Cycle 21, Month 15, Day 468 - A Rant

[LilacPetal]

And CD1...again! Never even a hint of a BFP. What am I doing wrong? I've changed my diet, decreased my stress (or at least my best attempt), had layed back cycles, had meticulously planned cycles, tried vitamins and supplements, the list goes on. And then I wake up this morning with the MOST excruciating cramps and bloody mess. I'm so tired of being disappointed over and over again. I understand that I have plenty to be thankful for, and I am, but my plans/views of the future have been based on having children with my husband and all this waiting is depressing.

 

[awnmyown]

Hi Lilac Sorry to hear it's a struggle; the worst part of TTC, isn't it? The waiting.

I know it's a lot of a rant, but have you had a chance to meet with your doctor or a specialist? They usually say to wait about a year before seeking help, and 21 cycles would definitely count. How are your charting temps? Nice signs of O'ing every cycle?? Is your luteal phase appropriately long? The more information you can gather, then you can start to see if there's anything to worry about, or if it's just a waiting game.

I really hope you get your BFP soon; wish people didn't have to wait so long.

 

[KatO79]

You aren't doing anything wrong! Getting a BFP is all chance. You have a 20% chance every month, no matter what you do (so you can't increase your chances).

I'd say if you've been trying that long, it may be time to seek out a RE and look into getting tested (both you and your DH).

 

[LilacPetal]

Hi Lilac Sorry to hear it's a struggle; the worst part of TTC, isn't it? The waiting.

I know it's a lot of a rant, but have you had a chance to meet with your doctor or a specialist? They usually say to wait about a year before seeking help, and 21 cycles would definitely count. How are your charting temps? Nice signs of O'ing every cycle?? Is your luteal phase appropriately long? The more information you can gather, then you can start to see if there's anything to worry about, or if it's just a waiting game.

I really hope you get your BFP soon; wish people didn't have to wait so long.

Thank you so much for your reply! I haven't seen a doctor/specialist yet and it might be a while before I can financially. The waiting is killer, especially when most people around me end up accidentally pregnant or TTC for very short amounts of time before they "succeed." I believe from my charting that I am ovulating regularly and I just started progesterone to lengthen my LP. We also live with my stepdaughter who is most likely my husbands child. He has had a urethral stricture develop and got it repaired back in February...?

You aren't dAoing anything wrong! Getting a BFP is all chance. You have a 20% chance every month, no matter what you do (so you can't increase your chances).

I'd say if you've been trying that long, it may be time to seek out a RE and look into getting tested (both you and your DH).

Thank you so much for your response, the support is greatly appreciated!!!

 

[everything]

I'm with you, 17 months, 22 cycles and way too many days to count and every single cycle I end up crying. I had one mc in June this year early, we wen't to see the RE and because of that mc it's like we started at zero and they wont do anything util it's been a year since that mc.
I'm had cycles that are planed to the point of making sure that it's never more than 24 hours between BD, cycles where we dtd every other day, laid back cycles, and even cycles with femara/letrozole. Every cycle has been ovulation tests, making sure we bd on the right days and we've even had O confirmed with ultrasound so we're not doing it during the wrong time.
Friends of our that started the same time we are just announced that they are pregnant for the second time.
Every cycle I end um crying my eyes out and I hate this so much.
People say that there is a 20% chance to conceive every cycle that means that using statistics I should at least be pregnant by now.
Every cycle I try to me optimistic and usually I manage to be cautiously optimistic before ovulation and then all hope just dies.
This past cycle I had what I though was IB or brown spotting 4 days before expected AF but I don't know what I was thinking of course AF showed up on time.
I've lost about 14 ponds and am in the heathy range, we cleaned up our diet, we take our vitamins and have tried preseed and all the other things that can get me pregnant but nothing works

 

[awnmyown]

Hi ladies. I know I'm not much help since I honestly have not been at this long enough to consider myself knowing anything. Other then I feel for you, and I don't think it's fair. And I guess, I cling to statistics to feel better sometimes, because they're hard data, and hard data is good sometimes.

