Could my c-section have been prevented? Birth story.

[9jawife]

**No offense intended to those who have had elected c-sections or are happy about their c-section. I know everyone is different. For me, my c-section was definitely traumatic.**

Hi all. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm still trying to make sense of the birth of my son, Jayden. I believe I have post-traumatic stress of some sort, if not full blown PTSD. I was blessed with an uncomplicated pregnancy. I loved being pregnant. Everyone remarked how beautiful and happy I looked, and I was. I was looking forward to an easy birth. I invested in hypnosis for childbirth classes with my husband which reinforced the idea that birth was "safe and natural", and my body would just "know what to do." So when my water broke on 7/23 and labor didn't start for 12 hours, I started to wonder what was wrong with me. I happened to have a Midwife appointment booked that day, so she said to come in and get checked. I was only 1 cm dilated-not good. She said to check in to the hospital by 9 PM which from the time I told her would have been 12 hours since my water broke. In reality, it would be 24. I was trying to avoid interventions at all costs. I spent all day walking, bouncing on my birthing ball, going over speedbumps...to no avail. I cried when we entered the hospital. I knew what was coming. 16 hours on Pitocin, up to the highest dose. I've never known such agony. The biggest heartbreak was hearing I was stuck at 3 cm after all of that. My baby was transverse occiput (head to one side), and just could not descend. As a last resort we thought an epidural might relax me enough to dilate more. No luck. My baby wasn't in any distress, but he wasn't going anywhere either. I cannot describe the terror I felt at facing a c-section. Nowhere in my birth prep had I planned for this possibility. I'd been programmed to think that birth always goes well--when it doesn't, it's because of medical interventions. My husband held me and we both cried. I was shaking and crying as they wheeled me in to the OR. I've never felt more helpless in my life. This was not how I expected to meet my son..not by a long shot. I was planning an unmedicated water birth.....now a c-section? As they started cutting me open, I was horrified by the sensation. My husband wasn't allowed in the room yet. I called out "where is my husband?" but no one bothered to answer me. At one point he came in but I barely noticed him. The pressure...I screamed when they pulled my son out. Whoever thinks a section doesn't hurt.. I'd take those 16 hrs of contractions over that pulling sensation any day.. just knowing what they were doing to me. I heard my son's cry but couldn't see him for what seemed like ages. When they finally laid him next to me he was all clean and bundled up. I felt completely divorced from the natural birth process I had come to look forward to. I was supposed to hold my naked, squirming, vernix-covered baby on my chest, cord still attached, until the pulsing stopped. That was to be our grand finale. Not this sterile, routine hospital procedure which I had no part of. I felt like an utter failure for not being able to birth him. And I felt separated from him, instead of united. The biggest heartache of my life. He was looking at me with this intent gaze that I will never forget. He seemed so wise. I know he knew I was his mother. I wanted to connect with him but I just felt this dull ache. So painful. The rest of the hospital stay I could not sleep, and could barely eat. I kept running things over and over in my mind and wondering where I went wrong. I told myself if I'd had a home birth as I was originally planning, everything would be ok. Surely the homebirth midwives would've identified his malposition and done something before it was too late. I'll never know, but that's what my head was telling me. It was all a blur as I struggled to breast feed my son. My heart broke again when I failed to get him to take a good latch over several days with multiple lactation consultants, and as he was screaming with hunger we agreed to give him formula. I always wanted to exclusively breast feed. We're still struggling today, two weeks later. I told myself it was the labor inventions that made it so difficult. Who knows. I just know i'm suffering now. Every time I close my eyes I pray it's the time I never wake up again. I feel like my relationship with my son is ruined because of my traumatic experience in labor. I have yet to feel like I've really bonded with him..like he's "mine." I just feel like a machine taking care of him. horrible as that sounds.

My question is, do you think this c-section was necessary or could it have been prevented somehow whether during labor or before to try to correct malposition? Can they even tell if a baby is transverse occiput when not on Pitocin? I read that most TO babies can turn during labor, so maybe the midwives were thinking that would be the case. They said the cord was around his neck twice--so maybe that prevented him from turning. Maybe the c-section even saved his life. I know babies can be born with the cord around their neck and it can just be slipped off, but twice?

