Sweetlucca
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- Jan 27, 2016
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I am so happy I found a place that I feel free to ask advice from someone who "has been there" and felt the pain.
I have two wonderful kids ages 9 and 7. I was finally feeling content with my husbands and I decision to not have anyone children. I wanted more but lost my mom a few years back and was scared to have more without her support. At 34, I was happy. But then one day, my world flipped and I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn't believe it. I was scared. I felt so much love for this little bean and had a huge fear I would lose the baby. I thought maybe it was because I knew we wouldn't try again if something happened.
Slowly I started getting really excited. My 9 year old daughter was over the moon. We got all our blood test back and everything was great. We were having a baby boy! My kids begged to go to my midwife appointment at 17 weeks. I took them bc everything was fine. But biggest mistake of my life. We found out that day that we had lost our sweet baby Lucca. I was induced that night and Lucca was was born at 335 am on my 35th birthday. (Dec 23)
This pain.... It is like no other. I've screamed, I've cried. I am slowly healing but know that I am forever changed. But I am trying to make it a better stronger change. Lucca has to have a positive effect on my life.
My doctor has been great. She ran tons of tests but we just can't find out why. I was healthy. He was healthy. It just happened and my doctor said it gives her confidence in saying it won't happen again.
I want to try again so badly that my arms ache to hold a baby. I know it wouldn't replace the baby I lost but I feel like it is the only way I can heal.
My husband has been my rock through this. I feel as though I have fallen in love with him all over again with how well he has cared for me. But I know he doesn't want to try again. But we haven't had a real discussion about it. I am scared to hear him say no and lose the hope I have been clinging to.
I know I am older. I know a baby was not in the plans but ......
Is anyone else struggling with feeling this way?? Do you or did you try again?? Should I be trying to move past this? I was happy before the pregnancy could I ever go back and have that happy again??
I feel so alone. So if anyone could offer advice I would LOVE to hear it and would so grateful. Thank you.
Dana
I have two wonderful kids ages 9 and 7. I was finally feeling content with my husbands and I decision to not have anyone children. I wanted more but lost my mom a few years back and was scared to have more without her support. At 34, I was happy. But then one day, my world flipped and I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn't believe it. I was scared. I felt so much love for this little bean and had a huge fear I would lose the baby. I thought maybe it was because I knew we wouldn't try again if something happened.
Slowly I started getting really excited. My 9 year old daughter was over the moon. We got all our blood test back and everything was great. We were having a baby boy! My kids begged to go to my midwife appointment at 17 weeks. I took them bc everything was fine. But biggest mistake of my life. We found out that day that we had lost our sweet baby Lucca. I was induced that night and Lucca was was born at 335 am on my 35th birthday. (Dec 23)
This pain.... It is like no other. I've screamed, I've cried. I am slowly healing but know that I am forever changed. But I am trying to make it a better stronger change. Lucca has to have a positive effect on my life.
My doctor has been great. She ran tons of tests but we just can't find out why. I was healthy. He was healthy. It just happened and my doctor said it gives her confidence in saying it won't happen again.
I want to try again so badly that my arms ache to hold a baby. I know it wouldn't replace the baby I lost but I feel like it is the only way I can heal.
My husband has been my rock through this. I feel as though I have fallen in love with him all over again with how well he has cared for me. But I know he doesn't want to try again. But we haven't had a real discussion about it. I am scared to hear him say no and lose the hope I have been clinging to.
I know I am older. I know a baby was not in the plans but ......
Is anyone else struggling with feeling this way?? Do you or did you try again?? Should I be trying to move past this? I was happy before the pregnancy could I ever go back and have that happy again??
I feel so alone. So if anyone could offer advice I would LOVE to hear it and would so grateful. Thank you.
Dana