Coping with loss

[maybebaby87]

Hi ladies,

I am so sad to be posting here as i expect you all are.

I went for my first (early) ultrasound yesterday at 7w2d.

There unfortunately was no heartbeat. I also had the scan internally as i was clinging to that last bit of hope, but nothing. I saw for myself, a little bean, the place when its heart was and no movement. The lady confirmed my dates were right and it did measure around 7 weeks, so i must have lost it very recently.

I instantly blamed myself as i forgot a couple of prenatals and maybe had one or two hot baths. Did i eat something bad, did i massage my tummy to hard? I had a good cry and then at 4 am i had another.

I am scheduled for a ERPC on Friday as i cant bear the thought of passing the baby. Even now, its hard as the baby is here inside me. I've had some cramping but no spotting. I was due a scan at 11 weeks so i assume it would have been a mmc due to no bleeding, i would not have even known.

I feel a bit numb, like its so unreal.

I was thinking about getting a tattoo, like a quote.

I have a few:

Without the darkness, we'd never see the stars

The night is darkest just before the dawn

tomorrow may rain, so i'll follow the sun

with pain comes strength

shine until tomorrow, let it be

Never forget

XV.II.MMXIII (date of procedure)

Tomorrow is never promised

The symbol for infinity and simple words like fate/strength

Everything happens for a reason.


I know they arent so much in memory of, but i believe it just wasnt meant to be this time and maybe next time will be different. Sort of a quote for encouragement.

Is this silly/depressing?

I am going to think about it for a while, probably until i start thinking more rationally.

I just want to say to all mummy's with angel babies, i'm sorry for your loss. x

 

[TTCabundle]

So sorry for your loss I've just found out today that I've miscarried, it's such a horrible feeling
I personally think the tattoo is a lovely idea xx

 

[sedgeez]

im so sorry for your loss, i too found out today i had lost my baby.
they said they cant rule out an ectopic but theyre more than sure than the baby just stopped growing. i thought i was about 10 weeks but the baby was only 1cm so it stopped growing a while ago.

im absolutely devastated, we had been trying for over 2 years.

the worst bit is everyone knows i was pregnant so now we have to relive it as we tell people.

i know everything happens for a reason, but its a horrible thing to go through.

i have decided i want to miscarry naturally just because of being in hospital everyday this week with internal scans, exams etc, i just want to be left alone. but i have to have more bloods done on friday just to rule out ectopic.
i still have my symptoms and its just cruel. i just want it over with.

i think the tattoo is a wonderful idea, i was thinking of doing it myself.

i hope your ok, and im here if you need to talk

 

[LucyLake]

Just want to reach out and express my heartfelt sympathies to all of you and thank you for being here. Like you, I found out today Feb 13 at 7 weeks, 0 days that there is no heartbeat. I had been having light off and on spotting since 5 weeks, 3 days.

It has been a terrible, terrible day. My U/S tech was cold as could be and kept saying wait for the doctor after I questioned the terrified look on her face. My doctor wants me to let the baby pass naturally and have an U/S 2/22.

I was dying to hold this baby and had told our 8 year old son about him/her. It's been close to 10 years since baby #1 and my husband had finally agreed to try for #2.

 

[maybebaby87]

Sorry for your losses ladies.

This was number 1 for me and it makes me super scared to try again. I don't know if I could deal with it all over. My friends just announced they are expecting and I'm not that close to them anymore but it's still so hard. So many people we know are just getting preg and having no problems. All I can think is why me? I know that's a little selfish.

Thankfully we only told our parents and a couple of people at work. I told my grandparents and aunt about the loss and they have been so supportive. My fiancé doesn't seem to upset although he's been supportive. It never felt real for him and it wasn't planned so I don't think he understands.

Off to have my bloods today and sign the consent to go ahea with tomorrow. I still can't believe it.

 

[skyesmom]

hey dear, i am so sorry for you loss. i lost mine a year ago almost.. i personally think a tattoo is a lovely idea, and out of all the quotes you've suggested i like the 1st one best. i decided to get myself a ring with my baby's name and the date when we've lost him.

regarding your fiance', speaking from my own experience, men have different way of coping with grief then women do. they are expected to be strong and supportive and often have no one to talk about their own feelings, so they suck it all up. they can't be both upset AND supportive.
i am only now managing to talk about what happened to us with my now ex bf (but i hope it won't stay so! ), and it's been a year now. he still feels hurt and offended a bit because i thought he wasn't really attached or didn't care about the baby. and i feel very sorry when i hear this, and try to explain him that on a deeper level, i know he did, but as he showed very little feeling, and later very little support, too, i couldn't just assume it, not in the devastated state i was in.

planned or not, it was a child you two wanted. these things put strain even onto the strongest of the relationship.. the only advice i can give you is to try to communicate openly as much as possible, and try to be sincere with yourselves and each other regarding your feelings.

to you