Did you just not bother......?

[eulmh82]

This was a question asked to me by a total stranger at my slimming world class when she asked if I was breastfeeding - I said no and she goes did you just not bother????NEVER EVER EVER say this to a woman who isn;t breastfeeding as you have NO idea what she has gone through!!! I had about 10 midwives and 2 lactation specialists try to help my LO latch on and he just wouldn't - he has a tongue tie - long story and the getting it fixed all went t**ts up - anyway I wanted to scream yes I did bloody bother but it doesn;t happen for everybody! Silly old bat!

 

[skunkpixie]

Im a meanie so I would have probably quipped back with "Ahhh well I see you could probably do with a nose job and facial liposuction, are you gonna do that anytime soon or you just not gonna bother?"

I know 2 wrongs dont make a right but sometimes people need to feel first hand how their stupid, judgmental comments affect others. xxxx

 

[StaceyKor]

I just posted this story in another thread but i'll post here too as its sooo relevant...

I felt the exact same way hun. I exclusively breastfed my daughter in hospital, even though she was diagnosed as having a tongue tie and there was huge doubt over her ability to latch on properly. The one night we stayed in hospital she literally constantly was trying to latch on, 13 hours of sheer torture for us both. She ended up exhausted due to getting no milk at all. We saw a lactation specialist who said the tongue tie may be causing it, but my hospital cant perform the op to fix it so itd be around 4 weeks before she could get her referral. I kept persevering as I really was determined to breastfeed. By the time we got home both nipples were actually cracked, blistered and bleeding due to her inability to latch efficiently. I dreaded her wanting to feed and was actually becoming afraid to touch her. It was my DH and parents who basically demanded i switch to formula or i'd end up depressed. I reluctantly agreed and from her very first bottle she has fed like a wee trooper. She can take the bottle easily even with her tongue tie. For the first week or so i was so down, felt like a failure. I tried to express, but between making bottles, changing her, feeding her and trying to keep on top of chores I just didnt manage to do it regular enough. My milk very quickly dried up . Thing is, i now see exactly how hungry she is lol, and how well she has come on using formula. I doubt I could have kept up with her demands. 5 weeks on I'm now happy with my choice as I really feel it was best for us both in the end xx

So...my daughter also has a tongue tie. Its not been snipped as we switched to formula. I am still swithering as to whether to have it done or see how things pan out alone. I read that teething and eating solids can actually cause it to tear and fix itself. If it seems it doesnt or her speech is impaired we'll be having it done. Although i worry about leaving it too long as this can require anaesthetic if child is older xx

 

[rebeccalouise]

some people are actually unbelievable! she obviously doesn't understand that some women try their hardest to breastfeed & it just won't happen. I was the same with my LO, she just wouldn't latch on x

 

[eulmh82]

I just posted this story in another thread but i'll post here too as its sooo relevant...

I felt the exact same way hun. I exclusively breastfed my daughter in hospital, even though she was diagnosed as having a tongue tie and there was huge doubt over her ability to latch on properly. The one night we stayed in hospital she literally constantly was trying to latch on, 13 hours of sheer torture for us both. She ended up exhausted due to getting no milk at all. We saw a lactation specialist who said the tongue tie may be causing it, but my hospital cant perform the op to fix it so itd be around 4 weeks before she could get her referral. I kept persevering as I really was determined to breastfeed. By the time we got home both nipples were actually cracked, blistered and bleeding due to her inability to latch efficiently. I dreaded her wanting to feed and was actually becoming afraid to touch her. It was my DH and parents who basically demanded i switch to formula or i'd end up depressed. I reluctantly agreed and from her very first bottle she has fed like a wee trooper. She can take the bottle easily even with her tongue tie. For the first week or so i was so down, felt like a failure. I tried to express, but between making bottles, changing her, feeding her and trying to keep on top of chores I just didnt manage to do it regular enough. My milk very quickly dried up . Thing is, i now see exactly how hungry she is lol, and how well she has come on using formula. I doubt I could have kept up with her demands. 5 weeks on I'm now happy with my choice as I really feel it was best for us both in the end xx

