Death conversation help!!

[whatwillbex]

So my dd asked me the dreaded question will she die. I was so unprepared and it’s such a sad topic to discuss. She keeps saying she doesn’t want to die. We have never talked much about heaven and it’s quite hard to explain.

She always such a happy soul and never really gets upset about much. This is the first time I’ve seen her concerned. I’ve reassured her as much as I can but wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom they can offer? X

 

[sevenofnine]

I don’t have much advice, but it must be an age thing. My DD is very happy and easy-going but lately has been making comments about death. She doesn’t like talking about when we turn a new age- anything like that. She’ll randomly come and give me a hug and say “I never want you to die!”

It must be such a difficult topic for a 5-year-old to comprehend and deal with! (Especially considering it still is even as an adult.)

When she was sick with a cold/flu for a week last month she asked me if she was going to die and it broke my heart! (She wasn’t even feeling THAT bad- she’s just scared of death.)

Right now we just do everything we can to not make it a big deal, and answer her without missing a beat because I think seeming worried or distraught over the questions makes her more anxious.

We teach her about what happens when you die based off our beliefs, and try to make it as nonchalant as possible, while acknowledging her fears. Sorry I don’t have any sage advice!

 

[Babybump87]

These types of conversations always make me feel anxious never mind a five year old lol

DD1 has mentioned dying just in general and heaven as they were discussing it in school (why I am not sure as they are only 4/5). I just explained to her about heaven and when we are sick or old we go and see Jesus . I kept it simple basically to avoid any more questions . I think it was all the information she needed at the time as my grandad passed away a few months later and I was upset and she told me He’s with Jesus .

I would just reassure her the best you can. Like Seven said it must be so difficult for them as we are all they have really and it must be frighting the thought of you not being with them .

You know your child and how much detail to go into before it becomes too much . I know this topic will come up again with DD1.

Hope she is more as ease soon ! x

 

[AmyKai]

I remember having this stage when I was young. It went on for a while for me but I grew up as an overthinker and I think I was the same as a child.

When DD has asked and mentioned death I make sure to reinforce to her that yes, everyone dies, but it will be a LONG LONG time before she has to really worry about dying herself. I don't want to lie and say it won't happen - just that it's a long long time away. Which doesn't always help, so if she does get really upset about it (which has happened once) we just distract her with something else.
I can get upset about death if I think about it too much. distraction works for myself and her.

 

[CaptainMummy]

both my dd1 and dd2 have mentioned it a few times. I always say 'well everyone dies but we don't even need to worry about that for a long long time' and make it sound a bit light hearted and that it's silly to even worry about it. They have never gotten themselves worried ot anything about it. Like above, I keep it short, and then move on to something else.

My mums dog died recently (that she got before dd1 was born) so when he passed, dd2 asked alot of things. I am not religious but I told her that he was ill and he died
But it's okay because be went to heaven, in the sky, and now he isn't sore and sick anymore.

 

[biglebowski]

We lost my FIL and lo's great grandad a few months later so lo has been impacted by death. We kept it very matter of fact that their bodies had stopped working well as they were older and unwell. We explained that they were "in the clouds", always loved him and were able to watch over him.
Im not religious so dont talk about heaven. We made a photo book of FIL and had lots of family photos and had a lot of picures of him with lo. My OH and lo like looking through that together. We really try to talk about FIL and popsie so lo's memories of them are kept alive.
Lo has accepted this and talked about my mums cat seeing Grandad and Popsie when she died.
On a side note we were at the cinema yesterday and the new film Coco was in the trailers. Its about The Land of the Dead and Im very intrigued to c how death is handled in it.

 

[noon_child]

I've also told my LO that if people didn't die there could be no new babies as the world would get full up and there'd be no space for anyone new. Death means that everyone gets a turn to be alive.

We talk about how plants die and their bodies turn to soil and this soil lets new plants grow and how that happens with people too, but that some people believe in a soul, that part of you that isn't your body but is made of your thoughts and feelings, and that our souls go to heaven.

 

[whatwillbex]

^^^ oh I like that. Now I feel ready and armed with lovely answers (thanks ladies) she typically won’t ask me again and seems ok now. 5 year olds!! Next week it will be the birds and the bees question, I’ve gotten away with it up till now. Que my next thread! Haha

 

[SarahBear]

I wouldn't lie, but I also wouldn't open the can of worms about the fact that young people can die. I would just tell her that everyone dies, but reassure her that she's young and has a long life ahead of her. It's a hard thing to accept no matter how well you handle answering the question. Violet had a very hard time for years. I think it still upsets her, but hey, it also upsets most adults. She doesn't dwell on it like she used to.

 

[Zephram]

Basically what others have said. We aren’t religious so I don’t tell him about heaven and I also avoid euphemisms like saying dead people are in the clouds. I have told DS1 that it’s the natural order of things - everything dies, nothing lives forever. He understands that your body stops and that one day he’ll die but that it’s so far away in his future that he doesn’t need to worry about it. I don’t make a big deal out of it or act afraid of it (I’m actually not anyway - one day I’ll be dead but I won’t care because I’ll be dead, don’t really see the big deal tbh!), I treat it factually, lightly and leave it at that and IMO this avoids it building into an issue that really bothers them. If you couch it in superstitions and euphemisms then I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill and it can backfire.

 

[WackyMumof2]

We've always been open and honest with DS1 and DS2 about death and have told them they need to look after each other and get along because one day, me and their father won't be here for them and they will only have each other. They understand that all life comes to an end and as scary as it is for them, they accept it. Just try telling your daughter that one day it will be her turn because we can't live forever. But re-assure her that it won't be for many, many years.