Dilemma

[ladywife]

Hello WTT sisters, I'm having a dilemma. Things are almost right to start TTC but we're being held back for a few reasons and it's driving me craaaazy.

Dh has said we can start trying as soon as I quit smoking and I'm totally on board with that, I want to be as healthy as possible for baby. But my problem is that I'm currently extremely stressed out and very dissatisfied with my current job. I'm a preschool teacher and this year has been super hard on me, every day I leave work not only do I feel like crawling into a blanket and hibernating and or sobbing straight for the next 6 months, I also expend 100% of my energy both mentally and physically every day that I'm there to where I'm literally a zombie every day. While I had been down to only a few smokes a day, I'm now way back up because of stress. I'm also coming down sick every other week now too.

The preschool has made certain changes this year that have made all the difference in the quality of work there and have made it clear they'd rather skrimp on their budget than provide teachers the quality and appreciation they deserve. Well, what if I find anothet job? I'm living over seas and that isn't exactly very easy. I don't necessarily need to work and I always knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mommy, but my in laws put a lot of pressure on me to stay employed even if I'm miserable doing it.

So my dilemma is this, continue working in a toxic environment or quit and stay at home to focus on getting healthy to TTC. If I stay at home I'm afraid life will become a little meaningless, I don't have many friends and my driving license hasn't been issued yet. I don't want to go stir crazy. At the same time, I don't want to possibly start a new job and then have to deal with my first pregnancy and potential maternity leave.

Sorry for such a long post, it turned into a vent after I started. Advice anyone? I'm getting so depressed, I feel like I'm stuck and I can't figure out which way to go.

 

[ellina]

Aww , working in a toxic/draining environment is the worst.

As for the in laws... at the risk of sounding blunt, who the heck cares what they think?? I mean, I get it, it's important to keep things friendly with the in laws. But choosing their opinion over your mental health? No way.

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. If you decide to leave your job, are there volunteer opportunities near where you are?

 

[ladywife]

Thanks for your response ellina! I don't really care too much except they're a huge part of my life and my husband's culture, we see them at least once a week and I don't particularly enjoy hearing them gripe over how i should be working. Not a huge issue but I adore them and for whatever reason I want to make them proud. I think I'm at the point where I just need to do what's right for me though...

I'm not sure if there's any volunteer opportunities.. but I'll definitely look into it.

Thanks again... it felt good to vent and get a response about it lol!

 

[ellina]

When you put it that way, it's kinda sweet that you want to make them proud. My in laws are also heavily involved in my life (and it's also partly a cultural thing). They're wonderful, and though they're overbearing in their own way, I'm lucky that they're completely non-judgmental.

I hope you find a solution that works for both your family and your own well-being!

 

[kksy9b]

sometimes venting a bit can really help relieve some of that stress. Honestly, in your shoes, I would stay where you are while you start looking for a new job. Being in that stressful environment is unhealthy for your physical, emotional and mental health. I wouldn't worry too much about maternity leave with a new job. Right now, the most important issue is getting you in a place that allows you to quit smoking and is a healthy place for you to be pregnant in. Babies are greatly affected by stress in utero and when they come out. Number one priority is to care for yourself so that you are able to care for a LO. And while your in laws are important, you have to trust your own intuition and do what is best for you. Maybe ait down and explain it to them? So they understand a bit better.

Best of luck!

 

[Jaxie086]

I agree, forget what your in-laws say. If you're too stressed, you might have more difficulty trying to conceive anyway. So, I would suggest doing whatever would help relieve some of that stress. Maybe that might mean quitting your job and doing something else. Are you just waiting for your license to arrive or do you need to take a driving test?
Since you are in a situation where you don't necessarily need to work, and you're ultimate goal is to be a stay at home mommy (I'm in the same boat) I would suggest considering what it would be like for you if you quit your job, wait/test for your license, then maybe find a different part time job, and focused on ttc.
Sending you lots of happy vibes and wishing you all the best!!!