Crazy Weekend

[Mummy2Be_at20]

So my weekend was crazy. My mom told my stepdad about the baby and he basically gathered trash bags threw them at me and told me to pack everything I had and whatever I couldn't I would have to leave behind. I had posted my pregnancy announcement on FB and all my relatives were calling and crying and upset. so then my mom asked me what I was going to do and I told her that my OH and I had discussed marriage because I do love him incredibly much and he's such a good guy, and that he would then claim me and the baby as his dependents which would increase his salary, we'd get great medical insurance, free daycare, affordable housing, and the baby would have its own room, and then I would go back to school. My mother flipped out on me, saying I was going to become a statistic and a woman who just sat in the house having and taking care of babies, as if being a SAHM was an insult! She then made her own plan up for me without any say on my part. Basically I'm going to attend the same college in TN for the first semester then second semester I will move into her home where I will take online classes, when the baby comes she wants me to get food stamps get an apartment with leftover financial aid and her finances, then take the baby with me to live when he's 5 months. My OH will still live 9 hours away and she feels he can just send money through child support. As if this isn't his baby, and he doesn't have a say on raising the child! He was completely flabbergasted when I proposed her plan to him and his mom satarted to cry

 

[youngone]

sorry just butting in here from WTT, but, aren't you 20 years old??? your mum can't plan your life out for you, your not even her dependant? your an adult you don't have to listen to her, and to be honest, her plan sounds selfish and immature.

Do what you feel is best for your family (meaning, you 3), because it's your life! you will be the one paying any negative consequences of her plan, not her.

People only have as much control over you as you allow them to- show her you can make your own decisions, and that her advice is welcome but there is a fine line between advice and control- they should have more faith in you!! i'm sure you'll do great!!

Goodluck!!

 

[Rosie604]

Her plan is absolutely the worst thing possible for the baby and YOU. YOU need to be happy as well, I just had my baby and if I had the opportunity you do with your OH, I would be in heaven. You seem to have your head screwed on better than your mom right now. Her plan is completely outrageous and unreasonable. You would be doing an amazing thing for your child to step into being an adult so quickly. (not that you aren't already, I just don't know you lol) I say, keep up the good work and good luck with your mom.

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Yea how about no? As an adult you can tell your mom exactly where to go, and what you need to do at this point in time is pack up, and move away. Your parents and fanily are being awful.about this situation ans.you dont need the stress. I moved out of my.mothers house at 17, to be on my own whe i was pregnant with our first...best choice i ever made. You need to be firm and in control or your.mother is going to ruin this whole thing for you and your OH who also has a say as to where you live ajd what you do with his child. Your mom makes me.want to smack thw crap out of her. Control freak much?

 

[lov3hat3]

Do what you wanna do.
I don't live with my mum or anything so it wasn't so hard for me to tell her this time around. I just told it to her straight, im having a baby, im moving in with OH at the beginning of next year, not asking you to be happy about it just asking you to accept it. I think she kinda respected me for it. Just don't take any shit. Your 20 years old at the end of the day, shes had her time to tell you what to do and that times over now. So just ignore her,no matter how hard it is to do. Who knows maybe when the baby gets here she'll change her mind maybe she wont, it will be her loss.

 

[mayb_baby]

Do what's best for you and your family.

I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had Michael, I moved out when I was 7 months pregnant as did OH and we having been living together since.

My mum wasn't happy I was pregnant as I had to take a year out of university but she accepted this was me and OHs child and as an adult no one had a say over me or how me and OH handled our life.

I hope this is all a 'first reaction' from your family as normally it all dies down before the baby is born and family are a lot more accepting. Are you going to stick by your plans?

 

[skyesmom]

i agree with all the previous posters! you are not 12 years old anymore, you're 20. you're young yes but you're not your mom's baby anymore. SHE CAN NOT MAKE ANY PLANS FOR YOU.
so just say no, move out with your OH, get married and she'll come around. but don't do what she says you to do because it's the dumbest plan i've ever heard of. you are incredibly lucky to have an OH and his family to support you. your mother has NO RIGHT to take HIS CHILD away from him. and away from you. do you want your baby to grow up with your mother???
if you don't have enough strength or courage to move out for your own sake, do it for your babies one, otherwise you're condamning him/her to your own destiny.

