dh doing my head in.

[justkitty]

So yesterday I was nursing dd who is only 8 days old. My dh has had totake over looking after ds wwhois 19m old as dd nurses like a typical newborn. Didn't bf ds so this is all new to me. She has posterior tongue tie and has a bad shallow latch so bf causes me constant pain.

Anyway we were on the sofa and I asked dh for a glass of water. His response.. 'you need to learn to be able to do lots of other stuff like housework whilst you feed her or nothing will get done'.

Later that day we had visitors who are mummy friends of mine and I had to leave them to chat with my dh because he refused to go put dinner on for my ds.

At lunch time I was nursing dd and my dh made lunch for himself but not for ds or me.

I am finding bf stressful but am giving it my best but I constantly worry about ds because my dh forgets to offer him food/snacks and basically tries to get ds to fit in around him. Ds is under the paediatric team for low weight gain so I've spent months getting him into a good eating routine as he doesn't really ever ask for food. Anyway he usually has breakfast around 7/730 & a snack at 9am. So dh decides to drag him out til 8am then he isn't hungry at 9am so won't eat til later etc and ends up not eating dinner. Or I'll remind dh at 845 that ds needs his snack at 9 and dh the decides to go take the dishwasher apart to clean it and give ds his snack at 950.

If my dd ever got off the boob I'd love to still do all of this for ds. Its so frustrating having to worry about my ds all the time as well.

It makes bf harder as I know ff would take 15-20mins not.1-1
5hours at a time

 

[NerdyMama]

That is awful. You need to sit and talk with your dh and address your concerns. Breast feeding is so hard the first few weeks and you need all the help you can get. And it will take time for the new one to stop being a boob hog. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[seaweed eater]

I'm sorry, that sounds so frustrating what do you think the issue is? Do you think he forgets what he's supposed to do, doesn't realize how important it is, doesn't feel responsible enough / expects you to rescue him? Or something else?

 

[w8ing4bean]

Wow. Do u think he realises how important routine is for a toddler? Is he just being a typical bloke and forgetting? I feel so mad on your behalf im not saying our husbands need to be our slave, but a sandwich and a drink while we nurse a newborn is not asking the world!!

 

[justkitty]

He is so used to me doing everything I think. We have talked but because of my hormones and inability to be rational (?!!?) We always argue instead. He does not get that his needs come last. Children first as far as I am concerned. If I ask for a drink or a pillow or snack etc I get huffed at.

 

[justkitty]

Ah yes and he gets no time for himself. Welcome to my world.

 

[Rachel_C]

It sounds like the whole issue is your OH's terrible attitude but have you tried a baby carrier/wrap as a way to feed your LO with hands free? It's probably not the easiest way to feed just now with LO being so young and everything new to you both but when you're both a bit more used to everything it could be great I assume your OH will be going back to work at some point?

For now, I'd make a list of everything you do and how long it takes, plus everything you normally do and how long that takes, then split it all between you and OH e.g. 'feed youngest for 2 hours' for you and 'spend 5 minutes making lunch for oldest' for your OH. Include how long each thing takes to get the point across that you're still doing far more than him! Sometimes having everything written down can stop arguing and also allow him to plan his time better e.g. if he sees that breakfast is at 8am and lunch at noon, with only a load of washing to do and 1 hour of proper playing with LO in between, he'll realise how much free time he really has, whereas when you're doing it it can feel like you have none.

 

[sue_88]

On of the main reasons women stop breastfeeding is crap support from their partner.

He's being a selfish d**k and needs to step up and actually be a father, sounds like he's doing a terrible job.

You need to just tell him straight, breastfeeding can take up hours, it doesn't mean you're not doing anything, your feeding one child, he should care for the other when you're busy.

I will never understand someone who doesn't fully support their loved one in breastfeeding, it should be applauded.....not have someone act like an asshole

 

[shanny]

whilst my husband is supportive of my bf he does see it as sitting/resting time for him too as he could be doing something useful....really annoys me............

i think men are just programmed differently and wake up thinking what can I do today............rather than what do others need...........i dream of the day my husband says WHAT NEEDS DOING?

those early hormonal weeks are hard we always row as i am tired teary it does get better and your abikity to cope with him will too xx

 

[w8ing4bean]

Exactly what sue said!!

 

[justkitty]

Silly thing is he is fully supportive of me breastfeeding. I just think he never realised how much time it would take. Plus whilst he has been doing washing etc he doesn't realise or understand the time my toddler needs and how to playwith him. I try to be uunderstanding and I try to explain things but he thinks he can only ever be right.

Eg I askes him to make a snack for ds and he didn't think to get him a drink. That was then my fault for not explicitly stating to give him water too.

 

[JenX]

i think men are just programmed differently and wake up thinking what can I do today............rather than what do others need...........i dream of the day my husband says WHAT NEEDS DOING?

I don't think men are programmed differently. My husband works 65-70 hours a week, and still wants to do as much as he can to help around the house. He cooks every night, does laundry, and more.

To the OP, I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It seems really selfish and unfair of your partner. Is there any way to make him understand that he needs to grow up and do his part? If not, I'd suggest learning to feed while babywearing as previous posters suggested. *Hugs*

 

[shanny]

lucky you ........

 

[justkitty]

I have my moby at the ready. Problem is I have big boobs and have to use both hands to feed so I am guessing it'd be better to wait until she is bigger.