2b88]

Ohhh thank-you for your response. I am hoping it is a quick one, we want our son here so much and to be able to hold him

 

[Twag]

I hope you have a quick labour too so you get more time the 3 of you

 

[Mummy2b88]

I hope you have a quick labour too so you get more time the 3 of you

Sorry for such a late (5 week late ) response but he is here! and the labour was only 3 hours!! haha!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Aww congratulations!

 

[MrsC10]

Lovely news. Congrats! Our LO's are only a couple of days apart for birthdays Zoë is 5 weeks and 3 days x

 

[jlw617]

congrats! how have things been with your mom?

 

[Mummy2b88]

congrats! how have things been with your mom?

I guess ok, the there are a few things that are bugging me. She constantly refers to him as her boy and "my Myron" which drives us nuts and keeping his ultrasound photo in the same photo frame above her and my step dad, it kinda freaks me and my OH out it's as if its hers, and still buying things without asking to see if we may already have it, and i'm really considering not putting alot of photos on FB because in every post she really feels the need to say that she loves him, we know she does but does she really need to keep typing it in every post??? ( I hope I am not over reacting here) other than that, all is ok.


MrsC10 : thats great! haha and cool how close they both are

Thank-you all for the congratulations

 

[Misscalais]

My mil was like that ( she chooses not to be in our lives any more because hubby finally let it rip at her one day ) she bought stuff without me having an input ( pram, car seat etc ) while i was very grateful the weren't what i wanted.
Anyway, firstly you don't need to get rid of any of your cats. But cat is a cranky old thing but she just stays away from the kids
If i were you, i wouldn't tell your mum until after baby had been born. I feel it will just stress you out. Or if you feel you do want her there call her once you get into the hospital and see how progressed you are
My mum didn't come stay until my 1st baby was 12 weeks old. But mil was there a few days after he was born, she drove me nuts, i guess she meant well but i was so overwhelmed. They all live 5 hours away from us as well.
Just do what is right for you and OH, don't worry if she gets her knickers in a knot.

 

[Misscalais]

sorry didn't realize this was an old thread.

 

[Mummy2b88]

sorry didn't realize this was an old thread.

Haha that's ok no worries at all. Next birth. Things will be different as we'll be living in Holland, we're not going to tell anyone for as long as possible because I was tired of the constant questions. My MIL was great shedidn't and still doesn't interfere, she let's us just get on with it.