Debate - to cry or not to cry.....

[jenkins]

I've reworded this post a few times so as not to offend but I'm just going to say what I feel the best I can

Some of the comments on this thread I find really upsetting. My baby didn't 'have to resort' to crying for food or cuddles or anything else but he still did.

I wanted to wear him but as a newborn he hated it. He never ever self settled or slept in his basket. Which I embraced as I have always done all I can to fullfill his needs. I have taken a very ap approach, he has always been held and we co sleep. But he still cried!! Alot!!

I was and am always responsive, even when I had everyone around me telling me I was 'spoiling' him. But he still cried. And it was heartbreaking that I literally couldn't stop him.

Now he's a very happy content little boy who sleeps better than ever and hardly ever cries.

Those who think that a baby shouldn't have to cry have that opinion based on what they have experienced which isn't the same for everyone.

To the op - it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing

 

[KittyVentura]

You're doing teh right thing I think.

I did the same as you.

Firstly, Fin slept better at night because I was feeding him before he had a chance to get worked up and really wake up.

It allowed him to fall into a natural (baby led) routine.

We've been a slave to his changing routine ever since and I still never (unless we get caught out... missed bus etc) let him cry for feeds or for naps etc.

Fin is genuinely the happiest and most content baby you could me. Very advanced in his development (smiled at 3 weeks, laughed at 6 weeks, rolled at 10 weeks, could move around the floor using rolls and turns by 18 weeks, crawled last week and today got himself sitting from being on his tummy), very independent and still hardly ever cries now. Only time he does is with frustration because he wants to do everything already and gets wound up that he can't yet.

It really worked for us and hasn't had any negative repurcussions so far xx

 

[aliss]

As stated, crying is a LATE sign of hunger for an infant, here is a good guide:
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/basics/hunger-cues.html

Oh I almost had a heart attack when I saw Babywise/Ezzo posted... lol! Glad to see you researched it more and realized the truth about them. You are doing great.

 

[elephant29]

I think what your doing is great.

Aria was EBF for 6 months and I done exactly the same as you. She barely cried for anything and I always fed her before she became to hungry.

Even now we are FF she rarely cries (apart from teething). I will admit that she now cries for her bottle sometimes but I think this is because we are both still finding our feet with it after all she was used to the boob solving everything for 6 months!

xxx

 

[mrsthomas623]

Sounds perfect to me!!

 

[elephant29]

I've reworded this post a few times so as not to offend but I'm just going to say what I feel the best I can

Some of the comments on this thread I find really upsetting. My baby didn't 'have to resort' to crying for food or cuddles or anything else but he still did.

I wanted to wear him but as a newborn he hated it. He never ever self settled or slept in his basket. Which I embraced as I have always done all I can to fullfill his needs. I have taken a very ap approach, he has always been held and we co sleep. But he still cried!! Alot!!

I was and am always responsive, even when I had everyone around me telling me I was 'spoiling' him. But he still cried. And it was heartbreaking that I literally couldn't stop him.

Now he's a very happy content little boy who sleeps better than ever and hardly ever cries.

Those who think that a baby shouldn't have to cry have that opinion based on what they have experienced which isn't the same for everyone.

To the op - it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing

I dont think anyone meant to insinuate that a baby who cries doesnt have a loving and attentive parent. Goodness we all know that these little creatures can change from one minute to the next so not for a second would I think that you didnt do everything in your power just because your babay cries!

My close friends daughter is a week older than mine and she cries constantly. this is despite the fact my friend does everything she can to prevent it. It doesnt mean she isnt as good a parent as me for example who's LO hardly cries!

xxx

 

[aliss]

I've reworded this post a few times so as not to offend but I'm just going to say what I feel the best I can

Some of the comments on this thread I find really upsetting. My baby didn't 'have to resort' to crying for food or cuddles or anything else but he still did.

I wanted to wear him but as a newborn he hated it. He never ever self settled or slept in his basket. Which I embraced as I have always done all I can to fullfill his needs. I have taken a very ap approach, he has always been held and we co sleep. But he still cried!! Alot!!

I was and am always responsive, even when I had everyone around me telling me I was 'spoiling' him. But he still cried. And it was heartbreaking that I literally couldn't stop him.

Now he's a very happy content little boy who sleeps better than ever and hardly ever cries.

Those who think that a baby shouldn't have to cry have that opinion based on what they have experienced which isn't the same for everyone.

To the op - it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing

I'm sorry you were hurt, although I don't think anyone had any intention of implying that. My son cried for 6 months straight, full-on screaming 24/7 and never slept, and unfortunately some babies are like that. We may feel like failures at times but sometimes it just happens, luck of the draw I suppose Oh and mine never cries anymore either, isn't it amazing???! Like a whole new life!

 

[sapphire1]

Sounds like you're doing a great job, keep on as you are. I am a bit upset though as Holly cries loads, and reading some of the posts make me feel it's my fault (maybe it is?). When she was newborn she refused to BF even though I tried my best for 6 weeks, she screamed any time I tried to latch her for all these weeks. She also screamed due to silent reflux, which she still suffers from. She gives me no warning whatsoever that she wants a feed - she will rarely wait 3 hours, but if I pre-empt her she won't drink her bottle and it gets wasted. The only true indicator that she's hungry is if she cries (she will literally go from smiling to screaming in 3 seconds when she wants a feed). She screams any time she goes near her sling or baby carrier - hates them both. She has also been crying loads lately presumably because she's bored. She isn't contented with anything for more than 5 minutes. I feel so envious of other mums who have contented babies...

