Decline going to baptism.

[laura11111]

I hope this is the right forum...

We've been invited to a baptism for my niece (husband's brother's baby). It wasn't a formal invitation...just a Facebook message.

To be completely honest, I'm not interested in going. It's not my thing. Also, it's a two hour drive and I'm slightly annoyed that it's on a Sunday, which is the only day my husband take time (four or five hours) off work. Lately, every Sunday has been taken up by other family things so we're getting behind on things that need to get done at home.

I can easily get out of the actual baptism because it would be difficult for my husband to get morning chores done in time, but they are having a lunch afterward. We're invited to the lunch, even if we can't make the baptism. It's an hour drive to the lunch, but I still don't want to go. We were just there less than a month ago for their other son's birthday party. Then we had two Thanksgiving dinners (my side and his). Then two more birthday parties. Then another Thanksgiving dinner with my dad. Plus, another family lunch. All fun events, but it's just too much. This time I'm saying no.

How do I politely decline this sort of religious event?

Thanks!

 

[Teri7489]

Be honest.

For my wedding and sons Christening I got people giving me crappy excuses and lies for why they weren't coming which hurt. I found out later they had lied and just wish they had said it wasn't their thing. Asking people to go to religious things they don't normally go to is a big ask and you are entitled to say no. You could always send a gift in the post or arrange to see them another time? X

 

[MindUtopia]

Yes, definitely. If you can't go or you don't want to, that's fine. I don't think most sane people would be offended by that, as long as you let them know that they shouldn't expect you. I think it's only really annoying when people don't respond or say they are coming and then cancel the day before. Obviously, it's nice to be around for family events, but if you just don't have the time, unless they're jerks, they should understand. I would just send a card and a small gift for the baby.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Erm to be fair I would be rather offended if my sisters didn't turn up to my kids christening just because they didn't feel like it and I don't think I'm a jerk
Perhaps we have different relationships within my family but I would try my best to make any family event I was invited to be it sisters/nieces/cousins etc. On the other hand though I enjoy being with my family, close and extended

On a side note I would obviously understand if someone had a prior engagement but just because I wanted to get things done around the house, yeah I would be offended, just my opinion of course.

Saying all that though, if your not going to go I would tell the truth as to why, we've had people make excuses before with the real reason they didn't want to and have found out other ways, usually social media which isn't to nice

 

[loeylo]

Erm to be fair I would be rather offended if my sisters didn't turn up to my kids christening just because they didn't feel like it and I don't think I'm a jerk
Perhaps we have different relationships within my family but I would try my best to make any family event I was invited to be it sisters/nieces/cousins etc. On the other hand though I enjoy being with my family, close and extended

On a side note I would obviously understand if someone had a prior engagement but just because I wanted to get things done around the house, yeah I would be offended, just my opinion of course.

Saying all that though, if your not going to go I would tell the truth as to why, we've had people make excuses before with the real reason they didn't want to and have found out other ways, usually social media which isn't to nice

Yeah I'd be pissed if my sister/sil didn't come to any celebration of my daughter. Similarly, id feel like a **** if I didnt go to their kids events.

We are close to our family though.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

a baptism is a once in a lifetime event- you cant exactly " go next time" so id make an effort to go.

 

[Zephram]

I am not religious so I can see how it's a faff to attend, but it's family, so I really think you should go. I would be very offended if any members of our family couldn't be bothered to go to something for my kids! Imagine if the roles were reversed... make the effort.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Just to add, most christenings/baptisms are on a Sunday, at least in the uk they are anyway. Our church refuses to do one any other day of the week, it's the last Sunday of the month or nothing.

I'm not overly religious either (although my kids are christened) and my partner also only has Sunday's of off work.

 

[staralfur]

For some reason saying "we can't come to your baptism because my husband needs to get his chores done" sounds SO weird to me. I'd be scratching my head if someone close to me declined coming to a special event because of housework.