 

[skc22]

Oh hun, I can certainly understand where you are coming from.
I had a traumatic delivery too - I was induced as my bp was high. I was 5 days in established labour, 6 hours pushing, failed forceps then the c section. I bled alot on the table and my partner and LO were taken away for an hour while they tried to stop the bleeding and sew me up. When the Dr moved on to suture the vaginal tear and episiotomy from the forceps, I could feel it as the spinal anaesthetic had started to wear off. The Dr refused to give me any local until the anaesthatist screamed at her to stop and do it. I cannot have a vaginal delivery due to the shape of my pelvis, plus my daughters cord was so knotted there was no way she was going to come out. I have also had recurrent infections that lasted 20 months in my c section incision. I have been left with a horrific scar that the midwives told me I should get reconstructive surgery to fix, but I couldn't because of the infections.
I struggled with breastfeeding too, and had my heart set on it, didn't even occur to me I would have problems. I was put on domperidone and took fenugreek, and tried absolutely everything to increase my supply, but she had to be combi-fed till she self weaned at 15 months.That bothered me alot more than her birth.
Unfortunately, you cannot plan a perfect labour. That is why I really hate birthplans. It is great to have an idea of how you would like things to go, but honestly the chances of that happening are so small.
Has the hospital given you a follow up appointment? The only person you can really ask about the c section being necessary is a Dr and they can look through your notes and explain it to you. Every case is different. The nurses also arranged for me to see a councilor as they were sure I was going to develop PTSD, but I refused. Perhaps ask if this can be done, especially if you are struggling to bond with bubs. It is better to get some help sooner rather than later, and end up with PND. But please get some help. Do you have much of a support system around you?
I know people handle things differently, but for me, I really just focused on my daughter. All that mattered to me was that she got here safe and sound and I didn't really care what I went through.
Good luck, and congratulations on your little boy

 

[girl friday]

Both of mine were TO, my first labour started later Wednesday night/early Thursday morning and by late Saturday night he was still TO, I was exhausted, finally at 10cm and he was distressed. An EMCS under GA was my only option.
I understand your feelings about the delivery and having to supplement as I had them too.

I worked on dropping bottles, one at a time. I spent days sat in the settee topless, surrounded by food and drink, block feeding DS1 and managed to drop all bottles. It helped a lot. Is that something you would consider trying?

I have to say, you seem a lot more affected than I was. I never had the thoughts about not waking up. Maybe you should talk to someone? See if the hospital has a group or if someone can explain all the interventions used and why? Also speak to your own GP.

xx

 

[Scuba]

Sounds like you're really going through a rough time right now.

I planned everything down to the very last letter with my first daughter - I wanted pipe music, natural water birth, lights dimmed, everything very natural and calming - and it didn't work out that way - It was the most traumatic and stressful experience of my life and we very nearly lost our daughter because of the way my labour was handled.

With my second I elected to have a c section and it was a beautiful, calm experience which I enjoyed every second of. I think the worst thing a woman can do is to over plan her pregnancy and labour.. The healthy safe arrival of the baby is all that matters really and if women (myself included) were more receptive to this idea then I'm sure there'd be far less PND etc afterwards.
Deffo speak to someone about how you are feeling as it isn't normal to have SUCH strong desires not to wake up.. It's not your fault and you can get help xx

 

[rpp]

Sorry your birth seemed traumatic. From what I can tell they did what was safest for your child because if your waters break but you don't go into labour quick enough they have to intervene to stop the baby getting an infection and as your son was stuck they def need to get him out quickly . It may not be the birth you had hoped for but believe me they have done what is best and safest for your son. Emergency sections aren't nice was they is going to be a lot of panicking . As for the pain I maybe wrong but I think a lot of may have been down to your worrying. I had a section with my son and couldn't feel a thing neck down.

Anyway back to your question, my mate had too much fluid as was told if her waters broke she would have to be induced as there is a high risk of infection once waters go and your not contracting, also just like you my daughter got stuck but at 10 cm as they prepped me for a section luckily she came out.

