Dna drama!

[jaytee146]

My ex has been never laid eyes on our soon to be one month old. He called me the day I gave birth to my daughter and we exchanged words... Eventually I called him and he tells me at first that he refused to see her and to take a dna test ( he know's i'm pushing for child support) he called back later that evening and said he doesn't want to come around with out a dna test and he wanted me to foot the bill. So after research I found a home test that has legal standing and after I purchase it.. he called the following day and claims that I want him to be my child's father and that i'll probably switch the test.. so he says well... we can meet at a dna testing facility and test... I say why did you agree to take the test and I pay for it and all of a sudden you can't do it... so he later tells me he has the money and can go today.. I said okay let's go and of course there's another excuse! now he wants to wait until wed. I know there will be another excuse.. which is why I"ve already gotten the application for child support and I"m waiting on my little girls social to come in so i could send it off... and when we talked he talked about how he'd moved on and wanted to know" if another penis had entered my private area." after I used some colorful language and told him where to go and how what i do is none of his business.. I kept saying that our main concern is our daughter and he was very insistant on telling me how he'd moved on.. and I said you probably moved on but you can't move on from our f***ing daughter!

He makes me so freaking angry I don't know what to do with myself! I'm tired of dealing with him, and he wanted to get all angry because i didn't tell him he could come to the birth of my daughter! SERIOUSLY!

 

[Laura2919]

Dya know what. If he doesnt want to be a part of your childs life then he is a complete and utter waste of time... I wouldnt even bother with him anymore...

 

[jessrabbit]

ooooo its so frustrating, my FOB keeps telling me how he is a single lad and can do what he likes and seems obsessed with the idea that I want a relationship with him. I feel like I am constantly banging my head of a brick wall trying to make him understand that all I want is for him to have a relationship with LO, which in turn means it will be easier if we can have a friendship and get along.

But somehow that translates to him as I want to be with you... I DONT

Maybe they are all deaf and need hearing aids??? xx

 

[dustbunny]

I'd turn the tables and just say "fine, don't bother then but you'll be the one regretting this later in life." And leave it like that, if he wants to be a part of your child's life then let him prove it as you have tried so hard from your side of things. And, as you say, it is none of his business if you have slept with someone after you two broke up... there is a stark difference between being a part of your life for the sake of the baby and actually being in your life for the social aspect.
And... the pregnancy and birth is default a womans prerogative, if you didn't want him there then the only question he should be asking is why? And to the answer, he needs only to look at his actions. Hope that helps

 

[jaytee146]

today is the day We're suppose to meet and take the test. i'm going back and forth on whether i should call him just to get his excuse noted or should i just leave it at that and mail my paper off for child support. he may not want to be here but he's going to pay! the reason why he wasn't invited is because he had\has a drinking problem, and was verbally and physically abusive at time's while we were together i didn't realize how truly lucky i was when he kicked me out. instead like a dummy i kept messing with him. i use to have nightmare's about him and from time to time i still do. if he wanted to be apart of her life he could only see her while i'm around he wouldn't be allowed to take her without me. i don't trust first off that he'd stay sober watching my child and second he'd probably drop her off somewhere and i'm not having that! as a child i was raped by a family member and i'm very guarded over my baby. i won't even let my mom change her without me being around.

 

[Laura2919]

I'd just send off the paperwork.

 

[babybambi2011]

i heard somewere that through csa you can get dna testing and they will charge the childs father if hes the one protesting it. i would just send off the paper work, and if he tells them hes not the father, then they will sort it out for you. that way you dont have to talk to him..... im only assuming they can do it.... im not 100% sure but im sure if there is a problem, they will want to make sure that the father is the one paying his way.

hope it works out for you xx

 

[jaytee146]

as i expected i didn't hear from him through text or phone call. sending the papers off when the post office opens

 

[mkm1083]

- I will never understand why men fight paternity when they know a child is theirs.

(Forgive me ladies. I do seem to have a bit of anger built up inside me today.)

 

[BabySeal]

I went through my county CSEA and applied for child support and they will do the DNA testing there (free in my county) and they handle it all. Many of the CSEA offices offer it as one of their general services along with child support establishment.

If you go through them they will schedule him an appointment and if he doesn't show then he has to take it up with the county, so it is more official KWIM?

My FOB said he wouldnt go take the test because he didnt have time (psh), yet funny how when it is the government telling him to come in then he did. And here, after not showing to 2 appointments with them it goes to the courts and they automatically assign paternity, since they didnt find it necessary to prove otherwise.

Hope everything works out !!

 

[carlyjade86]

My Ex refused to take ownership for my DS when he was born - even though we'd got back togetha before he was born!
I didn't want him to have a DNA test, my attitude was 'if u don't believe me, ur loss. I don't have to prove anything to u'.
He pulled a home DNA testing kit out on me when DS was about 3mths old. I relented and did the test. Only took swabs from him and DS. Test results come back 3wks later confirming I'd told the truth all along!
WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!
I've had 8 yrs of grief from this fella now, ever since I found out I was pregnant and its nver got better!! Yes he see's DS, but that's only to try and annoy me. I get 28 measly quid a week and he contributes to NOTHING else!!
If I could do my time again, I would've cut ties from the moment I found out I was pregnant!
My OH is more of a father than DS's father has ever been!
If ur ex is a tw@ stay clear. Ur daughter will likely be better off without him! If he's not willing to put the effort in, HIS LOSS!!

 

[jaytee146]

Thanks carly, I think after the failed attempt on thursday i've change my mind. he know's she's here and that's all that matters. since i went through the government they'll probably try to contact him but i'm not anymore

 

[carlyjade86]

Its hard, I know full well how hard it is! But u shouldn't have to force or fight any1 to be involved. Bless u. Wish it was different for u, but ur all ur baby needs.

It was some years ago but I did lookin into the CSA stuff when I was pregnant and its my understanding that if he is denying ur daughter, they'll do a test and if he's not the father, they'll pay. If he is, they'll bill him. Couldve changed since then!

Stay strong chick. U don't need him