I understand that when you've been doing a ton of stuff that it can all get overwhelming and sometimes you just crave some normal downtime. That said, I think if it's only going to take a few hours out of your day I'd make the effort to go. I've declined random get-togethers if I don't feel like going but I try to make big family/important events work unless there's a conflict. For me housework wouldn't really be considered a conflict.

I think if you're going to tell them you're not coming then you need to be honest. Say "we've had a lot going on lately and don't feel that we have the time/energy to make this one." If you think they'll be okay with that then you're good. If you think they'll be hurt then maybe time to reconsider.

 

[lau86]

Just be honest. I'm not sure they will take it well though, I would be upset especially as they've offered you to come to the lunch not the baptism

 

[Septie]

I totally understand that you are sick of all the get togethers and want some downtime - but a baptism, as a once-in-a-lifetime event, is much more important to most families than a birthday party, a yearly Thanksgiving dinner, certainly a family lunch etc. . So a baptism is not the event I would decline, especially for a niece (other than the grandparents, you'd be the closest relatives).

 

[laura11111]

For some reason saying "we can't come to your baptism because my husband needs to get his chores done" sounds SO weird to me. I'd be scratching my head if someone close to me declined coming to a special event because of housework.

I understand that when you've been doing a ton of stuff that it can all get overwhelming and sometimes you just crave some normal downtime. That said, I think if it's only going to take a few hours out of your day I'd make the effort to go. I've declined random get-togethers if I don't feel like going but I try to make big family/important events work unless there's a conflict. For me housework wouldn't really be considered a conflict.

I think if you're going to tell them you're not coming then you need to be honest. Say "we've had a lot going on lately and don't feel that we have the time/energy to make this one." If you think they'll be okay with that then you're good. If you think they'll be hurt then maybe time to reconsider.

Lol, opps...I guess not everyone's a farmer. I totally would have thought housework, before I met my husband Chores is milking/feeding the cows, among other things. He has to do it twice a day, everyday, rain or shine, healthy or violently ill.

 

[laura11111]

Thanks for your input, everyone. I will consider what you've said.

 

[staralfur]

For some reason saying "we can't come to your baptism because my husband needs to get his chores done" sounds SO weird to me. I'd be scratching my head if someone close to me declined coming to a special event because of housework.

I understand that when you've been doing a ton of stuff that it can all get overwhelming and sometimes you just crave some normal downtime. That said, I think if it's only going to take a few hours out of your day I'd make the effort to go. I've declined random get-togethers if I don't feel like going but I try to make big family/important events work unless there's a conflict. For me housework wouldn't really be considered a conflict.

I think if you're going to tell them you're not coming then you need to be honest. Say "we've had a lot going on lately and don't feel that we have the time/energy to make this one." If you think they'll be okay with that then you're good. If you think they'll be hurt then maybe time to reconsider.

Lol, opps...I guess not everyone's a farmer. I totally would have thought housework, before I met my husband Chores is milking/feeding the cows, among other things. He has to do it twice a day, everyday, rain or shine, healthy or violently ill.

Haha okay, that is admittedly much less weird.

I think in that case I'd try to make it work but tell them ahead of time that you've got catching up to do with the farm and might not be able to swing it (unless they need a solid commitment ahead of time). And then if you don't think it's going to be totally detrimental to step away for a few hours go for it. I think knowing that you're talking about your livelihood rather than just housework it's a bit more understandable.

 

[minties]

I've never been to a baptism nor met anyone who has been baptised or christened etc etc. I have no religious background and don't know anyone who goes to church. I don't even know what a baptism involves. But it sounds very important, like a wedding, and I would make the effort to go. When people are dead and gone and you miss them, you regret the events you didn't bother to turn up for. Life's too short to miss these important things.

I gather you've been invited as a couple but can't just one of you go?

 

[KatO79]

I'd also make an effort to go, especially as it's family.

Would it be impossible for you and your husband to go and just stay for 1-2 hours at the lunch, just to show you acknowledge this is a big thing for them?

Failing that maybe offer to invite them out another time (to a lunch, dinner, whatever) to celebrate their baby's baptism?