Please please talk to someone but just believe me when I say it may not feel like it but they have done whats best by you xx

 

[9jawife]

Thank you for the replies everyone. It's been a difficult few weeks, processing all this, caring for a newborn, and struggling to keep my milk supply going.

skc22-Sorry about your experience. I did ask my attending midwife some questions and she thought the c-section was absolutely necessary. I requested my hospital records which they are sending to me. I am in the process of finding a counselor to talk this through with.

girl friday--What a success story! (breast feeding) What's a settee? I have been working on the latch every day. So far I have not been able to get a deep, effective latch. It is very shallow and the best I can hope for is not to be in pain. I do know he's getting some milk because I can hear him swallow, and sometimes see it in his mouth. Now my challenge though is getting my supply up because for the first week I was home I was unable to pump as much as recommended. I am taking an herbal supplement to help with my supply, pumping 8+ times a day, and eating/drinking as much as possible. I went from 1 oz to an average of 2 oz each pumping in a few days, so it's working. We see another Lactation Consultant this Monday to help us with the latch issue.

Scuba-thank you. I plan to see a counselor soon. Also taking a low dose of antidepressant medication which I'm sure is the only reason I'm able to sleep and eat now (I wasn't before.)

rpp-What you're saying makes sense. They couldn't just leave him in there forever with my water broken. I did get 36+ hours and a whole lot of pitocin to try to get him out naturally. Doesn't stop me from feeling like my body failed us, though.

 

[rpp]

You haven't failed hun you just needed assistance. With my first I pushed for 4 hrs till they assisted me. I was so ill and exhausted after I could barely hold her. Was kept in for a week and had two blood transfusions . Vaginal births can be horrific too I always have elective sections now as my son was born that way due to an infection I had xxx

 

[rory83coyotes]

oh honey I would definately go to couseling. Its not normal to feel that your relationship with your son is ruined just from the birth experience. Moms that adopt are still able to bond with their children and they didn't have any experience other than picking up the baby. I am not trying to beat you up with this but please seek some help.

I think that we sometimes place too much importance on the birth plan and feel like we failed when it doesn't go how we want it to. but we need to remember it was only a plan, not a set in stone. I don't think that your section would have been prevented even with your child in the right position. Your body didn't dialate. Sometimes thats natures way of saying "hey this is not a good idea" and letting you know that you need to do something else. My oldest never engaged into the birth canal but I did dilate to a 10. It can be aided by the pressure of the head but the contractions would have eventually finished the job.

I have had three sections. The first I was induced due to preeclampsia, pitocin till I was at a 10, pushed for 1.5 hours, and then he went into distress and my bp went through the roof so we did a section.

My second section I was taken straight to the OR at 32 weeks due to Pree again. (and she was breech).

For the third I got to walk into the OR for my scheduled date for a repeat section and this one was breech as well.

I find that it is not so much that I am happy with my section as that I am not unhappy. My baby is here, safe, and healthy. Do I wish that I had had a vaginal delivery sometimes? Sure but I look at my beautiful kids and it doesn't matter. I am thankful for the intervention that got us all safely to this point.

As for your milk, a lot of times it is tied up in your emotion. Since you are still so upset about the birth it maybe affecting your supply. I know that you have been to the LC many times but something that my last baby taught me is that she was picky. She would only do a football hold. anything else was shallow and uncomfortable. I really wanted to do a traditional cradle hold but she would have none of it. Don't be afraid to try different holds or maybe even a nipple shield.

Hugs momma, Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath. Are you getting any help and maybe just a nap. Don't be afraid to ask your husband for help. Don't feel like you have to be super woman. It will get better.

 

[rory83coyotes]

I did want to add that sure is a handsome little guy in your pic. He is adorable.

 

[9jawife]

I did want to add that sure is a handsome little guy in your pic. He is adorable.

Thank you. That was taken in the hospital and he's gotten even cuter now.

