Do I belong in NTNP?

[Lara310809]

I've been pretty confused for the past few months because I am desperate for another baby, my husband wants one too, but the finances are scaring him off. If it weren't for finances, he'd want another. BTW I don't mean finances NOW, I mean future finances - uni fees etc. but I know we can raise the money between now and then, so I don't see it as an issue

For 8 years we used the withdrawal method effectively, then we had our daughters (both planned), and now, because my husband doesn't want to TTC, were using the withdrawal method again. Because I'm breastfeeding the birth control I can take is very limited, and he's very lazy with using condoms. But now he's also very lazy about withdrawing, and this month we DTD around ovulation twice without withdrawing - HIS choice. Because I'm so desperate for another baby I'm letting him dictate how safe we are when DTD, and he's choosing to be lazy, when in the past we managed 8 years without any slip-ups

My head is messed up because he said I couldn't have another baby, yet he's being so lax with protection. I'm happy to get pregnant, and he would want the baby, but logic tells him we shouldn't. I'm now in the 2WW, and he knows we're in with a chance, and he seems to be fine with the possibility of another baby, YET he's not prepared to TTC like we did in the past.

Are we NTNP? What would you call it?

 

[LadyMorgan]

Sounds to me like you belong here- you are not using birth control, at least not consistently, and you are not driving yourself and your partner crazy with trying to maximize your chances to conceive using charting, temping, ovulation kits, etc.

It also sounds to me that your husband has mixed feelings about another baby. If he knows that you want another baby and that you are not on any sort of birth control and that he is "supposed" to pull out if he doesn't want to chance it...and he doesn't pull out...well, action speak louder than words.

 

[Lara310809]

That's what I thought - he does want another child but he thinks logically. I give him solutions for everything but he still worries about it. He even said to my eldest this evening "do you want another baby brother or sister?" - he just doesn't act like the guy that doesn't want more kids. But in the meantime I'm driving myself mad wondering if its ever going to happen. He gave me a flat-out "no" a couple of months ago, so to go from that to this is so confusing; and heartbreaking sometimes because I get myself so wrapped up in the idea that I'm pregnant and then I get my period. It's exhausting :/

 

[essie0828]

I can totally relate. My situation is very similar. I basically do what you have done and put dh in control of the bc, he can wear condoms, pull out, track my cycles whatever he wants. He's capable of preventing. But I still symptom spot and test a lot. Nerve wracking a bit. But kinda fun in a way to.

 

[essie0828]

I also think it makes sex more exciting for him if he chooses to roll the dice (not pull out)

 

[sausages]

I think that they just don't think about these things as much as we do! I over think everything to the point where i have to have a plan for when i would like to get pregnant with our next baby, and i have tried to draw DH into a conversation about it, but he just says no or laughs or says he would have another one "for me".

We are using withdrawal and there have been times where he has not pulled out when he should have done and he knows it's all on him. He knows i would like another baby and for me it is getting closer and closer to the ideal time for me to get pregnant again according to my plan.

So my current mindset is that i don't say anything. lol! I make the odd joke about another baby and make sure he knows i do want another, but only in very occasional, very light hearted passing conversation.

He got so sick of TTC before and hated the whole charting and stressing part of it. Last time i got pregnant it happened the first cycle and he even said that he was looking forward to more sex and it happened too soon (men!)

So in my over thinking, baby obsessed mind i am wondering if he really does want another, but is hoping for an accident to take the choice out of his hands. He knows i want more sex around O time, partly because i am hoping for an oops, and he knows that if he uses better contraception i might not be so keen. Not sure if this part is true, but i read into his supposed thoughts too much!

He's made it very clear he would be over the moon with another baby by accident, but i would never engineer an oops. He knows this, so i think he is just taking all the sex he can get and just gradually getting slacker at the ole trigger... which is fine by me.

 

[Lara310809]

LOL that sounds like me. If I know I'm ovulating I'm happy to initiate sex, but I leave the decision (withdrawing or not) up to him. I want it to be his choice, even thoughI know what I want I don't ever want him to think I've trapped him though; I never lie about my AF etc so he knows all the info