csa or not?

[me2kids.bump]

I really don't no what to do, i think i shouldn't but everyone keeps telling me i should???
Me and the baby's father are not together, we never have been, it was kind of just a mutual sex thing, what we both were happy with.
When i got caught pregnant he said he didn't want anything more to do with me, didn't want me to keep the baby and when i told him there was noway i couldn't keep our baby he said he would never be involved with either of us.
I am willing to cope on my own with all the responsibilities of the baby and never bother him with anything, but my mum/dad friends etc are all saying he should pay for this baby because its not fair on me struggling with the costs on my own........ please don't judge me just need a few helpful reply's.
thanks

 

[jessrabbit]

My situation is similar, not a relationship but a rebound so we were never properly together and its been tough so far. Difference is that at the moment he says that he wants to be involved and pay and agrees it is best to go through the CSA to keep it all above board.

From what I have seen on here, men seem to let curiosity get the better of them when baby is born and he may come around and suddenly want to be involved, normally towards to end of the pregnancy or when baby is born.

Personally I would go through the CSA, at the end of the day its not what you both planned, but why should you shoulder all the responsibility on your own when it takes two to tango. Perhaps if you go through CSA it may make him re-evaluate his lifestyle and see the consequences of his actions.

I gave FOB the option to run and never be involved but if he was going to do it, to do it from the very beginning and I didnt want him dipping in and out when he felt guilty. Whether or not he will stick around when he realises what a newborn involves is yet to be seen, but guess i will be finding out pretty soon.

Good luck and pm me if you need to xx

 

[Mally01]

Like Jess said, it takes two to make a baby and don't take all the responsibility for it. If he didn't want a child, then he should choose proper protection. I think we might probably all know/ have met men in the past that were quite strict about using condoms because they were being extra careful.

I've said this before and it's not a nice analogy but it's how men behave. He can't treat a baby like it's a refundable item at a store 'Oh, I don't like this now, so will you take it back for me and get a refund'. I would at least try the nice route first of asking him for support, then maybe go further.

It depends how you really feel as well. If you wish to just erase him from both you and your babies life, you can cope on the money you have and he is happy to disappear then in your circumstance maybe, yes you can not ask him for child support.

 

[emf81]

Hi, Similar situation! He decided having a baby wasn't for him and didnt bother answering my text/calls since may (3 months pregnant). Had Alex in October and text and emailed him to let him know and asked him to let me know he had got the message, again no reply. Left it a month and got very annoyed he couldn't be bothered to answer so rang the CSA, they are currently waiting for him to respond!

It a personal choice as to how you deal with things!! Don't worry what anyone else thinks, there will always be some who support you and some who disagree with how you handle things! Hope all works out for you xx

 

[me2kids.bump]

Thank you all for your replys made me feel much better about this x

 

[babybambi2011]

it takes two to tango! even though your baby wasnt planned, its not fair on him to get away with not doing anything and you stuck with all the financial burden of looking after a baby.
you both made your baby and its only fair that he pays his part.

 

[me2kids.bump]

Thank you so much ladies but fob has had a slight change of heart!!
He has decided that he will be involved in the baby's life but just not mine, which i can cope with that as i wasn't really looking for a relationship anyway, as long as he doesn't change his mind again that is! xx

 

[Laura2919]

He might not want this baby but he helped create it so therefore should pay! Regardless of your situation he is the baby's dad and I would say go to CSA, even if you dont use the money you could put it into a savings account for when the baby is older.

 

[MummyJade]

Def go to CSA, he should pay for his child even if he isn't around...
x

 

[teal]

I don't have any contact with my ex/FOB. We were in a relationship (and friends before then) but he cut contact when I made it clear I was keeping the baby.

I don't know if it was the right decision but I've never claimed any maintenance from him. To be honest I wouldn't know where to start since I have no contact details for him xx

 

[Laura2919]

I don't have any contact with my ex/FOB. We were in a relationship (and friends before then) but he cut contact when I made it clear I was keeping the baby.

I don't know if it was the right decision but I've never claimed any maintenance from him. To be honest I wouldn't know where to start since I have no contact details for him xx

They can try and trace him.