So...my daughter also has a tongue tie. Its not been snipped as we switched to formula. I am still swithering as to whether to have it done or see how things pan out alone. I read that teething and eating solids can actually cause it to tear and fix itself. If it seems it doesnt or her speech is impaired we'll be having it done. Although i worry about leaving it too long as this can require anaesthetic if child is older xx

Well this was another thing - she goes are you getting his tongue tie fixed - well by the time we saw the specialist feeding with a bottle was established and was no problem and the specialist said it would loosen with time and that actually tongue tie does not cause speech impediments. Well this woman goes to me well he might be a bit short tongued! I just said we'll deal with it as when it happens! I am so pathetic I just bow down to iot when people give me their two penneth. I should have gone on with the whole spiel well actually research shows that people who have speech impediments and tongue ties would have had the speech impediment anyway and they aren;t related! I get that things were thought about differently 30 plus years ago but it does not mean it;s right!

 

[Bunnikins]

Whether you try to breast feed or not... whats wrong with formula feeding.. as long as baby is getting fed.. its not like formula is poison, its the closest thing to breast milk, especially nowadays...Im sick of this attitude of if you dont breast feed youre EVIL or a bad mother! Tell people to mind their own business!

 

[Lady_Bee]

Wow how rude, what a cow. None of her frigging business anyway!
Some people will never get it.

 

[dizz]

I'd LIKE to say that I'd ask her "did you just not bother learning good manners and civilised behaviour growing up"... in reality though I'd probably drip out and start justifying myself.

 

[vintage67]

It would have been like spinning a wheel to say which reaction that would have gotten with me! Could have burst into tears; could have taught her some new curse words!

My baby just started some music classes. Now that he's 8 months, he can be in the mixed age classes with babies and toddlers. I skipped baby-only because they were holding them in the back room of a breastfeeding supply store! I called the instructor (who knows me from when my 8 year old took the classes) and asked her point blank if all the babies were breastfeeding. She assured me that they weren't but I still opted to not take him. The mixed age class has some babies but on the first day, I saw some diaper bags with bottles in the sides and I was so relieved!

 

[avellana]

People are SO insensitive, argggg!!!

When LO was 4 weeks I ventured to the outside world with her, first time on my own, to Medela. The saleslady (at MEDELA!!!) was critical of me not breastfeeding, and said two things which still bother me:
- That every baby is born exactly to fit his/her mother's nipple (yes, makes no sense, and I just wanted to scream at her as my baby just wouldn't latch)
- That not breastfeeding was bound to give us bonding problems. Oh, unless you do tons of skin-to-skin time to replace breastfeeding.

I still want to go back, find her and yell at her!

 

[eulmh82]

People are SO insensitive, argggg!!!

When LO was 4 weeks I ventured to the outside world with her, first time on my own, to Medela. The saleslady (at MEDELA!!!) was critical of me not breastfeeding, and said two things which still bother me:
- That every baby is born exactly to fit his/her mother's nipple (yes, makes no sense, and I just wanted to scream at her as my baby just wouldn't latch)
- That not breastfeeding was bound to give us bonding problems. Oh, unless you do tons of skin-to-skin time to replace breastfeeding.

I still want to go back, find her and yell at her!

well if your baby won;t latch what can you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some people just find it easy and don;t understand that sometimes it just doesn;t work. It's not that I didn;t just bother I went through a lot of guilt for it! I'd also forgotten my wedding ring that day and I look young for my age - not that there's anything wrong with that but think she was just judging me all around. She wasn't there this week

 

[fides]

ugh. what a cow. so sorry you had to go through that.

 

[vintage67]

fides! Congrats on the pregnancy! I thought you during all the Colorado fires! Baby is adorable in your avatar!

 

[fides]

fides! Congrats on the pregnancy! I thought you during all the Colorado fires! Baby is adorable in your avatar!

awww, you're so sweet, and you totally just made my day. haven't had as much time to check on the support thread, but was just browsing through there - hope you are doing well!

