Didn't feel like being in the same room as the pregnant woman

[Armywife84]

Infertility is such a curse.

So there's this girl's night my friend was trying to organize tonight with me, her, a friendly Minnesota girl, and this pregnant chick (who has been smoking throughout her pregnancy). I politely declined explaining that I would feel uncomfortable around the pregnant one, especially knowing that she still smokes with a baby growing inside her. That just disgusts me, I HATE people who take their pregnancy for granted. Anyways, I was hoping my friend would understand since she has PCOS but isn't trying due to some issues in her marriage. Instead she got a little frustrated with me. I explained to her that I'm not in a good place with this infertility struggle. The longer it goes on, the harder it gets. Also, don't feel like spending the evening feeling uncomfortable and slightly upset.

Today she sent me a text saying that she wants me to come over for pizza and beer with girls. But I didn't attend because she left out that she invited the pregnant one. I feel bad for not attending, but I'm just trying to avoid an upsetting situation. Am I a crap friend?

 

[lizzywiz]

You are NOT, NOT, NOT being a bad friend. First of all, you were honest and also took responsibility for not being in a good place. Secondly, a girls night out is not an emergency event and your friend should politely accept your decline. And a good friend? well, she would understand and not put you in this situation to begin with!
Now I am mad for you!

 

[LizMcD]

You are definitely not a bad friend, you explained your (very good) reasons and your friend should understand. Esp because of the pregnant woman smoking, disgusting! Makes me sick when ladies like us are struggling to get pregnant!!

Maybe point out to your friend you would like to meet up with her alone for a gals night, so she knows it not personal.

I cancelled on my friends drink last weds cos i couldn't face it after our hosp appointment had upset me and they understood (no pregnant women present, just a mum of twins who talks about them a lot!).

Good friends won't judge you, but be there for you
xx

 

[Soili]

You're not a bad friend, but I'm not surprised your friend didn't understand you well enough. No one can understand the heartbreak of LTTTC, unless they felt it themselves.

 

[Armywife84]

See I know I can't go on avoiding procreation like the plague, but I don't want to see it anymore than I have to.

I am surprised my friend didn't understand, seeing as she's facing infertility herself. Although the big difference between me and her is she's already mentally convinced herself that she's not going to be able to have children and doesn't care to actively try each month like I am. So she's not on the LTTC bandwagon.

I'm rather upset with her, because she knows I wouldn't want to be around the pregnant one due to what I'm going through. Then again, I'm not because she doesn't know what it's like to LTTC. Hopefully, we'll get thru this if we're that good of friends. Which I thought we were.

 

[Tnkrbell15]

ArmyWife,

Don't let your friend bring you down. Like everyone else said, you went about declining the right way. It's her own problem if she cannot accept that, and if she cannot...then she doesn't deserve your friendship.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Oh hun don't beat yourself up about it

I am getting so nasty and bitter with this whole TTC lark that I resent ALL pregnant women and even find myself really disliking badly behaved children. I don't like the bitterness LTTC has brought out in me but don't really know how to deal with it so can completely relate to how your feeling now hun

 

[honeybee2]

your not a bad friend hun but even though its killing you (its killing me too) try not to let your fertility struggle interfere with your friends. They're there to help you through it, I know a pregnant lady was there but she shouldn't be shunned because she's pregnant and your not. I hope that doesn't sound harsh (im not trying to be

I lost friends because I was so bitter towards them for having kids, when I lost them I realised that they were more important that my misery xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I do agree with Honey to a point but I think it works both ways. If a pregnant friend knows your situation and takes this into consideration then there is no reason this should effect your friendship, but if they know your situation and say inappropriate things or constantly complain about their pregnancy then perhaps they are not such great friends after all.

My best friend fell pregnant last year whilst aware of our ttc issues but because she never made me feel inferior it didn't effect our friendship in the slightest. When we lost sprout last year she was almost to term and I know she worried about how to interact with me but she did a fantastic job by just acting normal and I will always love her dearly for that.

 

[Armywife84]

your not a bad friend hun but even though its killing you (its killing me too) try not to let your fertility struggle interfere with your friends. They're there to help you through it, I know a pregnant lady was there but she shouldn't be shunned because she's pregnant and your not. I hope that doesn't sound harsh (im not trying to be

I lost friends because I was so bitter towards them for having kids, when I lost them I realised that they were more important that my misery xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

I thought about trying to go over there and try to have a good time. But I'm glad I didn't because my husband saw the pregnant one step out to smoke...so I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue if I saw her do that. This girl isn't my friend, I don't even know her, just what my friend says about her.

I just mainly felt bad about being difficult...I really wasn't trying to be selfish, just trying to keep my sanity and stay as positive as I can in this TTC journey. Seeing a pregnant woman who smokes would have upset me. That would upset anyone who's LTTC #1.

 

[honeybee2]

I can totally understand that hun. My collegue at work is 12 weeks pregnant and it wasn't planned, she still smokes.