Depressing Day

[Kat541]

Depressing day for me in the NICU today. I was told I don't make enough milk for my son because I don't eat or sleep enough, he won't nurse without a shield because my nipple isn't right, and it would be better for his development if I would show up to try to breast feed him for all his feedings at the hospital every four hours, and his heart valve to circulate oxygen to his lungs doesn't appear to be closing soon enough and he'll have to be checked in six months to see if he needs a surgury to close it.
I just want him home where his parents can care for him. I hate walking in there to see him just lying there awake looking around with no attention or being held. This is breaking me, and I'm a pretty strong person. Not to mention, I have my own issues of business and life to deal with inbetween. It's been seven days now, and my crotch feels like it's been kicked after riding a horse for a week straight.

 

[WantsALittle1]

I know your pain. All except for the crotch part.

I had issues with milk production in the beginning, but they got better. I'm not a fan of the nipple shield either, and I, too, cringe at the thought of my daughter lying in her crib crying (like I see other babies in the NICU do, for 10 minutes sometimes) with nobody rushing to her side. I am working half time to bank sick leave for when she comes home, and can't spend 24 hours in the NICU to breastfeed her every time she asks.

I personally think that babies should be released when the only remaining issue is feeding, and that mothers should be given a shot at home nursing for a couple of days and if the baby isn't getting it, they can go back to the hospital.

 

[mommy0629]

First, please don't beat yourself up. My daughter has been in the NICU for 13 days now and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Towards the end of the first week I was starting to really loose it emotionally, but I created a routine to my days and focused on doing what I needed to do for her and it helped me a LOT.

You need to get in a good rhythm of when you are at the hospital each day, when you work, etc., basically create a schedual that works for you and sticking with that will make your days feel more "normal". You'll sleep better that way too.

The breastfeeding - so, are you pumping at least every 3 hours and taking that milk to the NICU each day? Even if you're supply isn't enough for all of his feedings yet, they can still use what you do have and just add formula to it.

Who told you you don't make enough milk for him because you're not sleeping or eating enough? Shame on them!! There are mothers in third world countries who are practically starving yet their breastfed babies are thriving. You need to pump pump pump pump to get your supply going. Bring home something your son has worn or a blanket or hat that smells like him and hold it while you pump (I know it sounds nuts, but even just thinking about my daughter sometimes will make me leak lol, it's natural). Use that time to know that you are doing something for your son even if you can't be right with him at that time Can you get help from a lactation consultant? Don't stress about needing to use the nipple shield either. Even though my daughter is breastfeeding well now (she's almost two weeks old though) I still use one just because her mouth is still tiny and I'm large breasted so my nipple is too big for her to latch onto correctly yet. It's ok though they can be weaned off of using the shield later. For now just do what you have to to get him to breastfeed and enjoy it when he does

Of course I can't give you advise on the other things, but hang in there He'll be home soon.

 

[WantsALittle1]

^wss about the milk supply! I, too, was told that my milk supply would be bad if I didn't sleep or eat enough. WRONG. I was told two days later by someone else (and have observed on my own) that it's hogwash. Pumping and hydration are what affect supply, and yes, obviously you need food to live and produce milk, but when I'm eating little/poorly on any given day it creates a tummy ache, not a diminished milk supply!

As much as pumping sucks, you may have to do it to help with your supply. It may seem like you aren't producing enough right now but please stick with it. It took 2 full weeks before my supply truly manifested itself. Before that 2 week mark, I was 'behind' on milk supply and was being told the same things you're being told. If you try pumping, massage/push your boobs while you pump, and keep the pump going until little or nothing is coming out, your supply should increase enough to satisfy your baby at feedings...

 

[Kat541]

The lactation consultant told me I wasn't eating or sleeping enough. I was thinking last night I wonder how many babies would have starved to death back in biblical times without nipple shields and pumps and bottles, lol. I pump at least every three hours, for 20+ minutes at a time. I'm also taking 9 fenugreek capsules a day. The NICU called first thing this morning to ask if they could give him formula since they didn't have any more of my milk. Of course I said they could. It's been 8 days, 7 when I spoke with the consultant, and I pump about 30ml from each breast at a time. They say they feed him 50mls at each feeding, which I *think* is every 4 hours.

 

[WantsALittle1]

The lactation consultant told me I wasn't eating or sleeping enough. I was thinking last night I wonder how many babies would have starved to death back in biblical times without nipple shields and pumps and bottles, lol. I pump at least every three hours, for 20+ minutes at a time. I'm also taking 9 fenugreek capsules a day. The NICU called first thing this morning to ask if they could give him formula since they didn't have any more of my milk. Of course I said they could. It's been 8 days, 7 when I spoke with the consultant, and I pump about 30ml from each breast at a time. They say they feed him 50mls at each feeding, which I *think* is every 4 hours.