 

[dizz]

People are SO insensitive, argggg!!!

When LO was 4 weeks I ventured to the outside world with her, first time on my own, to Medela. The saleslady (at MEDELA!!!) was critical of me not breastfeeding, and said two things which still bother me:
- That every baby is born exactly to fit his/her mother's nipple (yes, makes no sense, and I just wanted to scream at her as my baby just wouldn't latch)
- That not breastfeeding was bound to give us bonding problems. Oh, unless you do tons of skin-to-skin time to replace breastfeeding.

I still want to go back, find her and yell at her!

I'd actually be making formal complaints against her myself - this is a woman who works for a company selling breastpumps, abusing that position to lay into women buying these things (ie breastfeeding - indirectly albeit, but feeding milk from the breast = breastfeeding). Basically abusing her job to push a very bullying lactivist agenda to women in a vulnerable position (I'd argue that a lot of women going for breastpumps by the likes of Medela are those struggling with, and attempting to be committed to, breastfeeding - rather than those buying the cheaper/hand pumps to get the odd bottle expressed to be able to go out or whatever).

 

[beth_terri]

I would have bitten her head off. I feel so guilty for giving up bf but it just wasn't right for us. If anyone ever judges me for ff ill lose it I know!!

Xx

 

[Kim91x]

Cannot believe someone actually said this to you. How rude! I was waiting for the MW to judge me today on giving up BF my LO - Although in my eyes, I didn't 'Give up' I made the right decision for myself and my baby that it was affecting us both and that the best thing to do would be to FF and I couldn't be happier with my decision. Seeing my LO put on weight and seem more happier & Content confirmed that I made the right choice. People need to mind there own business and leave us mums to make our own decisions for our children! xx

 

[beth_terri]

Cannot believe someone actually said this to you. How rude! I was waiting for the MW to judge me today on giving up BF my LO - Although in my eyes, I didn't 'Give up' I made the right decision for myself and my baby that it was affecting us both and that the best thing to do would be to FF and I couldn't be happier with my decision. Seeing my LO put on weight and seem more happier & Content confirmed that I made the right choice. People need to mind there own business and leave us mums to make our own decisions for our children! xx

I had the same worry with the .midwife today, but she was really good and said she couldn't even breastfeed herself. Sad thing is my baby gained 5oz since last Thursday which is all from breast its just too hard to keep on xx

 

[Kim91x]

Cannot believe someone actually said this to you. How rude! I was waiting for the MW to judge me today on giving up BF my LO - Although in my eyes, I didn't 'Give up' I made the right decision for myself and my baby that it was affecting us both and that the best thing to do would be to FF and I couldn't be happier with my decision. Seeing my LO put on weight and seem more happier & Content confirmed that I made the right choice. People need to mind there own business and leave us mums to make our own decisions for our children! xx

I had the same worry with the .midwife today, but she was really good and said she couldn't even breastfeed herself. Sad thing is my baby gained 5oz since last Thursday which is all from breast its just too hard to keep on xx

You gave your baby the best start, so don't beat yourself up about changing to formula. You will struggle for a couple of days thinking oh I should have carried on, but believe me after them couple of days are over and you see a happier more content baby your soon realise you made the right choice. I bet your boobs are thankful! Your LO will continue to out on weight and grow healthy. Formula isn't all that bad, they say Breast is best, but surely a mum who isn't always down and unhappy is best for a baby? Well that's my opinion anyway. Big hugs xx

 

[pinkgem100]

ohhhh i got asked this when i had DD and the woman got a mouthful she was basically told "you get rushed to hosp when you lo is 5days old with a weight loss of over 15% of there birth weight and wont wake up, no wet or dirty nappies and basically told you get to hosp now or thats it.... all due to me trying to bf and not producing... so you want me to keep trying and let my baby get sicker and sicker???".... she quickly ran away from a very hormonal me!!!

with ds i got asked if i was bf him (another stranger) when i said no, she tutted at me so she got the same response...

really bugs me, its personal choice, and why should we have to justify how we feed our children!!

xx