Depression and being told to "suck it up".

[kellze]

Hi all. A long one....

Some general advice if possible....please

I have suffered from depression for many years. It flares up out of nowhere and I often don't realise for many weeks why everything seems a million times harder than normal.
My husband recently joined the Air Force and has been away for 4 months training with another year to go. I'm in Queensland with two children and he is in Victoria.
Last week I had a bad episode and had to take four days off work to try and equalise myself. I was stuttering when I would talk, so angry at everything and everyone and doing things that were really quite out of character and even considered running away from it all. It was hellish. My husband was unable to be of any use whatsoever. My 15yr old son was amazing. He looked after his little sister, distracting her when I needed to be alone, tidying the house etc etc.
I came out of it ok.

Today I spoke to my parents in England and they asked if I was planning to go to Victoria to be with my husband this year. I told them about the depression and how I was feeling. .....they said it was tough and I would have to suck it up and make sure not to move my sons school as that wasn't fair on him and it didn't matter how I was feeling. I replied that if it was a case of me losing my marbles and doing something drastic or my son moving schools, I would choose to keep the family and myself secure. Again I was told to suck it up.

I understand the implications of moving him in year 10 and do not take it lightly. I need some real support and my husband is the only one able to give me that. I am still new to the country and have many acquaintances but no real friends.

Would I be wrong to move us for my health and sanity against my sons schooling?

 

[missk1989]

I would say if you feel you really need to do it then move. I think it will cause more harm him worrying about you all the time and trying to take care of you than moving him school and you all being happy.

 

[sharonjerome]

If you realize that you won't be able to survive then moving is the best option instead of just worrying about the difficulties and the planning to move.

 

[seoj]

First- you can't just "suck it up" when it comes to depression. It's something you need to get help for, and not just push through when it happens. I'm not sure, obviously, what help you've gotten in the past or present- but if you can seek counseling or other help, then do what you need hun. I think most people- dealing with depression (or not) need emotional support/help at some point in their lives. I've been there... and at the end of the day, the best version of "us" is the best version for those around us as well.

It's so sweet your son helped... and I'm sure you would do anything for him hun. I know maybe it's not "ideal" to move at this point, but that doesn't mean it won't be better for all of you. Have you talked to your son about all this? Maybe he'd relieve your concerns? Best of luck whatever you decide

 

[CandyDay]

How does your son feel about moving? Maybe you could talk to him and see what his concerns are as well about moving or not moving. Talk to your OH as well and maybe your decision will be easier once you know how everyone feels about it.

 

[PresqueVu]

Well done for admitting things. Thats hugely important and it really sucks that your family were dismissive of that. I've had that with people I thought I could trust too. My mum's response to me admitting things for example, was to tell me I was making it up!

You have a responsibility to your own mental health and yes of course it matters how you are feeling! I don't know your history, so have you tried counselling at all? CBT seems to have good results

To a certain extent knowing your triggers and developing coping strategies can keep you ticking over - but ultimately if it's more than you can bear you have every right to say so. There is no shame in reaching out and it benefits everyone for you to do so, including your son.

I wish you the best of luck

 

[PresqueVu]

Also can I just add to seoj - every time I see you post, I feel like I should high-five you (I think my son might be influencing me there)