Cultural differences in parenting - right or wrong?

[ttc_lolly]

I've just seen this whilst reading the news;

Spoiler

Can be upsetting to some - contains half naked 4 year old boy being made to run around and do press ups in the snow

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/furore-ov...ercise-in-snow-dressed-in-just-his-pants.html

I personally think this is awful. His crying and pleas to stop made it all the worse The boy's father (who made him do this all and recorded it ) has fought back at the bad press and said he is just making his son more manly and strong. He's training his son, in body and mind, to be strong and fight off illnesses and being cold?!

I then looked up 'The Tiger Mother'. Her name is Amy Chua and she has written a book on her parenting skills - this is a snippet of what I've found online;

By her own admission, Chua has called her daughters, Sophia and Lulu, "garbage," "worthless," "barbarian," "common," "low," and "disgusting." Chua's book is filled with anecdote after anecdote about how she wields unrelenting command and control over her girls, threatening to burn her children's stuffed animals and treating them cruelly:


I threatened [Lulu] with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas and no Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing [her piano piece] wrong, I told her she was purposefully working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

I'm in absolute shock. I know not all chinese parents parent this way of course, but one side of the arguement is that this is a cultural difference and the western society is just much more laid back and lenient.

What do you think? Child abuse or just a different way of parenting to what we are used to?

 

[Lightworker]

I think the definition of abuse is universal and not be marred by cultural differences.

What is not clear to me is is this actually "Chinese Parenting"..or a Chinese parent. Because it is easy to confuse the two, and attribute the individual's parenting style to a whole culture when maybe its not.

 

[smelly07]

It does not seem like they are making their child do this as a form of punishment and i think they probably do think this will make him stronger so in a sense i do feel this is a different 'cultural' way of parenting rather then doing it to punish him for bad behaviour or to harm him.


but its still wrong imo and i see it as abuse but i dont think these parents view it that way just like alot of parents who smack their children do not view it as abuse iykwim.

x

 

[ttc_lolly]

I agree - as I said, I don't think all chinese parents parent like this. I grew up with a chinese girl and I know her parents didn't do anything of the sort like this.

It still doesn't sit right with me though. I could never imagine any sane person making their 4 year old child run around in the freezing weather like that, especially when they aren't happy doing so

 

[Blah11]

horrid. if they chose to live over here then they need to adapt themselves more to our western culture especially when theyre borderline breaking a law.

 

[Nibblenic]

I dont know if it is just culture. I think well I know, that some parents still do horrible things to thier own child to 'toughen them up' I think in the UK we're just put in behind closed doors.

 

[indy and lara]

There was an interesting Wonderland program about Chinese parents a few weeks ago. It showed the determination of the parents to ensure that their children succeed. This is nothing like this, As others have said, abuse is abuse. Cultural differences play no part in this.

Sadly I have seen this a few times in my working life. Interestingly never from the Chinese families I have worked with.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Koreans must be more laid back

I worked with a Samoan family where the father beat the son as a form of discipline because that's what was acceptable in Samoa. They were a CPS case as a result, but CPS worked with the family to show them why this was unacceptable in California.

 

[shellie]

I feel so sorry for that poor child, he looks so upset. xxx

 

[PocoHR]

I didn't read/watch the initial article (I can't watch very upsetting things and I think that would bother me), so my comment might be a little off topic, but I have had some interesting discussions recently about cultural differences in parenting. My husband is French, and you can see there are differences in the way parents are with their children here. There is more criticism and a lot less praise, which produces, in a way, more grounded children I think. Also, much more "fussing". French parents tell their kids how to do everything; sitting, standing, walking, eating, shopping: there seems to be a "right" way to do everything (which I think truly limits creativity, because they get the message that you must behave one way).

We also have friends, a couple, she is from NZ and he is Italian, they just had a baby and they are already arguing about the differences in their parenting styles. He wants to teach his son that life is hard and you have to work to feel proud of yourself. And he doesn't want to "baby" the baby. He thinks my friend from NZ is too soft and too responsive to her son. I think there are many nuances like these in Eastern and Western cultures, you can't draw broadstrokes. And, in our discussions at least, I think both ways have validity to an extent.

I think that mother who wrote "Tiger Mom" sounds a little insane. She wanted to sell books, and I suppose you have to carry things pretty far to make people interested enough to purchase your book. But, aside from real verbal or physical abuse (which is I think what she was describing), there is room for different styles of parenting. I can see how some people are too nice with their kids sometimes. They sacrifice honesty for warm fuzzy feelings, and I think that doesn't help anyone. Also, I think people in the west tend to spoil their children (because its fun), and then get angry when they have ungrateful teens, which is just ridiculous to me. There are less of these kinds of problems in Europe. I was suprised at my first Christmas with my husband's family, each child got around 3-5 presents. And not outrageous, huge presents (one child got one big present, but only one). This was so different from my Christmases growing up (and my parents had NO money really), we always have at least 20 things to open.

Anyway, I think abuse is abuse no matter where you are in the world. If you do something that produces real and lasting trauma to your child, physically or emotionally, you can't explain it away as a "parenting style". But, at the same time, there is such a thing as parenting styles and they all come with their own costs/benefits.

 

[Maman]

i think in the times we live in any parent who treats their child with that sort of lack of respect deserves to lose their rights to parent. its not acceptable and culture isnt a reason to hide behind- the world is a smaller place and with the internet and all information available plus we know more about medical issues and psychology than ever before- theres no reason to parent in such a poor fashion.

Also im nto a bystander- i can tell you if i saw a parent laying in to their child, i would stand up and question them, i hope people arpund me would do the same if they disagreed with my parenting.