In what week was your LO born? At 8lb9oz I am assuming late pre-term to full-term? I can understand the challenge with a larger baby because they will need large feeding amounts right away. With my baby I was able to ramp up my milk supply in tune with her feeding increases. At 8 days of life I was pumping less than 30 mL from each breast so I think you are on track to have a great supply. It's just not coming all at once. Im confused, tho... If you're pumping 30+30 every three hours and your baby is taking 50 every 4 hours, how can they claim that you dont have enough milk?!

 

[Kat541]

That is what I was wondering! He was born term, he is in NICU because of meconium aspiration and had the cord around his neck and had to be resuscitated. He is on a canula now, but hoping he can come home after this weekend. He also got addicted to the morphine they gave him and has to be weaned off or he gets tremors.

 

[WantsALittle1]

That is what I was wondering! He was born term, he is in NICU because of meconium aspiration and had the cord around his neck and had to be resuscitated. He is on a canula now, but hoping he can come home after this weekend. He also got addicted to the morphine they gave him and has to be weaned off or he gets tremors.

Oh no! Poor little guy. My daughter had a cord complication too, but didn't require resuscitation. That must have been rough on you all, so sorry to hear that. I'm sure he'll be off the cannula very soon, and will be in your arms and home in a jiff. Have you tried BFing him--if so, any success?

So I'd ask those nurses about their skills with a calculator--seems like you are being wrongly accused of not making enough milk! Jerks! I'd find a whiteboard and write down 60 (what you're pumping) - 50 (what they are feeding) = 10... Let them think about that for a while

 

[Foogirl]

Oh this makes me angry. Nonsense nonsense nonsense. None of this is any of your fault and there is nothing you are doing wrong. After 7 days of course your supply isn't going to be fully established and neither is breastfeeding. And as for a "nipple being wrong" for a shield, that's just not right. I suggest you ask them to give bottle feeds when you aren't there, supplemented with formula if needs be and you just keep on pumping. The bottle feeding will not affect breastfeeding, it will probably establish better when you get him home and can relax more into it. Can you find a decent BFing specialist in your area because in my experience NNICU nurses are not necessarily the best advisors.

Don't beat yourself up about any of it, you are doing what you can in exceptional circumstances. It won't be forever and your LO will be home before you know it.

 

[mommy0629]

The lactation consultant told me I wasn't eating or sleeping enough. I was thinking last night I wonder how many babies would have starved to death back in biblical times without nipple shields and pumps and bottles, lol. I pump at least every three hours, for 20+ minutes at a time. I'm also taking 9 fenugreek capsules a day. The NICU called first thing this morning to ask if they could give him formula since they didn't have any more of my milk. Of course I said they could. It's been 8 days, 7 when I spoke with the consultant, and I pump about 30ml from each breast at a time. They say they feed him 50mls at each feeding, which I *think* is every 4 hours.

Um yeah, that should be enough milk for him then and 30ml from each breast is perfectly normal for 8 days. Bottom line hun, that lactation consultant is nuts, don't pay attention to her. Just keep doing what you're doing and your little boy will be home with you before you know it

 

[Lizzie K]

Bring home something your son has worn or a blanket or hat that smells like him and hold it while you pump (I know it sounds nuts, but even just thinking about my daughter sometimes will make me leak lol, it's natural). Use that time to know that you are doing something for your son even if you can't be right with him at that time

I had supply issues when Jackson was born. He just turned two weeks yesterday and I am finally producing enough for him. I also deal with engorgement and leaking just thinking about him. Monday, I mentioned to DH that it was about time for him to eat and sudden painful engorgement and leakage ensued.

OP-I know it's rough, my LO was only in NICU for a couple of hours and I felt horrible, so I can only imagine what you're going through right now. (they took him for observation because he was showing signs of a narcotic withdrawal even though I took nothing stronger than Tylenol PM and two Ambien that were given to me at the hospital, I stay away from narcotics because the idea of becoming hooked scares the crap out of me) Your LO won't be there forever, soon he will be home with you, ready to be spoiled rotten, so try to stay positive. It's hard, but things will work out.

 

[Foogirl]

oh and beware, our NNICU gave Abby formula a couple of times because they claimed they had no milk. Turns out there was plenty they just weren't looking hard enough.