 

[MOMRETTIRC]

Your story sounds almost identical to mine, with the exception that I was induced at 42 weeks instead of due to my water breaking. I had my water broken, was in labor 16 hours on one and a half times the max dose, only progressed from a 4 to a 6, and his head was sideways so he wouldn't descend. I was stuck in the bed because I had to have internal monitors, so no chance of turning him. What I hoped would be an empowering natural birth turned into one intervention after another, ultimately leading to a c-sec. My son was born June 5th, and I often still wonder how it would have gone if I had just refused the induction, as my gut had told me to. I still cry when I hear about others' natural births, or watch women screaming during their births on TV. I desperately wanted skin to skin, and to see the sex of my baby first hand when he came out (we didn't know the sex util the birth) but instead had to hear the doc say it while he was hidden behind a sheet. I feel like I was cheated out of an experience that I should have been able to at least attempt, but if I had declined the induction, there was a chance insurance wouldn't cover the delivery! I feel like my body just wasn't quite ready for birth, as it didn't respond well to the pitocin, and had I been given the time to go into labor on my own, things would have been different. That being said, he was 9.5 lbs, and there's no saying that it would have gone differently. I'm finally getting to the point where I can tell myself (and sometimes believe it) that there is no point in wondering how it could have been different. Because I did what I thought was best for my baby in the moment, and I have to be able to accept that and move on. I never had a hard time bonding with him though, and breastfeeding, though challenging, is going well. I love my son more than anything in the world, and I would do it all again to have him in my life. Worth every second of that horrible delivery. Take comfort in knowing that time will heal you, physically and emotionally. The hardest thing for me was that I didn't feel like I could talk about it with anyone, because everyone always says "at least you have a healthy baby" and cannot understand why I am so sad about my birth. But if you can find a way to get your feelings out, like write in a journal, talk to a friend or your DH, or come here, it will help. I wish you the best, and I hope that you soon begin to heal, so that you can enjoy every second with your new little one. They grow up so fast!

 

[MOMRETTIRC]

I also want to add... I dont know if you've tried them yet, but I was really struggling to get my nipples to heal up and not hurt even after several weeks of breastfeeding. I bought some nipple shields to wear between feedings, which keep them from touching anything, and allows them to air out. This was a lifesaver for me, and I attribute my successful continuation of breastfeeding to them. I was SOOOO sore, and those made it possible for me to heal up. Good luck again!

 

[girl friday]

A settee is another word for sofa or couch.

How's it going now?

xx

 

[eppgirl]

I know this post is old but I wonder the same thing. I was told I have pre eclampsia and went in to be induced. The doctor that ordered the induction wanted to let it take its course (ie. Not break my waters until they tried everything else.) Well, another doctor was the one actually doing the induction and he came in an hour after pitocin and broke my water. Everything after that went pretty well, until I got around 6/7 cm and he told me to push to see if my little boy was coming down as he should. Than because I was pushing to early my cervix swelled around my sons head. I believe if he hadn't of done that I would have had him natural....

 

[Starry Night]

To the OP

Stories like yours make me a little angry at all the pressure that is being placed on women to have the perfect birth plan. Birth planning has almost become like wedding planning where the overall purpose of the day (having a baby) is lost in the details. There are too many c-sections these days but in the push against unnecessary sections, I think the literature forgets to mention there are times when it IS necessary. In your case, it does sound like you needed one.

My body also failed me during labour. Nothing was by the book and everything bad happened before I got my epidural....which didn't even work, by the way! Just froze up my back. For me, I didn't have a birth plan. I tried to come up with one but just couldn't think of anything (I sucked at wedding planning too...DH picked the colour theme...)

It took me a little while to fully bond with my son. I knew he was mine and that I liked him, but it took me about a week or two to truly LOVE him. What helped was to talk to other people about what I liked about him and what about him I was grateful for. It didn't take long after that for the ooey-gooey feelings to come.

Definitely talk to a professional. It can be so hard when something so important to us doesn't go according to plan. And your son is definitely a cutey!!

EDITED; did not realize this was an older post.

to eppgirl - it does seem odd that you were told to push at 7cm. Almost seems like he was just trying to get out of there. But I am not a doctor so I don't know whether or not there would ever be any benefit to pushing early.