I kinda like these stats better than the 20% stat:
https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/age_fertility_calculator.php

Because say you're 35. You'd think "Hey, 20% chance each cycle, it's been a year and a half. I should be pregnant. Everyone else would be."

But I guess that chart is a little more like, "Hey. It takes some people 24 cycles. Or 36 cycles. But for 93% of people, it happens. Hang in there".

And if it hasn't happened in that time, "Hey, you're part of that 7% that takes a little longer. You're not alone. For almost 10% of the population, it needs a little more time."

Not sure if that helps, but maybe??

 

[JayPi]

Hello ladies... I'm on cycle 23 and cannot describe how frustrating it is, but u all already know don't you?!
I had a very early miscarriage at 6w last October and since then nothing. Docs recently told me to wait another six months before they run any tests because we are still "young"... that's all very well but at 32 I'm not young to be trying for #1 and to be honest, age doesn't come in to it when u have a desperate need to become a mother!!!
Of course I'm at that age where all our friends either already have children or are expecting... and most of them weren't even trying... It just seems so unfair!
I've tried talking to a couple of friends but not having trouble getting pregnant they just don't get it... same with mum, she gets upset at the thought of me being upset so I try to not let it show too much...
So here I am on cd11 getting my opk's ready to start testing daily from tomorrow...
At least we all understand where we are all coming from huh?!

 

[awnmyown]

I like this article too!!
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2095906/Struggling-year-pregnant-You-try-says-study.html

Still plenty of hope!

 

[raine87]

I'm kinda in the same boat. We are on cycle #11. We had a miscarriage in February (just our second month trying) and have not had any luck since. I'm 28 and during my yearly check up my OBGYN decided to go ahead and do a simple ultrasound (they found a small possible fibroid but nothing else) and a sperm analysis on my husband (was told he "could not be more perfect"). We too have tried thought out cycles and laid back cycles. I feel like we were both super chill about the process until we had our miscarriage. I know our process hasn't been as long as yours but keep you chin up! Maybe the new year will bring new luck!!

 

[supergongjoo]

OMG i cannot identify with OP more. out of all the women in my life who are in long term relationships i am only 1 of 3 that is not pregnant or given birth recently. its UNBELIEVABLY painful and harder and harder to go to baby showers and be the happy supportive friend for every new baby announcement. We have been ttc for about 9 cycles and each cycle i end up a crying mess.

 

[Sasha92]

Hello Ladies,

I'm reading through all your posts and I hope you all get that positive test you are hoping for! I know it seems unfair that some people can just get pregnant but you just have to stay strong and keep going. xx

 

[2ducks]

You should definitely see a specialist after that many cycles of trying with no success. You said you need to wait until you have enough $ to see a specialist, I am assuming that means you don't have health insurance or you have bad health insurance. Remember you can use medical expenses as a tax deduction (if you live in the States) if you reach a certain amount. You can also open a health savings account and save money pre-tax for your medical expenses.Many times there are wait lists for reproductive specialists, you may want to at least make an apt even if it is a few months out and start saving for anticipated expenses. Also has your hubby had a semen analysis? There may be an issue there as well. There are loads of supplements he can start taking to help boost sperm quality, count and motility which may be helpful (Maca, vit b complex, zinc, multi, folic acid etc). I read it takes 3 months for sperm to mature from start to finish so if he starts taking supplements give him a good few months to see results. There are also OTC sperm tests that test count, not sure how reliable those are but that may be a place to start.

BTW I am SO sorry you are going through this! I have been waiting 6 months to get a period after coming off birth control and I finally just had my first cycle. I know what it is like to be waiting and waiting and have nothing happen, and you have been waiting for much longer than me! I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to reading about your BFP!

 

[mommy_atHEART]

2nd cycle ttc #1!

