Devastated & don't know what to do

[Jmommy]

My brother and his wife had a baby girl 10 days ago and she has caught a virus and is not doing well. The prognosis is not looking good and I am heartbroken thinking about what they are going through. I can't even imagine the pain they are in and I just wish I could help in some way. But the truth is the only thing I'm going to do is make them feel worse by having a baby girl of my own in a few weeks. It seems like no one in my family wants to even be around me just because my pregnant belly is a reminder of what's happening and I understand it. I feel so guilty about having a baby now too. I have completely shut down about my pregnancy and cannot stop thinking about my brother. I haven't seen him at all since the baby was born and I dont know when he will ever want to see me because I will not go around him pregnant and how can I bring a baby girl around him any time in the near future.

I just cry everyday and cannot get my brother out of my mind. I just keep thinking about him sitting in the NICU crying over his daughter. This is the worst thing possible and I am just in shock that it happened. I can barely eat or sleep.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I don't know if this is even the right forum for this but Im just in a fog. I dont know if there is really anything anyone can say, but thanks for reading.

 

[Peachypoo]

Prayers are with little one. But you shouldn't feel guilty and its not your or your babies fault. Due to the the season usually people/children are down with winter virus.
My nephew recently caught a viral infection at just 12 days old and was admitted back into hospital and was on oxygen for over 2 weeks. But he's home and well now. Think positive.

 

[rapunzel87]

Aww, I am so sorry to hear that your niece is ill. Have the doctors given a prognosis? I hope that the little one is able to make a complete recovery very soon

As for your brother and sister in law, I am positive that they do not hold you accountable for your pregnancy and upcoming bundle of joy. You should certainly not feel guilty about it and you should focus on keeping yourself healthy for your upcoming delivery. This is a difficult time for your family, but you are not at fault!

Do keep us updated on the status of your niece - I hope things turn around for her and she is able to make a quick and speedy recovery

 

[Cattia]

I hope things turn out well for your niece. The doctors can really do amazing things and I am sure she is getting the best care she can in the NICU. I understand that you feel horrible about it, however I am sure your brother would also want you to treasure your daughter and the last days of your pregnancy. I really hope there is a good outcome for your family, I can't imagine how hard it must be for them x

 

[Insomniash]

I think you are likely personalizing it a bit too much because it is a very upsetting situation, and while it speaks volumes about how compassionate you are as a person and how much you care about your family, you don't need to feel guilty and I highly doubt your family is avoiding you or thinking about you as a negative reminder. They are likely just focused on his baby and the situation at hand. I think you should set aside your feelings of guilt and be supportive of your brother at this time, because your presence or lack thereof will be remembered in the long run.

I sincerely hope your niece is feeling better soon.

 

[Beanonorder]

Such a tough situation you are in. Of course the logical side of you knows it's not your fault but the emotional side still makes you feel guilty.
I don't have any advice but will keep your family in my prayers.
Big hugs

 

[SAmummy]

never give up on hope. Things may turn out just fine . Try to look after yourself even if you are feeling really sad. It's important for you and your baby

 

[Jmommy]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I was talking to my sister last night and she too used the words "it's not your fault." And I hadn't realized until then that I was blaming myself in some way for some reason. I think I am just empathizing with them so much because in 2011 I had my first baby, and although he is a beautiful toddler now, I found out in recovery from my emergency c section that he had down syndrome. It was the most difficult time in my life and I don't want anyone to go through an experience like that.

also, my sister had a healthy baby just a few weeks before my son was born and although I was happy for her it was difficult to be around her and her baby at that time. It was never a big deal. She was sensitive to me and I didn't blame her for having a baby, and She and I have talked about this many times since and all it's all good now. But I think that is why I am feeling so much guilt about my pregnancy right now.

I wish I could show some support to my brother but he won't let anyone come see them in the hospital and he won't talk/text with anyone. He is just sending updates to my mom thru text but otherwise he won't talk to anyone or let anyone in. I am really worried about him.we think he might be blaming himself for the virus. He thinks he is the one who gave it to her. My brother developed a cold sore around the day his daughter was born and now she had the herpes simplex virus that comes from cold sores. Its in her blood causing organ failure and it's spread to her spinal fluid which could cause brain damage. Its incredibly sad and I can't imagine the pain he must be in thinking its his fault.

 

[nflores77]

Sorry your family is going through so much at this time. Hang in there and think positive for your sweet little niece. I'm hoping and praying that she makes a 100% recovery soon. I'm glad your sister and you talked and it made you feel better.

 

[flou]

I can not imagine what your brother and SIL is going through. I hope your little niece makes a full recovery. And try not to feel guilty. Its not your fault or your brothers. My thoughts are with your family at this difficult time.

 

[amy8686]

What a terrible situation. But I agree with everyone else - you should not feel even remotely guilty and I think your brother would appreciate your support even if the reminder of your pregnancy is painful for him. I'm glad your sister helped you get some perspective.

I can only relate to the pain from being around pregnant people due to 3 years of infertility, and I don't think that pain could be nearly what your brother must be feeling, but I know that I never resented any pregnant person during that time who was A) sensitive to my emotions and B) appreciative about what they had. You clearly have the right attitude here and I cannot imagine your presence being anything but positive.

 

[mod19]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I don't have much to add to what other posters have already said, but once your brother is ready, it's important that you be there for him. I completely understand what he's blaming himself, and I cannot imagine how hard it must be on him. I'm praying your niece pulls through and makes a recovery.