dealing with Infertility.

[MissCassie]

Hi ladies :wave:

I have been struggling with Infertility for about 3.5 years all together and will be hopefully starting ivf in either April or may. I am just wondering how do you ladies deal with Infertility?

I have my ups and downs Some days I am really good don't even think about it , and other days it puts me in a deep depression just wanting to cry all day and just get terribly miserable its all I think about and nothing can make me feel better.

I am thinking about going and seeing a psychologist about it any thoughts?

 

[dontworry]

I totally suggest seeing someone about it.
Being Infertile & diagnosed with Endometriosis put me into a deep depression. I was put on antidepressants and they helped a LOT for some time.
Some days are better than others, and right now because of relationship stress due to a mental illness, I'm not thinking about it as often. But before, I was crying all of the time. My friends have no trouble getting knocked up, and I attend most of their births where they are screaming in pain and telling me I should never want kids as birth is so painful, blah blah. But they don't know my heart, my feelings.
Right now my OH and I share a relationship/marriage therapist, and she has been a great help in letting me talk it out.

I hope you find someone to help!

 

[spiritbear]

Hi there. I'm so sorry hear what you're going through. Trust me, I can completely relate. This is SO hard.

I totally agree that finding a good counselor can really help. I've been doing the same and it's been such a help.

I've been doing everything I can to try to keep myself productive and going strong with all this, but some good advice I received recently was to let yourself be sad- this is painful. So I've been trying to do that and not try to cover up my feelings so much, if that makes sense. I've also found a lot of comfort in allowing myself to really take care of myself and do pampering things like lots of candle lit epsom salt baths, meditation cds, long walks outside, taking full advantage of my insurance and going to massage and acupuncture, saying no to extra commitments so I don't get extra stressed etc.

Also, I loved the book Fully Fertile by Tammi Quinn because it had a really positive outlook to it- that helped me for a few months

Best of luck to you, I hope you can find the support you need

 

[wantingbubba7]

Hi MissCassie,
I'm in a similar situation to yourself, just had my third IUI and waiting to see if that worked or not... but if not we will be starting IVF (ICSI) as well in a couple of months so just after yourself.
I completely understand how you feel, today was one of my down days, woke up crying then slept for 3 hours this afternoon. Feeling much better now after a chat to my husband and my mum. My new fear is what if IVF doesn't work. So its a never ending stress isnt it.
I was wondering myself about seeing someone to help us get through as we are really struggling. Interested in what you decide.
I'm in Australia myself
Baby Dust to you

 

[MrsL4]

I haven't posted many times on this site, but I read it quite often.

My husband (will be 29 in June) and I (just turned 29) are TTC #1 .... on cycle 18 now. Starting our third medicated and monitored IUI this month. Workup thus far (labs, HSG, SA) have been completely normal, and I respond very well to medication. We are unexplained.

Honestly, infertility will probably be one of the hardest things any of us will deal with. I am sure many of us took pregnancy and having children for granted....something we thought would happen rather easily (especially if you are in the unexplained category). It will take you to places you never wished you traveled too.....

I can only share my experience, but "dealing with infertility" is something that changes every month with me, and I have found that my coping skills and perspective change.

Once I realized we were starting to have a problem (like....after a year of trying), I confided to a very few and select people. Just to say we are trying and we don't know why it isn't happening, and we are going to see a doctor.

Then after labs and tests.....and once treatments started.....we told just a handful of others.

Just having a few people know was a huge relief.....if I felt sad and just wanted to hole up and watch a movie, I didn't have to explain myself. I didn't have to pretend that everything was okay.

Once we started IUI, "dealing with infertility" became a much bigger deal, as we were having failures with no known cause. The first failure was awful....I was not being realistic and had my hopes up way to high. To be honest, I really hit a breaking point there, I just was SO upset. I think I cried for a week! I was withdrawing from things I love (didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to hang out with friends or family, didn't want to do any hobbies I love). At that point, even though it was only a week, I could see that infertility can really break you and you can't let it control your life.

I started journaling (which was very therapeutic for me....probably like messaging on this board)....just listing my fears and hopes and desires and thoughts. I stopped putting my life on hold because I was waiting to be pregnant. I started focusing on God more, and looking to him for answers. Every time I worry, I try to take that worry and turn it into a prayer.
Whether you are Christian or another faith, or spiritual....I think this has helped me the most. Leaning on your faith and growing within it....giving up your worries to something bigger than you.

As I did that, my heart has opened and softened to adoption (something I never thought I would do).

We will still try one IVF cycle, and maybe one frozen cycle if we are lucky (we are paying out of pocket).....but after that, I can say with a clear heart that we tried as much as we could......and perhaps God had plans for our first child to be through adoption.

For me, that has offered a lot of peace. I know in my heart, that we were meant to be parents. I do not know how we will get there.....just as there are many road blocks for infertility treatments....there are just as many for adoption....but I am faithful and leaning on something bigger than me.

It is amazing how you plan this life for yourself and your spouse....but in reality, none of us know what will happen. Lean into your spouse, grow in your love, hold on tight, and pray that God will guide you.

 

[Cowgirl07]

I'm so sorry your going through this, we are planning to do icsi this fall. After being diagnosed unexplained. The past 26 months have been the hardest period of my life. I find talking to someone helps, I have a couple go to friends as well. I can't keep it a secret anymore.

 

[bunyhuny]

I'm so sorry you're also going through infertility. It's hard at best and downright earthshaking at its worst.

I'm not in a great place right now myself (FET meds will do that to a girl, and I'm on a slew of them right now), but I can say that acupuncture has been my saving grace the last few months. My acupuncturist is an amazing woman who works with many LTTTC'ers. It's like going to therapy and getting acupuncture all at once. Honestly, I sometimes schedule appointments to just go in and talk with her on days that I'm not to be poked by the needles. Acupuncture also increases IVF success rates, so yeah, it's pretty awesome. I got my first (and only) natural BFP with my DH after my first month of acupuncture. (It was a chemical, but still.)

I also go to therapy, and I highly recommend it. You have to have a place that you can let your feelings out and learn coping skills. Yoga, too. Exercise helps keep your endorphin levels up and staves off the depression.