 

[Lightworker]

Jenkins- that must have been so hard for you. I do think though, within the context of this thread at least, the crying in question is due to a need not being met fast enough IYKWIM. Alot of moms do take pride in having content LOs and attribute it to their quick response and being in tune wit their maternal instinct. Obviously there are other factors at play in babies crying (some known, some unknown) so its not an indictement on your mothering if your baby cries alot and you sound like an amazing mom. X

 

[jenkins]

I've reworded this post a few times so as not to offend but I'm just going to say what I feel the best I can

Some of the comments on this thread I find really upsetting. My baby didn't 'have to resort' to crying for food or cuddles or anything else but he still did.

I wanted to wear him but as a newborn he hated it. He never ever self settled or slept in his basket. Which I embraced as I have always done all I can to fullfill his needs. I have taken a very ap approach, he has always been held and we co sleep. But he still cried!! Alot!!

I was and am always responsive, even when I had everyone around me telling me I was 'spoiling' him. But he still cried. And it was heartbreaking that I literally couldn't stop him.

Now he's a very happy content little boy who sleeps better than ever and hardly ever cries.

Those who think that a baby shouldn't have to cry have that opinion based on what they have experienced which isn't the same for everyone.

To the op - it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing

I'm sorry you were hurt, although I don't think anyone had any intention of implying that. My son cried for 6 months straight, full-on screaming 24/7 and never slept, and unfortunately some babies are like that. We may feel like failures at times but sometimes it just happens, luck of the draw I suppose Oh and mine never cries anymore either, isn't it amazing???! Like a whole new life!

it is amazing

I actually remember the first full day that he didnt cry because dh didnt believe me lol.

life is so much easier and more enjoyable now - so glad yous have come out the other side too

 

[mrs_park]

Sounds like your doing a fab job!

Your approach is/was same as mine and days would go by and I'd realize I hadn't heard him cry! That has changed recently (due to being overtired) and it's so awful and hard to hear because I'm not used to hearing him cry.

Keep it up hun, you're doing a great job and it'd paying off with a happy, content baby

 

[bump_wanted]

I was the same with Ollie actually i still dont let him cry and hes so content i think its tge way to go i hurts my heart to hear him cry xx

 

[PepsiChic]

i know you've got lots of replies of the same thing but i just wanted to add my two cents!

a baby tells us when it needs something by giving cues, if the cues arent picked up on then a baby will cry.

crying (followed by screaming with an older baby) is a last resort thing, it means the baby has got to the point where s/he NEEDS to be heard so that someone may come along and give him/her what they need because the cues they gave either havent been recognized or have been ignored.

what a mother strives to do is to understand her babys cues before it gets to the point that the baby needs to cry. this is EXACTLY what your doing!

it took me 3 or 4 weeks to understand my LO's cues and i had them mastered by about 6-8 weeks. i think i did pretty well! but it can take time and effort and be frustrating.

it ISNT "creating a rod" for your own back, infact crying has been proven to release a stress hormone called cortisol in a babys brain which stunts emotional development. so the less your baby cries the better! not to mention by always being quick to respond to her cues your LO will know that she has your support and the security you provide whenever she needs it. even if she just needs a cuddle!

 

[iHeartbaby#1]

i know you've got lots of replies of the same thing but i just wanted to add my two cents!

a baby tells us when it needs something by giving cues, if the cues arent picked up on then a baby will cry.

crying (followed by screaming with an older baby) is a last resort thing, it means the baby has got to the point where s/he NEEDS to be heard so that someone may come along and give him/her what they need because the cues they gave either havent been recognized or have been ignored.

what a mother strives to do is to understand her babys cues before it gets to the point that the baby needs to cry. this is EXACTLY what your doing!

it took me 3 or 4 weeks to understand my LO's cues and i had them mastered by about 6-8 weeks. i think i did pretty well! but it can take time and effort and be frustrating.

it ISNT "creating a rod" for your own back, infact crying has been proven to release a stress hormone called cortisol in a babys brain which stunts emotional development. so the less your baby cries the better! not to mention by always being quick to respond to her cues your LO will know that she has your support and the security you provide whenever she needs it. even if she just needs a cuddle!

This is isn't necessarily true though. My LO used to give cues as a newborn when I was breastfeeding and i had the same routine as the OP. He would turn toward my breasts or suck on his hands when he was hungry... sometimes he would even just smack his lips and he never had to cry. But he's been off the breast for a couple months now and doesn't turn his head toward them anymore, and he chews his fist constantly because of teething - not because he's hungry.

Unfortunately my LO always reaches the crying point when he's hungry now. In general he's a happy baby and he will be all smiles one second and then in as little as an instant he's crying and nothing but a bottle can help him because he's hungry. Luckily, he's got his own feeding schedule that he sticks to so i can make his bottles up ahead of time before he gets too upset.

OP - You are doing a great job! FX that your LO keeps her cues... it's soo nice not hear babies get all upset and bothered Oh and congrats on your new baby girl!