gigglezk
Mom to 3 boys
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2007
- Messages
- 14
- Reaction score
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Two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I was a little surprised, but more caught off guard. DH and I had talked about another child a few weeks earlier and since we are doing natural family planning, we knew it was a possibility. But nonetheless, I was still a little surprised. When I first realized about the pregnancy I felt a little numb. I guess you could say I felt indifferent. I wasn't unhappy or upset. But I couldn't really say I was overly excited either. It was just kind of "oh". After I told DH later that night, I started getting really excited. We talked about names (Eric William or Denise Delouise <---(Delouise is my favorite aunt's name)). DH was out of town and the next day I got flowers from him with a beautiful card. To be honest, I never saw myself having more than 2 kids, but a 3rd child wasn't out of the question.
So since I have a condition that requires me to take meds, I made an appt. with my ob-gyn for this week. On Monday, I went into the doc's office and the pregnancy test there was negative. I was confused and shocked because I had taken 2 at home tests and they were both positive. So the doctor ordered some blood work. I had my blood taken on both Monday and Wednesday. I knew in my heart I was pregnant. I had all the symptoms. I only wish I had realized I was pregnant sooner. So Wednesday, I started spotting. I had told the ob-gyn on Monday that I had been cramping. She said it was normal. I had minor cramping with my first 2 so I wasn't too worried. But then Monday and Tuesday, I didn't "feel" pregnant. The symptoms I had last week were gone. I told the nurse on Wednesday and she told me it was probably my period. I really felt like they didn't believe I was pregnant. So when I started spotting on Wednesday, I starting thinking maybe I was wrong, maybe it was my period after all. But I still cried my heart out because I knew I was having a miscarriage, but I was hoping I was wrong. On Thursday the doc's office calls and tells me they need me to come in for more lab work and a pelvic ultrasound to make sure I was having a normal pregnancy. When I asked about the blood pregnancy test, they told me that was something only the doc could discuss with me. Which made me mad because she had just told me they wanted to check to make sure this pregnancy was normal. I went in yesterday and all the time I'm waiting in the office I'm bleeding. I told the nurse several times, but I still had to wait. By the time my ultrasound was done, I was bleeding badly. Then I was told to wait. No one would tell me anything. Finally I see the doc and she tells me in the most chipper voice that I was having a miscarriage but they wanted to be sure so I needed to give more blood.
Here I am with my heart breaking and she is telling me my baby is dying. I asked her if there was anything that could be done and she gave me a simple no and went on to tell me about some shot I might need in my butt. Then she did a pelvic exam that hurt like hell. I cried the entire time and Ms. Sympathetic said nothing. She gave me my lab work papers and then left me in the room alone. I'm so upset. It hurts so much. I don't know how to deal with this. I keep trying to move forward for the sake of my living children, but its hard. DH is home and he's upset as well. But somehow, I don't think he just quite gets it. I'm sorry if this is graphic, but I hate going to the bathroom because I see my child leaving. Its hard. Eventually, I know it'll get better, but now it just hurts so much.
Friday I had to give more blood for another test and the lab tech wished me a happy pregnancy and holidays. All I could do was smile, but when I got to my car I broke down. Then the doc's office called later that day to confirm for the 3rd time that I had miscarried. I don't understand the point of that. I was feeling a little better before she called and told me that. Hello!!!! I already know that. I see my child is dead every time I go the bathroom.
I'm just so hurt. I don't know how to deal with this. It hasn't even been a week since I lost my baby and I feel like everyone around me acts like I just need to get over it. I'm tired of people telling me I need to focus on my kids that I have now. WHAT ABOUT MY BABY!!! Am I just supposed to forget she existed? I can't. I won't!! I am just so lonely. My husband tries, but I just don't think he understands. Our baby was seven weeks. She had a heartbeat. How can I just forget her? I don't understand why people act like I am supposed to forget her.
I cry everyday. It's hard because I have to hide from my boys because I don't want them to see me upset. How can I explain this? They wouldn't understand they are too young. And it's really no reason to explain it to them since it would only make them upset. I just don't know what to do. I've been sleeping with the onesie I made for her. I just can't deal with this.
So since I have a condition that requires me to take meds, I made an appt. with my ob-gyn for this week. On Monday, I went into the doc's office and the pregnancy test there was negative. I was confused and shocked because I had taken 2 at home tests and they were both positive. So the doctor ordered some blood work. I had my blood taken on both Monday and Wednesday. I knew in my heart I was pregnant. I had all the symptoms. I only wish I had realized I was pregnant sooner. So Wednesday, I started spotting. I had told the ob-gyn on Monday that I had been cramping. She said it was normal. I had minor cramping with my first 2 so I wasn't too worried. But then Monday and Tuesday, I didn't "feel" pregnant. The symptoms I had last week were gone. I told the nurse on Wednesday and she told me it was probably my period. I really felt like they didn't believe I was pregnant. So when I started spotting on Wednesday, I starting thinking maybe I was wrong, maybe it was my period after all. But I still cried my heart out because I knew I was having a miscarriage, but I was hoping I was wrong. On Thursday the doc's office calls and tells me they need me to come in for more lab work and a pelvic ultrasound to make sure I was having a normal pregnancy. When I asked about the blood pregnancy test, they told me that was something only the doc could discuss with me. Which made me mad because she had just told me they wanted to check to make sure this pregnancy was normal. I went in yesterday and all the time I'm waiting in the office I'm bleeding. I told the nurse several times, but I still had to wait. By the time my ultrasound was done, I was bleeding badly. Then I was told to wait. No one would tell me anything. Finally I see the doc and she tells me in the most chipper voice that I was having a miscarriage but they wanted to be sure so I needed to give more blood.
Here I am with my heart breaking and she is telling me my baby is dying. I asked her if there was anything that could be done and she gave me a simple no and went on to tell me about some shot I might need in my butt. Then she did a pelvic exam that hurt like hell. I cried the entire time and Ms. Sympathetic said nothing. She gave me my lab work papers and then left me in the room alone. I'm so upset. It hurts so much. I don't know how to deal with this. I keep trying to move forward for the sake of my living children, but its hard. DH is home and he's upset as well. But somehow, I don't think he just quite gets it. I'm sorry if this is graphic, but I hate going to the bathroom because I see my child leaving. Its hard. Eventually, I know it'll get better, but now it just hurts so much.
Friday I had to give more blood for another test and the lab tech wished me a happy pregnancy and holidays. All I could do was smile, but when I got to my car I broke down. Then the doc's office called later that day to confirm for the 3rd time that I had miscarried. I don't understand the point of that. I was feeling a little better before she called and told me that. Hello!!!! I already know that. I see my child is dead every time I go the bathroom.
I'm just so hurt. I don't know how to deal with this. It hasn't even been a week since I lost my baby and I feel like everyone around me acts like I just need to get over it. I'm tired of people telling me I need to focus on my kids that I have now. WHAT ABOUT MY BABY!!! Am I just supposed to forget she existed? I can't. I won't!! I am just so lonely. My husband tries, but I just don't think he understands. Our baby was seven weeks. She had a heartbeat. How can I just forget her? I don't understand why people act like I am supposed to forget her.
I cry everyday. It's hard because I have to hide from my boys because I don't want them to see me upset. How can I explain this? They wouldn't understand they are too young. And it's really no reason to explain it to them since it would only make them upset. I just don't know what to do. I've been sleeping with the onesie I made for her. I just can't deal with this.