Daddy not happy...

[Mahoghani]

Has anyone else had less than stellar reactions from your baby's father? My husband's reaction when I told him was "okay then." He was tired at the time. I get home early in the AM and couldn't wait to tell him so I woke him up. I thought he would be more excited later but if anything he seems less responsive. Whenever I mention something about being pregnant, a symptom or something about finding an OB he either doesn't answer or gives me this unreadable look that seems most like sarcasym. Since we aren't telling many people it's really making me sad and lonely. I want to talk to him and get excited with him and tell him when I'm worried but it just seems to make him grumpy...

I think I sort of bullied him into starting to try again... He kept saying no and I think I kept getting more and more irrational and angry at him. I'm going to be 30 in September and he didn't understand why that was a cut off point for me. We lost our son due to a chromosomal abnormality the chances of which increase with age... I can't go through that again. I don't think he understands that even now but eventually he gave in and told me that if it was that important to me that we'd start. Now I feel guilty for pushing him but I'm pregnant already... I can't take it back. And I wouldn't if I could. I just want him to be happy with me.

 

[XxCalxX]

My partner isn't excited at all, but I had a mc in May this year so I think he is just stressing and worried that we will lose this one too,and then he's worrying about financial side of things aswell because we don't have a huge income really.. I get what you mean about feeling lonely,we aren't planning on telling anyone for a while either (unless I get a big noticeable bump early lol) it is hard when you feel you are going It alone for a while, but I'm sure your partner will come round,especially after your scans,who doesn't get excited at seeing a little baby wriggling about on a scan?!

 

[Mahoghani]

Mine is also worrying financially I think. We just bought a house, a big step for us, and are still seeing how things are shaking out. I'm excited because that means I have a baby room to decorate instead of a corner of my room like I had with my first child. We're in such a better place to have a baby than we were with my first 9 years ago but he just sees the struggle. I actually asked him when we were talking about trying again if we're so financially pinched then why were we trying to get pregnant with Silver in the first place?

...He was so excited when we found out we were pregnant with Silver. So pleased. I guess I thought he'd be happy as soon as he heard about this pregnancy but he isn't. Just grumpy.

 

[XxCalxX]

Yeah when I was pregnant with our son my OH was really excited too. I guess us women have more of a bond right from the start as we are the ones carrying the baby,and for our partners the bond grows later on,when they see the scans,and feel the baby kicking through our stomachs! Maybe getting him to help with ideas for the babys room will help,and discuss things like baby names

 

[rickster1471]

hello im new to this and my partner on this she is now pregnant again i am happy but also scared as we miscarried out last one after i got all excited and told people just to lose it killed me and i have a 4 year old daughter with my ex who stopped me seeing her the first year of her life also all threw the pregnancy.
basic what happen was i was with y ex a year then out the blue she left me without saying anything i tried to contact her ask why and everything then. 6 months down the line she told me she got pregnant with my child but she was with someone else and i said i wanna be there at scans and everything but she didn't let me i got jumped trying so hard. got put in hospital trying to find her to ask her to her face why she doing it as wasn't fair. then she was even that bad. her mum rang me saying she gone into labour can i get down there asap so i rode like 15 miles on a bmx to hospital to get there ask the hospital here to Becky and they told me she was born a week before i went ape shit as you can imagen. and then another year went by me trying to see my daughter when she born got jump and threatened to be killed if i go near my daughter i still tried then a week before my daughter first birthday when i first saw my daughter thanks to my mate and my mates ex was best friends with my ex at the time and convince her. but i missed out on all pregnancy bring like birth,first word, first tooth, etc which kills me so when my partner got pregnant and then lost it i felt like got taken from me again. so i hope this time all goes well. some of you may know my partner as you talk to her names on here shabutie. im sorry if i bore you but some people like me go threw all that tries to be excited thanks for reading

 

[Mahoghani]

Rickster, that's terrible how your ex treated you. I hope you get to meet and be in your daughter's life at some point. And congrats on the baby coming in March. It's great to hear from an excited Daddy on here. BnB is definitely more mommies than daddies.

 

[jessandaj]

Is it possible he is worried about something happening again ? I know when I find out were expecting again my husband will Probally be like I'm excited but don't get too attached, give it time, lets have our first ultrasound before we get to excited. I would try an talk to him about it more an what really wrong

 

[bobster]

My OH responded in a similar way to yours. I remember I tested at about 9dpo so we found out early, and on the day of 14dpo he was in such a funny mood it really made me feel alone and isolated, like he wasn't happy or excited.

It turned out as the pregnancy progressed and after the 7 week scan (we paid private) he started to relax about it and become excited. In fact more and more excited as my bump has grown. I think men deal with things differently to us and tend to bottle things up when they are scared/anxious of things going wrong. Its almost a defense mechanism to stay unexcited.

Try not to push him too much and just let him come round. I'm sure in time as things progress he'll become more excited and talk about it more but sometimes they just need to get there in their own time.

Congratulations by the way

 

[hope4rainbow]

I woke my dh up in the middle of the night to tell him too. He was groggy and as we'd had two losses before, he mustered a mildly pleased response (that I don't even quite remember). He was resistant to talking about/planning for things until our u/s yesterday. He really needed to see that things were okay. He had such a hard time with our first loss that I don't think he's let himself get excited again until now. They try so hard to be strong for us that sometimes it seems they're not with us in the emotions, but I'm starting to think they are, they just feel like they can't show it as freely as we do.

 

[Mahoghani]

I wish it was worry... It doesn't feel like that though. Could be I guess, since he won't talk to me it could be just about anything. It feels more like it's not important to him though. At first I gave him a few days, asked how he was feeling now. No response so I gave him a few more days etc. Finally I asked where he was with it and he said he hadn't really thought about it...

I feel like we've been ignoring each other for the past two weeks. It hurts to be so casually brushed off by him so I've stopped trying to talk to him. I don't know if he's fine with that or just avoiding confrontation but either way he hasn't tried to talk to me either.

When we lost Silver we banded together, got closer. As a couple and as a family we grew closer and stronger. Now... I don't know. I thought this would be that way too but it isn't.

 

[bobster]

Have you two been ok together before your bfp? I think you're doing the right thing by not asking him if he's ok anymore. I'm sure he will come to you when he's ready to tell you whats been going on in his head. Sometimes the more we ask and try to make the situation better the more it pushes them away. My man is similar sometimes but he always comes round in the end and tells me whats been bothering him- just never when I actually ask! It is an awful feeling when you feel pushed out but I'm sure it will be ok.

If he was excited about silver i'm sure he has it in him to be excited again. Sometimes its not real for men until they have something to see (i.e. a scan or someone else like a dr saying it or a physical bump/kicking feelings). My man didn't get excited like I was until all of these things, especially the bump/kicking as now he feels connected to it more. I think it was because he thought it might go wrong again.

Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out soon so you can start to enjoy your pregnancy together.

 

[KerryGold]

My hubby basically ignored this pregnancy until he saw the scan at 7 weeks. Then it was all he could do to stop from bursting into tears. He told me he had just been protecting himself and it wasn't til the scan he realised he was going to be a daddy again.

PAL is so hard...

xXx

 

[Mahoghani]

Well, my first appointment is on Tuesday and I am hoping I'll get an early scan then. I think we're going to try to leave my son with a sitter because he can't go to the appointment so... maybe after he sees (hopefully) heart beat he'll be more apt to talk to me and tell me what's going on.

Here's hoping.