 

[AP]

oh and beware, our NNICU gave Abby formula a couple of times because they claimed they had no milk. Turns out there was plenty they just weren't looking hard enough.

Ditto!

 

[Kat541]

I posted this over in the Breastfeeding forum. I'm getting really discouraged about this.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/breastfeeding/1191635-unreasonable-math.html

 

[mommy0629]

I posted this over in the Breastfeeding forum. I'm getting really discouraged about this.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/breastfeeding/1191635-unreasonable-math.html

SO, I'm gonna have a novel here lol, but I feel and hear your frustration and I really want you to not feel alone. I don't know what's going on in that NICU with your milk I'd really ask someone in charge at this point if they're still saying there's not enough and giving formula. Not that there's anything wrong with giving formula if needed, but you should have enough bm from what you're saying.

Secondly, kick that damn lactation consultant to the freekin curb already. Tell her you don't need her help anymore or just be completely honest and tell her she's not helping you, that she's doing nothing but stressing you out. They're supposed to be helpful and kind and supportive and it doesn't sound like she is at all. For goodness sakes it sounds more like she's trying to DIScourage you from bfing.

Having said that though, here's my situation so you don't feel alone in this- I've started giving my lo formula for a bunch of reasons - we were having to fortify my bm with the formula to make it higher in calories while she was in the NICU and sent home with the same instructions, she was VERY gassy on my bm and was literally pooping every single feeding and had a wicked sore on her bum from all that pooping, they had me feeding her a bottle of fortified bm AFTER she breastfed because she gets tired fast and wasn't getting enough from the breast, my breasts and nipples are large and her mouth is tiny still so she needed to use a nipple sheild.

So basically my days would be - breastfeed for about 15 minutes with a nipple sheild, then give a bottle of fortified bm (takes about 20 minutes), then pump for 20 minutes. Do this every 3 hours round the clock. Lets not forget making up and washing bottles and pumping equipment to the mix there AND changing a poop diaper about an hour after every feeding (yes, right in the middle of any posibility of sleeping). BFing is supposed to be easier they say, not always the case when you have a preemie with special feeding needs.

I was so all about bfing this time but sometimes there are situations that make it not possible and definately not the beautiful experience that it's made out to be. I just want to mention about how you were told you'd need to bf every 1 1/2 hours, yeah about every 2 hours is normal for a newborn BUT even if you formula feed it'll still be like every 3 hours so not too much better lol. Just something to keep in mind. There's a lot of reason women who want to bf can't and having a preemie or NICU baby can be one of them, so do what feels right for you and your baby

 

[toothfairyx]

Good advice above.
I bf my first into exhaustion when 6 weeks after he came home it was still every 2-3 hours, taking over an hour to do the feed then having to wind, to change nappies / clothes following the projectile poops by the time he was settled thee wasn't long until the next feed.

 

[Kat541]

This is how it's been the last few days:
My husband is going to be a stay-at-home dad. So bottle feeding is our main concern. I wanted breast milk in them, but we just needed him to get good at bottle feeding. Now, my LO was full/over term, but in the NICU. The lactation consultant wanted the nurses to encourage me to put him to breast so it would increase my production, since I'm capped at the 30ml each breast. The hassle with that is in my NICU, to breastfeed they strip the kid down and put a clean diaper on him and weigh him. Then I breast feed and then we strip him --I said "we" but we all know I mean "I"-- down and weigh him again and as if scales ever say the same thing twice down to the ounce, to estimate how much he drank, and then make up the rest in a bottle. The rest being, he is required to have 65ml every three hours, or 89ml every four hours. They are forcing me to make him drink it all at once because they don't want to use the feeding tube if they don't have to, like it's spoiling him or something. He only wants to eat 50ml at a time on his own before he falls asleep. So why I have to force him to tears and frustration to eat what he clearly doesn't want is pissing me off because they are adamant he not loose a single ounce, but gain every day. At home, I can tell you I would NOT be forcing him to eat after he falls asleep. They even have me change his diaper when he stops to try to wake him up again to eat. Also, he has this congestion that one nurse told me was him not wanting to be forced to eat, so he's holding that milk at the back of his throat instead of swallowing it right away and it's backing up into his nose. Oh, and they addicted him to morphine, so he's being weaned off that, and they give it to him at feeding time. Feeding time takes about 20-40 minutes, so I'm thinking that isn't helping him any when the morphine kicks in. I also wonder if it makes him feel nauseated. Either way, he is at least holding it all down and not spitting up anymore. But he also farts and poops the whole time I feed him.