Crying in public and stress.

[Monzter79]

I had to do a short trip to Target the other day and LO (3.5 mos) started really crying at the end. I took him out of his car seat and held him while we made our way through the checkout. But as soon as I buckled him back in so we could leave- fit!

After, I took him to a park in his stroller. He just screamed and cried. I knew he was tired and he finally fell asleep. (Until the loudest motorcycle in the world flew by and scared the shlt out of him. but that's another story)

I feel so stressed and panicked when he cries, even at home. I kind of feel like I'm going to lose it...

I was talking to my mom about it and she told me that she never took her babies anywhere and just did her shopping when my father was home- because "nobody wants to listen to a baby cry." And after 6 weeks she had to go back to work to be a "real person" so she didn't have the luxury of sitting at home to "play mommy" all day. Thanks, mom?

My husband is gone 15 hours of the day and I am alone. I only see him for one hour. Of course I don't want to leave him on his days off. Nor do I want our time together to be eaten up by chores and errands. My friends and family live out of state. I have to get out of the house. It would be unhealthy not to.

Is it inappropriate to be in public with a crying baby? How am I supposed to get anything done? And, how can I combat the severe anxiety his crying causes me?

 

[Googiepie]

I have a 19 month old and 1 month old, so I totally understand. Just the other day my toddler decided to throw a huge tantrum while the little one started crying right in the middle of the mall. Baby was hungry so I found a quiet spot and fed her, she calmed down right after but my toddler isn't as easily pleased. To be honest, I just let her throw a tantrum in her stroller. I've tried on many occasions to try to calm her down which seemed to only make the tantrum worse so from now as long as she can't hurt herself and she's okay, I let her go for it, lol. Most people in my experience have been understanding. Babies are gonna cry. I think it would be unrealistic and impossible for you to only get errands done when your hubby is home. I don't think it's inappropriate to be out with a crying baby, you have to get things done. Have your tried baby wearing? Maybe that would make things easier for you.

 

[Linnypops]

It's completely normal for babies to cry and since my dd did it a LOT as a tiny baby I just had to get used to it and so did others. Other people will understand - those who don't are more than likely childless and don't count

 

[hanni]

It's only inappropriate to be around people who were never once babies themselves or people who never cried in public when they were babies. Other than that it's perfectly acceptable because that's what babies do, thats what we've all done and that's ok!
I'd have a sharp word to say to anyone who gave me any grief about my son crying, Most people don't care anyway.

 

[HoneyBee144]

Don't listen to your mum. Baby's cry, its what they do and the only way they can communicate.

I understand the anxiety it causes you, I had it with my first. I felt like if he was crying then I must be failing as a mother, this was rough as he had colic and cried consistently for 3 hours every night from around 6-12 weeks. I now know that's just not true. As I said at the start, baby's cry as its the only way they can communicate. If I am out and my baby or my toddler start to cry then I will do my best to soothe them in any way I can but sometimes there is nothing you can do. If someone doesn't like it then they can move away from me, believe me I've had some looks but I just ignore them. I know its not nice and can be annoying for other people when they have to hear baby's cry but that's just tough, I have as much right as they do to go out and do what I have to, I'm not shutting myself and my children away to suit them.

Regarding the anxiety, I think its worse because as a mother you naturally hate to hear your baby cry. Have faith in yourself, I know some days its hard when you're worn down and emotional but you know you would do anything for your child and would never let then cry if you didn't have to. Sometimes you just cant help it though. Chin up, you're doing a great job

 

[felix555]

Get a wrap or carrier. This stressed me out too, when my baby cried it was like nails down a chalkboard for me ... when he was being carried he never cried. Perfect for shopping

 

[staralfur]

I used to be so stressed out about taking my LO out when she was crying but I refused to just sit at home all day, as that just made the anxiety and stress worse.

After a few times out and actually watching for people's reactions to my LO, most people didn't even look towards us, and those who did weren't angrily glaring or looking annoyed, I got mostly sympathetic smiles or people just looking over to make sure there wasn't an abandoned baby crying somewhere.

To be honest even when I was childless and not a fan of babies/kids, I can't remember ever being annoyed by crying babies in stores or anything. There were a few times where I was stuck on an hour long bus ride with a baby who screamed the whole time - and that would probably still annoy me now even though I have a child - but I've never thought "that mom shouldn't be out with that baby" or laid any blame on the mom/baby.

I don't think anyone heads to the mall or the grocery store expecting everything to be calm and peaceful. Crying babies and tantruming toddlers are par for the course, really.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

Babies cry, toddlers have melt downs, children are just generally naughty!
I used to get so stressed when my son had a melt down but now I just don't care. It doesn't matter. You need to not worry about what other people think.
I'd never leave the house if I lived in fear of my 5 year old kicking off. He's a pain in the arse.
It's other people's problems not yours. Just remember those who judge have either forgotten what it's like or have never had children.

