Dealing With Other Parents

[SilasLove]

Warning: Rant

Today we went to a lovely birthday party at the park. It was a beautiful, cool day & the children were excited. But there is always that one child ...

Now, I am never saying that this "one child" has never been my child. Of course, I am sure to some degree it has been. BUT how a parent handles these situations is what I am talking about.

If one of my children is being mean, disrespectful etc. to another child or adult I ALWAYS go out of my way to make them apologize. This is very important to me. They have to learn that the way they treat others has consequences.

Now, today there is this little boy in a white shirt that seems just a bit rambunctious - typical kid things. (Throwing rocks on slides and merry go round etc. all over the place) We had a lunch at this party so after eating and before cake & presents I allowed my children to go back out and play with the other children. First a friend's little boy comes up crying, saying the kid in the white shirt was fighting him and did not say he was sorry. I look out and realize that my son is lying on the ground and the boy in the white shirt is standing above him, pointing a finger around in his face. Now, my son is fine. But I obviously head over to get my children - almost cake and present time anyway.

As I am waiting for my daughter to come I ask my son, "Was anyone being mean to you?" He tells me that yes, and points the same white shirt boy "He was being really mean mommy! He pushed me down!" Of course the boy's mother overhears and decides to come up to me.

"Now my son is telling stories about your boy, and your boy is telling stories about mine. Boys are boys. All is fair in boyhood." WTF?!

I politely smiled and walked away with my children. But inside?!

ALL IS NOT FAIR IN BOYHOOD! Absolutely not! We as parents need to hold our children accountable for their behavior. If two separate children were accusing my son of being mean and physical I would NEVER approach those parents and say something like this! NO, my son would be apologizing for his behavior and would be on definite punishment for the rest of the time at the park and when we arrived back home. I am a firm believer in if you can't play nice, you shouldn't play at all.

At what point does a parent decide to disregard their child's behavior? If both children are being mean then they both need to apologize and then as further punishment would obviously be up to their parent. Had she approached me in this manner - such as saying that her son said my "boy" did specific things, I would have made my son apologize and followed through with the punishment. But the way she approached me and then what came out of her mouth!

Am I alone here?

As a follow up, I did ask my son after sitting down amongst the party if he was being mean to the other boy and he told me no, he didn't do anything to him. Regardless I made an effort (if he he wasn't being truthful) and told him that in the future if someone is being mean/physical with him to just walk away and come tell me. Do not be mean/physical back because then you will just get in trouble as well.

I was just so frustrated with this entire situation, and I had to let it out somehow. I just do not understand the reasoning behind it at all.

Now I wonder if my son was instigating this at all, I would like for him to have gotten in trouble. You cannot teach a lesson without knowing what it is about. I did my best with what I had and hope that in the future my son will react appropriately.

Thanks for reading.

 

[alibaba24]

I am the same I always watch my daughter and If I see her being rude or horrible to kids I will pull her to the side for a warning ie "if you do that again you will go home" if she keeps up being naughty she will go home and that is it. most of the time she takes a warning. also I want other parents to see I am watching the kids and that I wont have them being horrible to each other however I do get massively frustrated at mums who just sit back and do nothing because they are too uncomfortable to step in or they just arent bothered. particularly when its clear its not just my child at fault

 

[Boomerslady]

I have to say Ben is one of 'those' children. If he had his way he's throw rocks and climb the slide and generally want his own way constantly. Which is why I constantly have to hover in park/party situations. Thankfully since he started school he's settled a lot but he has his moments! However as you say I always step in and make sure he apologised if he's done wrong. I'd never dare go up to the child's mum and say that!!

There's a boy in his class who also went to his nursery, who has exactly the same mentality as Ben. However his parents never say a thing and he's now known as 'that child' when it comes to parties etc it's so frustrating especially as his mum constantly compares the 2 boys etc, and when they're together they wind each other up and the other boy can get nasty but the mum says nothing, I try to avoid seeing them now but it's hard!!

 

[Cattia]

Yep, G is a bit like this too he's quite likely to be the one misbehaving! He isn't spiteful and actually he normally makes friends with other kids when we go out, but he gets over enthusiastic and can play too rough. I also make sure I watch him and if I see him hurting someone else or doing something he shouldn't I always make him say sorry. If another child does something like this to one of mine and the parents are not around I tell them off myself. I can't help myself, it's the teacher in me!

 

[RachA]

I think my two have been that child at some point or another but as others have said I will always intervene if I can and sort things out.
I do have issues with DD as her understanding is lacking and sometimes it'll seem as if I don't care but in reality i can only explain so much to her.

I did have a situation in the park the other week and I didn't really know what to do.
I had my two children plus my sons friend with me. I don't know the other boy that well but he's always come across as nice and his parents are nice too. He'd been at mine for about 3 hours and had been really really good.
I was at the swings with them all and tees other boys come over and started saying things like 'why did you bite me/my brother' 'tell us why you did it' etc.
my son and his friend ignored the boys. At one point I heard the bits mum shout over something like 'stop just standing there staring, you're being just as bad as them'.
I didn't actually know what to do as I really didn't know my sobs friend well enough to question and tell him off if needs be. We ended up leaving and his dad picked him up not long after.
I spoke to my son about it and he said that he didn't have a clue what the bits were going on about and his friend hadn't bitten this other boy. They'd been together the whole time and my son isn't one to lie about something like this.