 

[mstennischick]

you're mother is disgusting. I would kill for the opportunity that you have with your OH. Move in with him. He'll actually take care of you, which is something your mom hasn't seemed to grasp. You can't just take this child away from him, take it away from it's grandmother, she has no right to tell you what to do. i would laugh in my mom's face if she tried to tell me stuff like that. You need to leave there, it is not healthy for you, and you have another life to worry about now, it's not healthy for the baby either

 

[MummyMana]

Sometimes, when people come up with stupid ideas, you just have to smile, nod, and do the complete opposite your plan is sound, hers makes no sense!

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Not her decision to make, nor anyone elses for that matter. You are legally an adult, and whether she likes it or not, you're having a child. She will have to learn to take a step back and let you make your own path and mistakes.
My mum also reacted badly to my first pregnancy, I was 17, already left school and working, and had been moved out 8 months and living with my partner. She told me exactly what she thought and I turned round and told her I was sorry she felt that way but my decision was made and it was up to her if she wanted to be a part of mine and my child's life, or not.
I am now 22, I have three children. My mum was never excited at my pregnancies particularly but she adores her grandchildren. Sometimes its hard for mums to let go.

 

[megrenade]

I saw your previous post in 1st trimester section. Wasn't your mother and grandmother pretty much forcing you to have an abortion?

You are an adult. You and your spouse will make it just fine, you don't need them.. stop letting her control you.. I mean, afterall, she wanted you to terminate your pregnancy!

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

That seems to be the consensus except obviously easier said then done. I'm just getting a major headache over this whole ordeal

 

[MummyMana]

How come its easier said than done? You already have the plan...

 

[mayb_baby]

It really is that simple as to follow your plan and the rest will fall into place x

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

How come its easier said than done? You already have the plan...

Oh because my family is so strange. I think instead of respecting my decision they will write me off, but I'm compromising with my OH and my mom. I'm going to continue at my university this semester (which is 8 hours away from my OHs military base) so that my mom will be satisfied that I'm continuing my education. Then I'm going to just transfer to a school in NC and move there in December to start school in January. My mom doesn't want us living together for some reason even though its not like I can get pregnant while I'm pregnant lol. Besides I think my OH is planning on proposing to me in on Christmas I hate that I ruined the surprise! But I'm so damn nosey that I went snooping and saw him talking about it with his mom. I want to be married before the baby is born though, just to make it feel like a tighter family unit, and because of financial reasons in the military. Despite my family I'm so excited for the future.

 

[MummyMana]

Tbh if I was I'm your situation I wouldn't even try to compromise with your Mum, she needs to realise that your a person I'm your own right, not just her property, and by the sounds of things she's not gonna realise that until you make a stand ie just do it

 

[skyesmom]

Tbh if I was I'm your situation I wouldn't even try to compromise with your Mum, she needs to realise that your a person I'm your own right, not just her property, and by the sounds of things she's not gonna realise that until you make a stand ie just do it

i totally agree on that. the only way you can show your mom that you're indeed capable of caring for your baby is to stop being her baby that she can control like that. they may write you off for a while but when u show them u can make it on your own - meaning with your OH and his family - they'll come around.
as long as you comply to their insane needs, you are just showing them they have all the reasons to doubt that u can indeed take care of yourself and your child.

 

[xforuiholdonx]

I think id rather be written off then try compromising with a controlling physcotic twit. Its not easier said then done. You are an adult, end of story. I was 17 years old when I moved in with my now husband. Was it a struggle living on minimum wage? Yes. Did we have alot? No. Did we have what we needed to survive however? Yes.
You've let your mother control everything down to your career choice, which you obviously wont be happy about later. High time to stand up to her and stand on your own to feet.
You are better off without someone that wants/wanted you to kill your child without even thinking about how you would feel.about it or how it would effect you in the long wrong.
sorry but this ticks me off