Cystic Hygroma at 12 Weeks and Unsupportive Partner

[christineliza]

Hi everyone,

I know I am a little late to joining this thread, I am 30 years old (31 on Oct 20th) in my first unplanned pregnancy with my partner (unmarried, not engaged, had just been seeing one another about 5 months and I
was on the pill and didn't think I could even have children due to some other condition I have, so this truly was a shock, and to me
A little miracle baby) and I am now 12 weeks along. About a week ago, I found out my little one had a 6.4 cf measurement. A MFM picked it up because my rheumatologist who treats me for my other condition suggested I see one because I am high risk due to my autoimmune problem (which is currently in remission). I had a CVS done on Wednesday, which came back negative as of yesterday, and am waiting on the two week result. Everything else looks fine as of the last scan where they caught it. He is currently almost done with Med school (not obgyn or MFM), and thinks I should abort because "this baby could still very well be very sick and we haven't known each other that long", oh and even though he won't say it, I know it is partly due to the fact that he will be doing his residency next June and would be absent for a while and miss a bit of the beginning of the baby's life. Financially, if the baby is healthy or has no major problems, I have the means to care for it without any help from him, and to make things worse after I got this first round of positive news today, he started sending me some kind of Brazilian medical journal article that made the situation feel so grim that I barely slept last night. I have told him over and over that I am just not ready to let go YET, if I did find there was something horribly wrong, I most likely would terminate. But the pressure and stress alone from him is driving me mad. I keep telling him, I just need a little more time, and it's like I'm talking to a wall. Anyone who reads this, any words of encouragement would really help right now, I'm in tears as I write this. Thanks so much for listening, xoxo Christine

 

[grace14]

I have several autoimmune issues as well and have 3 perfectly healthy and wonderful little ones. It's obvious you really want this baby so don't be pressured in any way by the father, I think this miracle baby is a gift.

 

[hellojello25]

If you feel that you want this baby, then you go right ahead and keep it. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do just because this baby isn't "convenient" for him. Guess what bud? My boyfriend and I are having a baby and its REALLY inconvenient timing for us, but we are both over the moon about it. I am extremely pro-choice too, so if that's what you want to do, then you do it. But do it because you feel its the right thing to do, don't do it because HE wants you to. In my opinion, the fact that this guy is pressuring you to do this and won't back off even when you asked him to is a huge red flag. I would say keep the baby, dump the guy.

 

[christineliza]

I have several autoimmune issues as well and have 3 perfectly healthy and wonderful little ones. It's obvious you really want this baby so don't be pressured in any way by the father, I think this miracle baby is a gift.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was over the moon when I found out, and he has been nothing but negative and unsupportive. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to send me such a grim article from a medical journal to "remind me" that this baby still has a long way to go in terms of its health because of the rare condition. I was able to enjoy that phone call with the negative result for oh about two hours before receiving that text with the link from him. I am completely aware that I am in no means completely out of the woods, but that was just cruel. I don't need him, nor does my baby need the stress he is putting on the both of us. I have not asked him for one thing except to help me pack some boxes because I just had the CVS done and I am moving next weekend (alone, thank goodness and not with him), and he wouldn't even help with that. And to think when I originally found out two weeks ago, before knowing about the Cystic Hygroma, that I actually wanted this man in mine and my unborn child's life.

 

[christineliza]

I have several autoimmune issues as well and have 3 perfectly healthy and wonderful little ones. It's obvious you really want this baby so don't be pressured in any way by the father, I think this miracle baby is a gift.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was over the moon when I found out, and he has been nothing but negative and unsupportive. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to send me such a grim article from a medical journal to "remind me" that this baby still has a long way to go in terms of its health because of the rare condition. I was able to enjoy that phone call with the negative result for oh about two hours before receiving that text with the link from him. I am completely aware that I am in no means completely out of the woods, but that was just cruel. I don't need him, nor does my baby need the stress he is putting on the both of us. I have not asked him for one thing except to help me pack some boxes because I just had the CVS done and I am moving next weekend (alone, thank goodness and not with him), and he wouldn't even help with that. And to think when I originally found out two weeks ago, before knowing about the Cystic Hygroma, that I actually wanted this man in mine and my unborn child's life. And I know in my heart, that it would
be wrong on every level and I would never be able
to forgive myself if I were to terminate this pregnancy when I do not know what is wrong with my little one and after crossing the first hurdle where I had a 50/50 chance.

