Covert rudeness continues

[honeybunch2k7]

This is hard for me to explain, but sometimes I still feel like my family is being rude to me.

I don't know if it's my head or they just don't realize what they are doing.

For example, I was riding with my grandma, and she's telling me this wasn't a good time for a baby. I needed to wait until after college or until my partner is ready. I can understand the latter, but what about when I feel ready? Not everyone wants to wait until they are 30 to have kids.

I still get the vibes from people that it's a good thing I had a miscarriage (and am not pregnant again) b/c I would have been a bad mom, I can finish college now (never wanted to go until I had a major chosen now I'm kind of stuck).

 

[MrsJD]

Sorry for you loss hun.

Your emotions run high after a MC and this makes us sensitive afterwards. I'm sure they won't be making you out to be a bad mother.

 

[becky77]

Hi hun , you know ,it sounds to me like they are trying to say the right thing but it is actually coming out really bad and sounding heartless, like saying about finishing college perhaps they are trying to put a positive spin on an awful situation. i agree with you only you know when you are ready to be a mum and i am sure you will be a great mum.
i have found that people that have not been in our situation dont really know what to say so usually put there foot in it, im sure your family dont mean any harm, but to you it is very real.
hope you feel better soon x

 

[MrsJD]

Hi hun , you know ,it sounds to me like they are trying to say the right thing but it is actually coming out really bad and sounding heartless, like saying about finishing college perhaps they are trying to put a positive spin on an awful situation. i agree with you only you know when you are ready to be a mum and i am sure you will be a great mum.
i have found that people that have not been in our situation dont really know what to say so usually put there foot in it, im sure your family dont mean any harm, but to you it is very real.
hope you feel better soon x

Very true.

They're probably trying to put a positive spin on it, especially your Grandma, she probably thought that was a positive thing she said.

 

[sam's mum]

I'd be upset too. I think people say things without thinking though. They think that trying to see the 'positives' ('now you can finish college'/'it wasn't the right time anyway') will help and don't realise they're just making things worse x

 

[Drazic<3]

I would find that very hurtful too, but id like to think she is just trying to comfort you.

 

[JASMAK]

Ugh! The old "I am going to make her feel better by telling her how better off she is without the pregnancy" scene. It never ceases to amaze me what people will say, and the sad thing is, it is usually those closest to us. I truly doubt that these people think you would be a terrible mother and I truly doubt that they wished your baby not be born. They are only try to get you to look on the "brighter side of life". They are just ignorant of your feelings and how hurtful their words are. If you feel comfortable, you could always say so..."I know you are trying to make me feel better, but your words feel hurtful." Or, you can do as most of us have, and grin and bear it. So sorry hon.

 

[BurtonBaby]

I'm sorry you are going thru this.. I'm going through the same with my family. I don't understand why people think pointing out positives about not being pregnant, make you feel better about losing a child. I'm ready to just yell at the next person who says something like that, so maybe I can save someone else down the line the heartache of hearing it. I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[JASMAK]

I'm sorry you are going thru this.. I'm going through the same with my family. I don't understand why people think pointing out positives about not being pregnant, make you feel better about losing a child. I'm ready to just yell at the next person who says something like that, so maybe I can save someone else down the line the heartache of hearing it. I hope it gets easier for you.

LOL! I just had a little chuckle, because I feel the same way....like I need to educate people so that they don't say a bonehead thing to the next person!!!

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I've been flat out told I'm going to be a bad mom on several occasions, just b/c I'm 21. I think my grandma doesnt realize what she saying, but I can't say the same for other family members.

 

[JASMAK]

I've been flat out told I'm going to be a bad mom on several occasions, just b/c I'm 21. I think my grandma doesnt realize what she saying, but I can't say the same for other family members.

Well, age has nothing to do with it! My mom had my brother at 15, and my sister and I (we're twins) at 17. She is the bestest mother. I am sorry they think that way. That must hurt terribly to hear that. It probably makes you not want to share much with them, and that is sad, because they will miss out in the end.