 

[sarah34]

As a previous post has said babies cry, it is the only way they can communicate at this stage.

I used to get very stressed when my lo cried both in public and at home but try to just tell yourself that your little one is trying to tell you someone, he's not crying because something is upsetting him although it sounds like it. As adults we associate crying with being upset but your lo is just saying 'hey I need you to do something'.

As for being out and the baby is crying, I always try to time my outings when I know my lo will be happiest. Eg straight after a nap and food. I know this might be difficult if you don't have a set routine yet but maybe you could try taking him out in the stroller when he is rested and well fed and see if he is happier then? Don't worry about what other people think! Xx

 

[Bella1185]

Must be something about Target! When DD was a baby she had a huge mega meltdown there, and this sweet sweet older man behind us in line, stepped up to our cart and started smiling at her and showing her things. He was probably 80something, and he just had the sweetest demeanor. DD totally loved him and was so entertained. I must have looked stressed (I was!!) because he just winked at me and said to DD "tell your mom that I have 8 grandkids and the best thing to do when they cry is remember...those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!"
He was so right! I've never forgotten that! Babies cry! If people don't understand that, they can go fly a kite! Try to take some deep breaths and just know it'll pass soon

 

[Monzter79]

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. It was a lousy thing for my mom to say to me, and I am still pretty hormonal in general. AF returned 3 mos postpartum, though I'm EBF. Due to have my thyroid screened again soon (Hashimoto's disease) and think my meds need adjusting since being pregnant.

I have a moby wrap (he loves it), ergo wrap (loves it), ergo performance(he hates it) and mei tie (also hates). Of course the two easy on/off options he hates. It's also been very hot lately, so I haven't wanted to deal with the wraps. If anyone has a suggestion for a cooler wrap, let me know please! I love wearing him and think it will help... But he is not a happy camper when he's too hot. (Neither am I!)

He had been shopping in his stroller very well, but I think we're hitting a rocky developmental spot. I know it will get better. But meanwhile, my eye won't stop twitching and my hands shake. Deep breaths!

It's hard- being alone this much with no clue what I'm doing. The lack of good rest on top of it has me edging up on frazzled.

Thx again for your replies!

 

[amelia26]

I used to worry and stress so much when my son was a baby and cried like that in public. I was always worrying about what people must think. As he got one I started noticing all the other crying babies around. All the crying babies I hadn't ever really noticed before.
Most people have experience of babies - as their children or siblings or nieces or nephews. Most people realise babies cry and you can't always just stop them. Most people are more likely to respond with sympathy than annoyance, although in actual fact they're even more likely to just get on with their day and not give it a second thought.

As long as you're not taking your baby to wildly inappropriate places (my Dad went to the ballet last year and someone brought their newborn who cried the entire first act until they were asked to leave).
But shops and normal out and about is entitrely fine. And much better for your sanity than staying in all the time

 

[redneckhippy]

My son HATES being in his car seat. Like full on red in the face wailing. I'm usually so stressed by the time I get anywhere it makes me not want to leave the house. But I got a carrier and that helps a lot. He will often fuss for a few moments becuase he is still so worked up from being in his car seat, but then he usually falls asleep on me. Plus it's nice having my hands and cart free while I'm shopping.

 

[felix555]

When it was too hot I just put my LO in just a vest and sometimes even naked in the Ergo ... might not be practical for you as it seems you are driving to these places and then taking him out the car etc where I just walked from home and took public transport.

I hear what you're saying about it getting too hot.

Can definitely relate to the anxiety when your baby cries, I had this too and not because I cared what others thought I just hate it and want to fix what is wrong him him ASAP. It gets better ... I am now (he's 2) easily able to ignore at least some cries

 

[MrsKChicago]

Try a linen ring sling. They're relatively cool, snuggly, and it's easy to pop baby in and out. I love mine.

I think most people understand that babies cry. As long as you aren't bringing a baby to a fancy date night restaurant on Friday night or something, it's just part of life. I only get annoyed if a baby is in a totally inappropriate place, or if its parents are making no attempt at all to soothe the baby or get through their errands quickly so they can take care of it.

 

[Zephram]

My LO was horrendous as a young baby, we literally couldn't go anywhere without him losing his shizz and screaming the place down. I used to get really stressed and embarrassed too, but I now realise that babies cry and sometimes you just have to get things done. So, don't feel bad about it, just get on and do it. Like someone said, try a wrap or front pack, if baby calms down when held at least you'll be hands free then. And don't listen to your mum, she's being unfair and putting pressure on you. Basically every parent will give you a sympathetic look if they see you out with a screaming baby - because they've been there. Don't worry about any judgy types, they've probably got it coming to them one day!