Thanks Lilly
I was very scared, but if i hadnt been so scared, it would have been ok, the staff were absolutely lovely and there was no pain at all. I opted for a GA which meant i didnt need the pre op procedure. If Id had a local, the day before Id have had to have a rod inserted to start to open the cervix, but the GA meant i didnt need that. They didnt really keep me waiting around, i was in the hospital at 7am and i was finished and in the recovery room by 10.30am. At about 8am they gave me a tablet pessary to go to the loo with, and because i was bleeding thats the bit i cant get out of my head for some reason. I was given the outfit to change into, including flight socks and after that, I was given a pillow to take with me, and I was walked up to the the next floor where theatre was with another girl who was only 19 and was terminating her pregnancy by choice. She was very scared and it took my mind off things cos i was comforting her. We were asked to sit in the theatre waiting room - the other girl was called straight away, i had to wait for about 15 mins and then was called into the pre op room where i had to wait for about 15 mins as they didnt have the right equipment in surgery. The anesthetist and nurse in the pre op room were totally lovely, he put a canula in my hand which hurt a little bit, but then he said hed give me a pre op drug which made me go all doolalley and giggly to help me cope with the extra wait and after that I cant remember anything. The op only lasts 10 mins, and i work up in thed recovery room wearing a pair of pants that looked like a string vest, I had no cramping but was told i would bleed for up to 2 weeks. That was wednesday, and the bleeding is very light now.
Emotionally, well, I think because id had the 2 failed labours, i felt a lot of relief that it was over - i had been sat waiting since the Monday waiting for the labour to start again which was terrifying, so I had reason to feel relief. However, I didnt want to let bean go, so i felt protective and the sense of loss. The night before id put bio oil on as a last thing for us to do 'together' which made me cry floods.
Now, i keep having flashbacks to the pessary which makes me cringe and im trying to not to allow the memory back into my head. Im still a bit fragile, but I think the pain of the 2 labours has made my experience a bit different because the pain overrode some of the feelings i might normally have felt
The fact is though Lilly, it wasnt a bad experience factually. What actually happened was ok - its just what it meant that was hard to deal with
you will be ok, they will treat you well. I will be thinking of you on Monday poppet x