Do some ppl just not 'get it?

[celine]

I love my friends I do, but for the millionth time I am using cloth so i dont need to take advantage of the Pampers specials! She keeps telling me about it and I keep saying its ok I dont ever need to buy nappies. ever. (well maybe if there is a great special on c&c or if I have a little girl one day...)
I have a few packs in reserve and wanat to give it to her and
she says oh you can save it for the next one *sigh*

Also got lectured about how to mash all of lo's food to spoon feed him b4 giving him finger foods and to put cereal in his bottle.
He.doesnt.take.a.bottle....boob only!!! and he is over one and eats fine on his own *rolls eyes*

 

[littlestar]

I know people like that too - It's makes you wonder doesn't it!

 

[Eala]

I suppose it's like anything, really. There seems to be a certain type of person, who gets it into their head that the way they do things is the "only right way", and anyone who does things differently is, at best, an idiot, at worst, a "bad parent"

 

[Abigailly]

I think it tends to be ignorance, I gave my friends a 'nappy demo' and now they are all over to the bright side!!

 

[celine]

I was whining about this to my dh cos honestly my opi nion is I dont claim to be the perfect mummy no one is but we all do our best in our own way when it comes to our kids but her kid is a year older than mine still on 2 bottles (with cereal at night) still gets purred food before finger foods to eat, still not eating on his own and in the process of potty-trainning and I feel like...dont critisize my way of parenting when im not going to crit yours!

 

[littlestar]

i'm guessing by the comments tone there's no physical reason as to why he can't do those things. except the protestation from the child or laziness of the parents. A 2 & 1/2 year old still on purees!

 

[lynnikins]

OMG who does she think she iscritising you when she is still giving an over 2 yr old purrees !!, and well bottles i still have friends who give their 2 yrolds ( same birth club as Nate ) bottles and i feel like making them drink out of the bottle sometimes, esp as Nate and a few others the same age are drinking out of normal adult cups and all feeding themselves

 

[aob1013]

 

[pinkclaire]

I find most of my friends are intrigued by my nappies, I've converted a few before they've even fell pregnant lol. It's the baby led weaning thing I get the most comments about. My mum tries to spoon feed him which he hates cos she can't stand the mess and yesterday he was feeding himself scrambled egg very nicely I might add when we were out and a man came up to him and went oh my goodness look at the mess (it really wasn't messy, he just had it all over his hands naturally!) James cried cos he thought he was telling him off! Why can't people just let children feed themselves? I don't see why it's such a big deal?

 

[cleckner04]

My Inlaws took a while to understand. I finally had to get the cloth diapers out and show them exactly how I use them and it was like a light went on in their heads.

2 year old on puree's...

 

[eeyore007]

It's funny because I've had problems with BLW int hat my mum was sceptical and non supportive. Then only a few weeks in I find her telling my aunt about how Frances can eat broccoli, etc etc. Made me laugh. She's now only 10 months (just) and for meals we just have her at the table, she eats her food, we eat ours and life is sweet. I even had a little lunch meeting about some work I was doing with her there, and the lady who we were meeting with was really taken back.
The one though that always gets me is the sterilizer. Some one will ask - do you sterilize her forks / bowls etc. I'll say no - haven't ever used a sterilizer. Eh? Get's some very puzzled looks.
Bless my mum though - she's come right round now. (or given in!!!).
Whatever we do though (BFing, BLWing, Cloth nappies, rearfacing etc etc) we are still in the minority and like anything odd, people will always either not get it, try to persuade us their way is right, ridicule etc . . . I suppose it's so they don't have to examine why they themselves didn't put any thought into their methods and just followed the herd. Let's face it - society is generally geared up for bottle fed, puree munching pamper bottomed babies. The rest is well, odd.
Your friend is probably a victim of the brainwashing and I suppose thinks she's doing you a favour by letting you know about the nappies. Perhaps you should get rid of the pampers you have (or hide them) just to get the point accross?

PS - puree at 2. EH???????????????? Poor little sod - missing out on all the fun of food.

 

[Eala]

I suppose it's so they don't have to examine why they themselves didn't put any thought into their methods and just followed the herd. Let's face it - society is generally geared up for bottle fed, puree munching pamper bottomed babies. The rest is well, odd.

I do agree with you that there are certain (how can I put this?) societal norms. I would say that these norms change hugely based on a large number of factors, including age, where you live, what support you have around you, etc... If your support network consists of people who do things a certain way, then you are perhaps more likely to do things that way too, it's true. This could be particularly true if there is no support or information around you to make someone think of other options.

I have to admit to being a bit miffed at your choice of words here, though. I formula fed, and certainly wasn't "following the herd". I assure you that I (and probably the majority of mums who FF!) put a lot of time, thought, and often extreme heartache into our decision, and to be written off as "Following the herd" is really quite insulting.

I know a Mum who considered cloth nappies, then decided against it after carefully weighing up all the pros and cons for *her* family situation. Was she "following the herd" too?

I appreciate there will be situations where Mums perhaps do seem to be going along with what the "societal norm" (whatever you perceive that to be is). However it's wrong to assume that they are doing so because they haven't the brains to do otherwise.

