Difficult subject - OH has problems with ED, please help...

[ladycherry]

Hi all,

I posted this in the NTNP group but had no response so wonder if it's more appropriate here?

I've been off BC for well over a year but not conceived, I'm not over worried that there is anything wrong as I think the main reason is that we don't have enough sex and the reason for that is that my OH has gone off it and that's because he has trouble keeping an erection. Its ok if i give him oral but penetration just stops it. This has been going on a long time, he says he's past it, can't imagine having a sex life again, doesn't even feel in the mood for it these days.

I don't want to go into the full story but we have been through major stresses over the years this problem has been in our lives so I know the reason. Although it does bloody hurt as I feel so unsexy and undesirable that my self esteem has also taken a bashing, what if I'm the problem.....but it's worse for him as he says he doesn't feel like a man anymore.

So has anyone else been through this? It's such a taboo subject, I don't want to discuss it with him too much as that makes him feel even worse but we can't continue ignoring it. We want a child but tbh I want our old sex life just as much. I've read some women artificially inseminate themselves when their OH's have cum but I'm not doing that, don't want my child conceived that way personally. Would Viagra be the easiest option? I've read about maca root being very successful so could try that, anyone have experience if this? I just want him to be his old horny self, I hate it being like this.

He's 40 and fairly fit and healthy as far as we know.

I love him very much and am really stuck at how to deal with this? Think I'm going to say I'm going back on the pill so he can forget the conceiving which may take the pressure off?

Help, this is so difficult!

 

[Lubbird]

No idea really as i've not experienced this. Could he go see his GP? Maybe try some of the methods you researched too. I would imagine he's feeling very down so I would try to stay positive and support him as best you can

 

[ladycherry]

Hi there,

Thanks for responding, I have to say I'm really surprised no one else has as I know this isn't that uncommon. Goes to show how taboo a subject it is I suppose.

We have had a good chat about it this weekend, bless him he is so lovely and it took a lot for him to talk about it. Think he might need antidepressants so is going to the doctors about it, unfortunately that probably won't be helpful with the ED so the doc may end up prescribing something for that too.

I've suggested going back on the pill so that the baby pressure (as little as I have given) will be off his mind but he didn't want me to do that.

Lets see what this week brings hey.

I've been a member of this site for a long time but was too embarrassed to post under my normal name.

 

[pinkhope]

Lady, I'm very sorry you're going through this, and also sorry that you felt too embarrassed to post under your regular name. I think this is a more common issue than you would think.

We are dealing with a similar issue, husband has a VERY low sex drive. My self esteem has basically plummeted because of it. It's like he has no interest in being intimate with me what-so-ever. Very frustrating and causing a lot of stress. I know he loves me, and I love him with all of my heart- leaving my marriage will never be an option as I take my vows to both him and to God very seriously. In all other aspects of our marriage, things are great. Just this one little part of our marriage drives me absolutely insane.

I would suggest trying the Maca Root first-only because of the side effects/risks of Viagra, where Maca is natural. I actually just ordered Maca Root as well as Fertility Blend for Men about 10 mins ago for him to try. Will let you know how it works out.

 

[Lubbird]

I think talking about it is great idea. Any problem we can share with another seems less stressful with their help and support, and less shameful too (not that it is shameful, but I would imagine he feels that way).

Good luck to you and your OH hun, I hope you find a solution that makes you both happy x

 

[ladycherry]

Lady, I'm very sorry you're going through this, and also sorry that you felt too embarrassed to post under your regular name. I think this is a more common issue than you would think.

We are dealing with a similar issue, husband has a VERY low sex drive. My self esteem has basically plummeted because of it. It's like he has no interest in being intimate with me what-so-ever. Very frustrating and causing a lot of stress. I know he loves me, and I love him with all of my heart- leaving my marriage will never be an option as I take my vows to both him and to God very seriously. In all other aspects of our marriage, things are great. Just this one little part of our marriage drives me absolutely insane.

I would suggest trying the Maca Root first-only because of the side effects/risks of Viagra, where Maca is natural. I actually just ordered Maca Root as well as Fertility Blend for Men about 10 mins ago for him to try. Will let you know how it works out.

Hi there,

I completely feel the same, I feel so unattractive because my own boyfriend doesn't really want sex with me very often, it hurts a lot and I must admit I find sex massively important in a relationship. So does he which is why he is willing to get help. Although its Wednesday today and he's not made an appointment yet, then it's bank holiday so it's next week at the earliest now.

I love him so much, I'd never leave him over it but it's a big missing piece of our relationship puzzle! It tends to upset me more around ovulation time (I don't monitor anymore but I kind of know when about) I'm always feeling more sexual and I notice he isn't. He's written himself off and it's so hard to see, he's a very intelligent, sexy man but he just cannot see it

I've had my order of organic maca root capsules arrive today, not entirely sure how to broach the subject again, I'd almost like him to take them without knowing what they are so I can get a real idea of if they work or if it's a placebo - either way would be nice but it would be interesting! Plus if he knows he might feel even more under pressure.

 

[ladycherry]

I think talking about it is great idea. Any problem we can share with another seems less stressful with their help and support, and less shameful too (not that it is shameful, but I would imagine he feels that way).

Good luck to you and your OH hun, I hope you find a solution that makes you both happy x

I think it's a massive taboo for men, women can be more open, I've had friends tell me they are gagging for it or not remotely bothered from one month to the next - blokes don't do that.

I hope it works out too, at this point in time I want a sex life as much if not more than a baby.