Did you tell your HV or midwife that you bed share?

[AngelofTroy]

Before I opened another thread titled something like, 'those who bed share, do you admit..' I thought it might be asking this question, so I thought I'd ask it anyway!

Do/did you admit to your midwife or health visitor that you bed share?

I bring LO into bed sometimes, but when my midwife talked to me about the risks, and the importance of him sleeping in his own cot, I kept quiet!

I'd done my research but I didn't feel able to defend my decision to bed share on occasion.

Anyone else a coward like me?! If you did admit it, what did they say?!

 

[x Helen x]

I don't bed share on a regular basis, but I have been known to do it on nights where LO just wouldn't settle in her own bed (the first week or so especially). Like you, I didn't tell the midwife or HV as I didn't want a lecture! Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do or else nobody would get any sleep! lol

 

[Jennbear]

I do it occasionally when he won't settle in the early hours and I want more sleep. I did admit it to my HV and she said the same, sometimes you have to do what you can do to get sleep. She said I was aware of the risks and scored low on all the other risk factors i.e neither of us smoke, take drugs and haven't been drinking when we've done it.

 

[brokenbits]

I remember for the first 6-8 weeks I often fell asleep with DS on my chest, it was the only way he'd sleep but I never revealed that to my MW or HV.

 

[lysh]

Not at first, then I admitted it and received a lecture about SIDS.

 

[maisie78]

At the moment we bed share full time, it's the only way we and lo get any sleep. I wouldn't have admitted it tbh but oh came straight out with it the last time hv came To her credit she just asked if anyone had advised us about safety when bed sharing and when we said yes she didn't mention it again. She knows we're having a tough time at the moment though.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I have only recently started bed sharing but if if been bed sharing from the start then no I probably wouldn't have told my midwife or health visitor as they really stressed to me the importance of baby being in their own sleeping space. They scared me so much about it and I just wish if done research on it earlier!

 

[Sproglet]

I told my breastfeeding advisor, she just showed me a leaflet on safer bed sharing- things like LO should only sleep next to mum, make sure they can't fall out, beware of duvets etc.

 

[My_First]

Weirdly (or no so) I was encouraged from hospital to bed share by the midwives.

 

[Arcanegirl]

My midwife knew, she saw out bed setup several times and never said a word. HV doesnt know, she hasnt asked.

 

[Tacey]

I told my HV. My usual one came for the visit with a trainee who said "And you don't have him in bed with you do you?" I grinned, and said "I know that you advise against it." The trainee was a bit dumbstruck and my HV laughed

I think exuding confidence is a good way of stopping unwanted comments.

 

[Leids]

I have a don't ask, don't tell mentality about it. My pediatrician has never asked how or where he sleeps, so I've never told him that he sleeps with me.

 

[summer rain]

With my three eldest the MWs and HVs encouraged it, with my youngest they didn't but just assumed he sleeps in his carrycot. The BF support team locally do recommend it though and give out leaflets on safe bed sharing xx

 

[Eala]

My midwife in hospital was fairly balanced - "We recommend they sleep in their own cot/bassinet in your room, but if you wish to bed-share here is how to do it safely..." Which I thought was good. My old HV didn't even ask and I didn't profer the info (didn't feel it was relevant to anything) and I've only seen my new HV once anyway! We only tend to bedshare in the mornings now when I bring her in for a feed anyway, as she is in her own room (we were waking each other up constantly as she got older).

 

[ImmysMom]

No one has ever asked and i've never offered the information. We've full time bed shared since birth as LO just would not sleep any other way. I'm now confident in my decision and if asked would be open and honest...as a very tired, emotional, new mom i'm not sure I would have had the confidence.

Most people I know have bed shared at some point with their baby; but they are all too worried about the HV's opinion to openly admit it to a health professional. Personally, I don't find the current stance on bed sharing particularly user friendly as it almost makes bed sharing taboo - therefore, lots of new parents are too afraid of others opinions and will often bed share in a less than ideal way (I was told as I left the hospital with LO 'that under no circumstances was I to have her in bed with me). I think that if it was 'normalised' then parents could have a open discussion about it and better understand how to do it safely...just my thoughts.

 

[dizz]

They're VERY forceful in the co-sleeping is bad message around here (I heard them yelling at women who'd fallen asleep holding their newborns on the maternity ward on more than one occasions) - no one's ever asked, I've never said anything other than "yes we've got her cot in our room"... quite whether she was IN her cot, or whether her cot was attached to our bed or whatever was information I never volunteered.

 

[KatOro]

I admitted to letting my daughter sleep with us when I needed the sleep. Nursing was much easier this way. I was terrified to squish her or for her to fall out of bed so I got one of these.
https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Delight-Snuggle-Nest-White/dp/B004LKS0HK

Check this list out too. I believe in full disclosure with docs/midwives. I want them to know exactly how life is so they can provide the best possible care. It's not their place to judge but to provide us with information. Maybe if they know you are doing it responsibly they will not be as quick to react negatively.

https://safebedsharing.org/safetyguidelines.html

 

[aliss]

My midwives know I bedshare from day 1, and I told them before he was even born.

They didn't care, they all did the same thing themselves anyways. Where I live, midwifery is very very new (15 students per year in a province of millions) and the only women who take the program are those who abide by rather.... 'alternative' philosophies.

They are supposed to recommend the standard advice but it wasn't even an issue.

 

[Bunnikins]

No i didnt admit it

Dunno why though, its none of their business really!

 

[polaris]

No I wouldn't mention it! Our public health nurses tend to be quite conservative and I'd rather just avoid the confrontation. I also didn't mention that I did baby-led weaning with Thomas as I didn't think she would have heard of it, I just smiled and nodded when she handed me the leaflet about purees.