I have a 26 day cycle (for the last 3 months) I'm on cd20 - LMP 11/28/15 - Next AF should be 12/23/15 - OD was somewhere from cd14-cd18

Sometimes I wonder if I literally changed everything around like how everything tells me I should (to better increase chances of fertility) If it would even work? I guess everything is worth a shot though

You'll get your BFP! Believe it

 

[LilacPetal]

I'm with you, 17 months, 22 cycles and way too many days to count and every single cycle I end up crying. I had one mc in June this year early, we wen't to see the RE and because of that mc it's like we started at zero and they wont do anything util it's been a year since that mc.
I'm had cycles that are planed to the point of making sure that it's never more than 24 hours between BD, cycles where we dtd every other day, laid back cycles, and even cycles with femara/letrozole. Every cycle has been ovulation tests, making sure we bd on the right days and we've even had O confirmed with ultrasound so we're not doing it during the wrong time.
Friends of our that started the same time we are just announced that they are pregnant for the second time.
Every cycle I end um crying my eyes out and I hate this so much.
People say that there is a 20% chance to conceive every cycle that means that using statistics I should at least be pregnant by now.
Every cycle I try to me optimistic and usually I manage to be cautiously optimistic before ovulation and then all hope just dies.
This past cycle I had what I though was IB or brown spotting 4 days before expected AF but I don't know what I was thinking of course AF showed up on time.
I've lost about 14 ponds and am in the heathy range, we cleaned up our diet, we take our vitamins and have tried preseed and all the other things that can get me pregnant but nothing works

I'm so sorry for your struggles. I can't believe they would say you have to wait a year from your mc to get any help!!?! FX for you and you'll be in my thoughts. I can definitely relate to the "everyone around me is getting pregnant even multiple times before me" feelings of frustration

Hi ladies. I know I'm not much help since I honestly have not been at this long enough to consider myself knowing anything. Other then I feel for you, and I don't think it's fair. And I guess, I cling to statistics to feel better sometimes, because they're hard data, and hard data is good sometimes.

I kinda like these stats better than the 20% stat:
https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/age_fertility_calculator.php

Because say you're 35. You'd think "Hey, 20% chance each cycle, it's been a year and a half. I should be pregnant. Everyone else would be."

But I guess that chart is a little more like, "Hey. It takes some people 24 cycles. Or 36 cycles. But for 93% of people, it happens. Hang in there".

And if it hasn't happened in that time, "Hey, you're part of that 7% that takes a little longer. You're not alone. For almost 10% of the population, it needs a little more time."

Not sure if that helps, but maybe??

Thank you so much I can usually be comforted quite well by stats but I feel like ever since we passed that "one year mark" it's just all I can do not to panic and despair.

Hello ladies... I'm on cycle 23 and cannot describe how frustrating it is, but u all already know don't you?!
I had a very early miscarriage at 6w last October and since then nothing. Docs recently told me to wait another six months before they run any tests because we are still "young"... that's all very well but at 32 I'm not young to be trying for #1 and to be honest, age doesn't come in to it when u have a desperate need to become a mother!!!
Of course I'm at that age where all our friends either already have children or are expecting... and most of them weren't even trying... It just seems so unfair!
I've tried talking to a couple of friends but not having trouble getting pregnant they just don't get it... same with mum, she gets upset at the thought of me being upset so I try to not let it show too much...
So here I am on cd11 getting my opk's ready to start testing daily from tomorrow...
At least we all understand where we are all coming from huh?!

You're so right, it feels totally unfair :'( I really am terrified to talk to anyone seriously about my "fertility situation" because 1. I don't want to feel that exposed/vulnerable, and 2. because it feels "more real" and that I am finally having to admit I have kind of a huge problem that is very scary to me. I don't know if that makes sense? FX for you and lots of your way!!!

I'm kinda in the same boat. We are on cycle #11. We had a miscarriage in February (just our second month trying) and have not had any luck since. I'm 28 and during my yearly check up my OBGYN decided to go ahead and do a simple ultrasound (they found a small possible fibroid but nothing else) and a sperm analysis on my husband (was told he "could not be more perfect"). We too have tried thought out cycles and laid back cycles. I feel like we were both super chill about the process until we had our miscarriage. I know our process hasn't been as long as yours but keep you chin up! Maybe the new year will bring new luck!!

Thank you for the encouraging words! I hope for the best for you too!

OMG i cannot identify with OP more. out of all the women in my life who are in long term relationships i am only 1 of 3 that is not pregnant or given birth recently. its UNBELIEVABLY painful and harder and harder to go to baby showers and be the happy supportive friend for every new baby announcement. We have been ttc for about 9 cycles and each cycle i end up a crying mess.

