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[sciencemum]

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[Kate&Lucas]

As far as I'm aware he only has rights if he's named on the birth certificate? Might be worth looking into.

Even so, the courts act in the best interests of the child, I couldn't imagine anyone agreeing to that arrangement with a newborn!

 

[LilBean2010]

I am going through the exact same thing. My baby is due in 9 1/2 weeks and when I offered a graduated parenting plan for Dad - working up to weekends and overnights - he said he wants "his right to 50/50!" From my research, no court in the land is going to order such a plan for an infant and I have been told most men ask for this kind of plan to avoid paying child support. Psychologists recommend that infants have a "home base" with short visits with the non-custodial parent. Also, if you are breastfeeding, that will assist you in making your point for a stable living situation until the baby is not receiving substantial nutrition from breastfeeding.

Below, please find a sampling of the websites I found supporting a stable home base for a baby. Perhaps these would help you with your ex?
https://www.divorce-support-and-care.com/joint-custody-of-an-infant.html - This one perhaps summarizes it best...

https://www.familymediationcouncil.com/parentguidevisit.htm

https://www.freelegaladvicehelp.com/family-law/visitation/Visitation-Schedule-For-Infant.html

https://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/those-jointcustody-studies.html

https://deltabravo.net/custody/visitpamphlet.php

https://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/family/schedules.asp

https://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/familyresources/a/attach403.htm

https://www.totaldivorce.com/blog/2009/03/10/joint-custody-of-infants/

https://www.womansdivorce.com/child-custody.html

Either way - for me - I will not be listing Dad on the birth certificate and am going to be taking the opportunity to relocate with my company to a new city about 7 hours away prior to the baby being botn. My situation is different in that I do know Dad, but I still will not allow 50/50 with an infant. I think with all I have been through with LO's Dad...a fresh start will be in everyone's best interest.

Hugs to you, hun. I know exactly what you are going through. Feel free to PM me...

 

[sciencemum]

Thank you so much, I can not thank you enough.
Glad to know that I am not alone in this boat.

I don't know how much UK laws differ to USA laws, but from reading esp the first link, I don't feel as horrid for feeling like having the baby passed around at such a young age is inappropriate.

I am in no way going to stop access, but, it does irritate me that he think that as the baby is made from half of each of us that he gets half of it and half of its time and to me thats not thinking about the baby, it's thinking about him.

Yes, i may be clingy, but i am a pregnant mum to be, it's only natural and i know that my baby will probably feel the same way.

 

[WhiteGeisha]

How can he expect 50/50 living so far away! No court will rule in his favour, especially for a child under 3. It's not like the baby is 2 and you have lived together and just split up. Your LO will not know who he is.

The fact you weren't with him long is also another factor here as like you said, you don't know him well enough to trust him to have regular access, especially without you being present.

If he is not named on the birth certificate he has no legal rights. Yes he could take you to court to gain parental rights but for most men this is more hassle than it's worth because it doesn't entitle him to more rights than you, if anything close.

As the child's mother, you automatically get parental rights over the father if you are not married, even more so if you do not name him on the bc.

My FOB was threatening to try and go for custody a few months back, but with him not living in this country because he's in the army and the fact he will not be named on the bc the chances of him getting any sort of regular access, especially overnight before our LO is 3 is practically non-existant.

Like you, FOB will have access and see his daughter but it will be on my terms. For me and FOB though there has been a few issues over the past 6 months and therefore he has to earn my trust back and prove he can be responsible before he gets any sort of visitation on his own (he is younger, 20). Also, you not stopping access completely will always go in your favour because you are making the effort to ensure they have some sort of relationship - just because he isn't getting what he wants means nothing.

IMO he is talking out of his ar*e and you don't have anything to worry about. Stick to your guns x

 

[JA1988]

I was just about to post an almost identical thread. At least there is a few of us in this situation so we can offer support to eachother. Unfortunately I don't have any advice as I am in this position myself and could really do with some help.

Me and FOB had been emailing about names, he threw a strop when he realised that LO is taking my surname not his when LO is born and he has now started to say to me that he is expecting joint parental responsibility rights and to share contact with our LO 50/50!! Now me and FOB were only together for a very short time, to begin with he wanted me to get the 'a' word and then when I informed him this was most certainly not happening, he said that he wanted to sign over all rights to his child, and now less than a month down the line he is stating that he wants 50/50 access and that 'he doesn't see why the baby should have my surname'!!

Surely there is no way he will ever be able to get 50/50 rights to a newborn child I am planning on breastfeeding?! I am really worrying about the prospect of my newborn baby having to spend half of every week away from me. He wants his name on the birth certificate and obviously I know I should do this but what rights do I have in terms of this 50/50 issue?!!! I am so worried

Sorry to jump in on your thread Sciencemum, just thought there was no point starting another thread for an almost identical issue and all advice will help the both of us xx

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

not being on the birth certificate has NO bearing on rights. At least not in ohio. My ex is not on the birth certificate and he was able to get custody at one point. I had to get him DNA tested through child support so they make him pay Child Support, then I filed for custody, he got visits (DS was 1yr old at this time by time everything with DNA and court was done. Then he filed for custody, got it, then i filed back for custody and got it. He wont go for joint even though I want it and he knows DS needs it.

 

[expecting09]

Everything everyone has said is spot on.

There's no way in hell he'd get 50/50 custody!! If he files for it, leave him to it, it'll just be a waste of money for him