 

[celine]

I know what you mean Eala - to clear up I do respect what each mothers choice is the way everyone raises their baby is how they see fit but I just get annoyed when I dont judge her use of purress etc at 2 cant she not judge my way at 15 months?

 

[Eala]

My post totally wasn't aimed at you, just the bit I quoted of Eeyore's post

I'm 100% with you on the non-judging front. I really try very hard to not judge anyone for their parenting choices. We all do what works best for us as parents, and I don't think anyone has the right to look down on someone else, just because they choose to parent differently.

I really really hate the way people present their way as the only way, which is how your friend is acting towards you! You are being courteous towards her, she isn't showing you the same regard, which must be so infuriating

 

[eeyore007]

I suppose it's so they don't have to examine why they themselves didn't put any thought into their methods and just followed the herd. Let's face it - society is generally geared up for bottle fed, puree munching pamper bottomed babies. The rest is well, odd.

I do agree with you that there are certain (how can I put this?) societal norms. I would say that these norms change hugely based on a large number of factors, including age, where you live, what support you have around you, etc... If your support network consists of people who do things a certain way, then you are perhaps more likely to do things that way too, it's true. This could be particularly true if there is no support or information around you to make someone think of other options.

I have to admit to being a bit miffed at your choice of words here, though. I formula fed, and certainly wasn't "following the herd". I assure you that I (and probably the majority of mums who FF!) put a lot of time, thought, and often extreme heartache into our decision, and to be written off as "Following the herd" is really quite insulting.

I know a Mum who considered cloth nappies, then decided against it after carefully weighing up all the pros and cons for *her* family situation. Was she "following the herd" too?

I appreciate there will be situations where Mums perhaps do seem to be going along with what the "societal norm" (whatever you perceive that to be is). However it's wrong to assume that they are doing so because they haven't the brains to do otherwise.

Eh? Why are you insulted? I'm miffed now too as by making an informed choice you simply can't be the herd. Let me put it differently. You are a formula feeding mum who tried alternatives - or were aware of the alternatives - i.e., formula wasn't the only choice, perhaps a necessary one though. I'm talking about those who simply don't look at alternatives. Your friend too who considered the nappies is also not a herd follower as it was an informed (and researched) choice. Perhaps it's a demographics thing as where I live I am the ONLY breastfeeding mum at the baby clubs I go to. I am also the ONLY cloth nappy user. I'm not surrounded by a group who have even explored these as other options and really do take the attitude that I really am some knid of odd ball and a bit crazy because (I quote) 'everyone knows formula is better as it's got loads of minerals and stuff'.

A lot of women don't use these types of forums and without them (unless they had an actual example) how would they know that stuff existed - or indeed even have it enter their heads that there are alternatives and go away and research them? TV and other media presents a very limited view - breastmilk is best, but ooooh, look at our lovely powder milk - without serious support (I only got mine here) I would have gone down that route. However, I took the time to try my damn hardest. I know there are barriers for feeding, but people will either give up or will come somewhere like here and try to make it work with support - herd followers wouldn't even bother - indeed the women I know at the baby group - lovely as they are - once had a discussion on how irritating it was that their milk came in. (i.e., they bottle fed from day 1, for no other reason than it simply isn't normal in their eyes). Then BLW - didn't know it existed. I thought you made your own puree and that was the best you could do. Only being somewhere like here do you get exposed to it and can then make the choice. Again, some people simply don't bother to look at the alternatives. Same with nappies. I know cloth is pushed by some local councils, but again you've got to have a willingness and interest to explore it further. A herd followers debate on nappies would go as far as which disposable is best, rather than even look at cloth - or as I've experienced - taking the 'p'.

The herd therefore are those that simply take everything they are given as read, make no effort to go looking for alternatives, and these are the type of people that I've had most comments from regarding just about everything I do.

You simply aren't the herd as you are informed, as is your friend - but it's self-informed - that's what sets you, me, your friend, apart from the crowd.

The herd I'm afraid still exists and is still going strong!

 

[Eala]

With your explanation, I now understand what you were trying to say in your first post, thanks for clearing that up. The number of times this week I've come across people telling me I'm an inferior mother for not BF-ing; I over-reacted to what I perceived as yet another dig - my apologies

I think what I'm trying to get at is... Why is it bad that people do what is familiar, if they are happy with it? Why should those Mums be judged? We hate being judged, so why is it ok to do it back?

I see people getting so worked up about other Mums not doing this that or the next thing, whether that is BF-ing, TW/BLW, cloth nappies or whatever. But why? I saw a post on another forum the other day where someone was getting all het up about FF mums who make "excuses" for not BF-ing. If that person took half the energy it took to write what was a very offensive post, and channelled it into campaigning for more support for new Mums when it came to BF-ing, then wouldn't that have been a more positive way of championing what she thinks is best? Rather than putting people's backs up?

If someone makes what they feel is the best choice *for them*, with the information which they have readily available, is that really such a bad thing? Do they deserve to be judged because they don't go on the internet and find out more? What about people who take what their HVs and GPs say as rote? Is trusting the judgement of a healthcare professional following the herd too?

Urgh, it's late, I'm hormonal, and my brain has gone to mush from far too much University work. I think I just have this dream where one day every loving parent will be able to find what works for their family, without someone else criticising them for either being different, or for not being different enough!