 

[christineliza]

If you feel that you want this baby, then you go right ahead and keep it. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do just because this baby isn't "convenient" for him. Guess what bud? My boyfriend and I are having a baby and its REALLY inconvenient timing for us, but we are both over the moon about it. I am extremely pro-choice too, so if that's what you want to do, then you do it. But do it because you feel its the right thing to do, don't do it because HE wants you to. In my opinion, the fact that this guy is pressuring you to do this and won't back off even when you asked him to is a huge red flag. I would say keep the baby, dump the guy.

I have several autoimmune issues as well and have 3 perfectly healthy and wonderful little ones. It's obvious you really want this baby so don't be pressured in any way by the father, I think this miracle baby is a gift.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was over the moon when I found out, and he has been nothing but negative and unsupportive. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to send me such a grim article from a medical journal to "remind me" that this baby still has a long way to go in terms of its health because of the rare condition. I was able to enjoy that phone call with the negative result for oh about two hours before receiving that text with the link from him. I am completely aware that I am in no means completely out of the woods, but that was just cruel. I don't need him, nor does my baby need the stress he is putting on the both of us. I have not asked him for one thing except to help me pack some boxes because I just had the CVS done and I am moving next weekend (alone, thank goodness and not with him), and he wouldn't even help with that. And to think when I originally found out two weeks ago, before knowing about the Cystic Hygroma, that I actually wanted this man in mine and my unborn child's life.

 

[christineliza]

If you feel that you want this baby, then you go right ahead and keep it. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do just because this baby isn't "convenient" for him. Guess what bud? My boyfriend and I are having a baby and its REALLY inconvenient timing for us, but we are both over the moon about it. I am extremely pro-choice too, so if that's what you want to do, then you do it. But do it because you feel its the right thing to do, don't do it because HE wants you to. In my opinion, the fact that this guy is pressuring you to do this and won't back off even when you asked him to is a huge red flag. I would say keep the baby, dump the guy.

So we don't live together, and he has said some of the nastiest low things since then. We are actually split for now, and he keeps saying that I don't care about my baby, I'm just doing this to SPITE him. The nerve. This is what he said this morning to me... "Ok Christine. Like I said do whatever you want you want. I can predict your actions and this proves that I don't have any bearing on this situation. No matter what the case I'll always be at sideline at best ... And for some Misguided reasons you think blogging will increase your chances. These are all signs of irrational behavior. Everything is riding on you. All of our futures depends on your ability to make well-informed and rational choices. So Christine ... Make a bet and throw the dice. " I NEVER said I thought blogging would increase my chances. I called him a selfish prick and for right now that is the only comfort I have while I wait. Can you believe he said that?

 

[hellojello25]

If you feel that you want this baby, then you go right ahead and keep it. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do just because this baby isn't "convenient" for him. Guess what bud? My boyfriend and I are having a baby and its REALLY inconvenient timing for us, but we are both over the moon about it. I am extremely pro-choice too, so if that's what you want to do, then you do it. But do it because you feel its the right thing to do, don't do it because HE wants you to. In my opinion, the fact that this guy is pressuring you to do this and won't back off even when you asked him to is a huge red flag. I would say keep the baby, dump the guy.

So we don't live together, and he has said some of the nastiest low things since then. We are actually split for now, and he keeps saying that I don't care about my baby, I'm just doing this to SPITE him. The nerve. This is what he said this morning to me... "Ok Christine. Like I said do whatever you want you want. I can predict your actions and this proves that I don't have any bearing on this situation. No matter what the case I'll always be at sideline at best ... And for some Misguided reasons you think blogging will increase your chances. These are all signs of irrational behavior. Everything is riding on you. All of our futures depends on your ability to make well-informed and rational choices. So Christine ... Make a bet and throw the dice. " I NEVER said I thought blogging would increase my chances. I called him a selfish prick and for right now that is the only comfort I have while I wait. Can you believe he said that?

Honestly, this guy is bad news. I mean, not in the drug addict kind of way, but in the way that he's putting you down and making you doubt yourself, which is a big red flag for verbal abuse. It sounds like you want to keep the baby, so I think you should. And I think you should stay positive. Many people have had healthy babies despite their health problems.

What I would do: If you are broken up, tell him that you've made up your mind and he can be a part of this or not, but you're not going to put up with any negativity. If he doesn't want to be a part of it, let him go because he's not a good guy. But definitely make him pay child support, since it takes two to make a baby and you shouldn't have to shoulder everything. If he wants to be involved, let him, but definitely don't let this guy drag you down. He's being extremely selfish and completely unsupportive and honestly, you don't need that in your life. He's showing his true colors and you have to ask yourself if you want to still be putting up with his garbage 10 years from now, or if you want to find someone who will support you and make you happy.