Yes, tears are shed far too frequently! I wish it wasn't so hard to deal with the feelings towards others around us especially with regards to their fertility good fortune.

Hello Ladies,

I'm reading through all your posts and I hope you all get that positive test you are hoping for! I know it seems unfair that some people can just get pregnant but you just have to stay strong and keep going. xx

You are very sweet, thank you SO much for the words of encouragement

You should definitely see a specialist after that many cycles of trying with no success. You said you need to wait until you have enough $ to see a specialist, I am assuming that means you don't have health insurance or you have bad health insurance. Remember you can use medical expenses as a tax deduction (if you live in the States) if you reach a certain amount. You can also open a health savings account and save money pre-tax for your medical expenses.Many times there are wait lists for reproductive specialists, you may want to at least make an apt even if it is a few months out and start saving for anticipated expenses. Also has your hubby had a semen analysis? There may be an issue there as well. There are loads of supplements he can start taking to help boost sperm quality, count and motility which may be helpful (Maca, vit b complex, zinc, multi, folic acid etc). I read it takes 3 months for sperm to mature from start to finish so if he starts taking supplements give him a good few months to see results. There are also OTC sperm tests that test count, not sure how reliable those are but that may be a place to start.

BTW I am SO sorry you are going through this! I have been waiting 6 months to get a period after coming off birth control and I finally just had my first cycle. I know what it is like to be waiting and waiting and have nothing happen, and you have been waiting for much longer than me! I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to reading about your BFP!

Thank you! We actually just found out we'll be getting insurance starting in January! Unfortunately it is very expensive and so it will also be a huge added stress for us. They also haven't sent the information packet yet so I have no idea what sort of fertility coverage we will have if any. My DH has not had an SA yet, I will probably be trying to convince him to do that pretty soon here...he also HATES taking pills, I'm just barely convincing him to take a gummy multivitamin, a zinc, and a maca but I have to hand it to him everyday or he won't remember to take them and I'm not succeeding very often. I have my FX for you!!

I am so incredibly sorry and my heart aches for all of you with losses and struggles. I hope with all my heart that we all get our sticky BFPs very soon. Lots of and

~LilacPetal~

 

[LilacPetal]

Update for me - CD2 today on to Cycle #23 now I was feeling really good about cycle #22 because we managed to use the pre-seed consistantly and my temperatures were looking just great. Nope. Massive temperature drop yesterday AM, followed by cramps all day, medium brown/pink spotting in the evening, and full on AF this AM. I am really hoping come the new year we can start looking into finding what our problems are. I'm so tired of feeling down and dealing with AF all the time (24 day cycles - if I'm lucky), and of course all the squinting at BFNs. Hope everyone else is doing well!

~LilacPetal~

 

[supergongjoo]

@lilac i understand the not going to the dpc thing. Have you tried self diagnosing? i have tried it my last 2 cycles. I analyzed my luteal phase determined it was too short
(mine is 11 and the ideal is 12-13) so i started taked b6 vitamins. boom 12 day LP.
Its not a cure but i know for me it makes it feel like im working towards getting closer

 

[2ducks]

Thank you! We actually just found out we'll be getting insurance starting in January! Unfortunately it is very expensive and so it will also be a huge added stress for us. They also haven't sent the information packet yet so I have no idea what sort of fertility coverage we will have if any. My DH has not had an SA yet, I will probably be trying to convince him to do that pretty soon here...he also HATES taking pills, I'm just barely convincing him to take a gummy multivitamin, a zinc, and a maca but I have to hand it to him everyday or he won't remember to take them and I'm not succeeding very often. I have my FX for you!!

I am so incredibly sorry and my heart aches for all of you with losses and struggles. I hope with all my heart that we all get our sticky BFPs very soon. Lots of and

~LilacPetal~[/QUOTE]

Yay for health insurance! I hope it is a good policy, all health insurance has to cover a physical and pap smear at %100 as part of health care reform act so at least you will have that!

My partner NEVER remembers to take meds or vitamins. I bought a daily pill organizer at the dollar store and put my partner's vitamins in it AND set an alarm on his cell phone so he remembers to take them every day. Every Sunday I refill it! I am totally enabling his laziness, but its the only way to make this happen.

 

[supergongjoo]

Oh i slip it into DH coffee every morning. I put in some maca, open up vitamin capsules and stir it all in. i make him his morning cup before work so its the only way we can be sure he takes it all. ( he LOATHES pills)

 

[LilacPetal]

@lilac i understand the not going to the dpc thing. Have you tried self diagnosing? i have tried it my last 2 cycles. I analyzed my luteal phase determined it was too short
(mine is 11 and the ideal is 12-13) so i started taked b6 vitamins. boom 12 day LP.
Its not a cure but i know for me it makes it feel like im working towards getting closer

I have definitely tried self-diagnosing as well as I can. I have determined I also have a LP that is too short and I have gotten it to 11 days from 9 or less. I am taking a box-load of vitamins and supplements to hopefully balance my hormones and increase fertility including vitex, maca, vitamin C, vitamin D, prenatals, cod liver oil, red raspberry leaf, nettle leaf, zinc, and Ca++ Mag- combo. I'm also using progesterone cream which is lengthening my LP like I mentioned.

Yay for health insurance! I hope it is a good policy, all health insurance has to cover a physical and pap smear at %100 as part of health care reform act so at least you will have that!

My partner NEVER remembers to take meds or vitamins. I bought a daily pill organizer at the dollar store and put my partner's vitamins in it AND set an alarm on his cell phone so he remembers to take them every day. Every Sunday I refill it! I am totally enabling his laziness, but its the only way to make this happen.

Good idea! I think I will try this for sure. I asked my DH if he thought it would help him remember and he said yes but that it would be embarrassing for him at work Oh well, maybe he'll start remembering on his own then?

Oh i slip it into DH coffee every morning. I put in some maca, open up vitamin capsules and stir it all in. i make him his morning cup before work so its the only way we can be sure he takes it all. ( he LOATHES pills)

Hahaha! He would totally kick my butt if he found out I did something like this lol :-D

Thank you all again for all the support and encouragement!

~LilacPetal~

 

[2ducks]

@lilac i understand the not going to the dpc thing. Have you tried self diagnosing? i have tried it my last 2 cycles. I analyzed my luteal phase determined it was too short
(mine is 11 and the ideal is 12-13) so i started taked b6 vitamins. boom 12 day LP.
Its not a cure but i know for me it makes it feel like im working towards getting closer

I have definitely tried self-diagnosing as well as I can. I have determined I also have a LP that is too short and I have gotten it to 11 days from 9 or less. I am taking a box-load of vitamins and supplements to hopefully balance my hormones and increase fertility including vitex, maca, vitamin C, vitamin D, prenatals, cod liver oil, red raspberry leaf, nettle leaf, zinc, and Ca++ Mag- combo. I'm also using progesterone cream which is lengthening my LP like I mentioned.

Yay for health insurance! I hope it is a good policy, all health insurance has to cover a physical and pap smear at %100 as part of health care reform act so at least you will have that!

My partner NEVER remembers to take meds or vitamins. I bought a daily pill organizer at the dollar store and put my partner's vitamins in it AND set an alarm on his cell phone so he remembers to take them every day. Every Sunday I refill it! I am totally enabling his laziness, but its the only way to make this happen.

Good idea! I think I will try this for sure. I asked my DH if he thought it would help him remember and he said yes but that it would be embarrassing for him at work Oh well, maybe he'll start remembering on his own then?

Oh i slip it into DH coffee every morning. I put in some maca, open up vitamin capsules and stir it all in. i make him his morning cup before work so its the only way we can be sure he takes it all. ( he LOATHES pills)

Hahaha! He would totally kick my butt if he found out I did something like this lol :-D

Thank you all again for all the support and encouragement!

~LilacPetal~

I have read B6 strengthens LPs. Also, my man takes his pills in the AM before he leaves for work. I set the alarm on his phone to go off at 5:10am on weekdays and 8:30am on weekends.