Do you and your partner....(minor rant)

[bky]

have different ideas of what you'll need for the baby and how you'll do things?


I'm running into this a lot lately, and it's not like I haven't been talking about what I want to do for ages. For instance our Moby wrap arrived today and sometime in the last week OH read some article about slings causing baby deaths. He talked to me at the time and I told him it's the bag style slings but he's still making grumpy noises about it. He'd rather have a backpack like one for some reason.
He also has some really different ideas on what we need to buy. I feel like I've been doing a lot of research and talking about it, but I guess he hasn't been paying that much attention. Today we were looking at carseats again and I was talking about wanting a convertible because I want something that's rearfacing for longer and has a 5 point restraint. He was talking about getting a baby capsule just for the baby to hang out in--not even to use in the car, which kind of left me scratching my head. I countered with, "well if you think that's necessary, we can just get a bouncer". I hadn't been planning on a bouncer (I'd never even seen one until I started looking at baby stuff), as I was planning on baby wearing, but I'm willing to be flexible.

He also kicked up a fuss over the Amby hammock. We bought that well over a year ago, before I was even pregnant with this one! Not much of a fuss, he just hadn't realized I intended the baby to actually sleep in it. I'm just kind of confused as to what I ought to be doing to communicate better.

For a lot of things I'm just talking about how I intend to do things, is that wrong? When talking about what I'm going to buy and why I give him the executive summary on the research I've done since he doesn't seem to have done much reading, but things like this keep popping up more and more.

At least he's on board with cloth nappies (though I did have to talk about them for nearly 2 years)! I had to twist his arm a bit on reusable wipes though.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal. This is really the first time I've felt any reason to whine about him during the pregnancy (and it's really minor), but is there any way to deal with this? Is this normal? Should I just keep on doing things as I see fit unless he comes up with a good reason not to?

I think it comes down to differences in methods we've seen other people using on babies they were raising. It's still a bit frustrating though. I guess I know there is going to be more of this.
Oh well, minirant over.

 

[calais]

have different ideas of what you'll need for the baby and how you'll do things?


I'm running into this a lot lately, and it's not like I haven't been talking about what I want to do for ages. For instance our Moby wrap arrived today and sometime in the last week OH read some article about slings causing baby deaths. He talked to me at the time and I told him it's the bag style slings but he's still making grumpy noises about it. He'd rather have a backpack like one for some reason.
He also has some really different ideas on what we need to buy. I feel like I've been doing a lot of research and talking about it, but I guess he hasn't been paying that much attention. Today we were looking at carseats again and I was talking about wanting a convertible because I want something that's rearfacing for longer and has a 5 point restraint. He was talking about getting a baby capsule just for the baby to hang out in--not even to use in the car, which kind of left me scratching my head. I countered with, "well if you think that's necessary, we can just get a bouncer". I hadn't been planning on a bouncer (I'd never even seen one until I started looking at baby stuff), as I was planning on baby wearing, but I'm willing to be flexible.

He also kicked up a fuss over the Amby hammock. We bought that well over a year ago, before I was even pregnant with this one! Not much of a fuss, he just hadn't realized I intended the baby to actually sleep in it. I'm just kind of confused as to what I ought to be doing to communicate better.

For a lot of things I'm just talking about how I intend to do things, is that wrong? When talking about what I'm going to buy and why I give him the executive summary on the research I've done since he doesn't seem to have done much reading, but things like this keep popping up more and more.

At least he's on board with cloth nappies (though I did have to talk about them for nearly 2 years)! I had to twist his arm a bit on reusable wipes though.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal. This is really the first time I've felt any reason to whine about him during the pregnancy (and it's really minor), but is there any way to deal with this? Is this normal? Should I just keep on doing things as I see fit unless he comes up with a good reason not to?

I think it comes down to differences in methods we've seen other people using on babies they were raising. It's still a bit frustrating though. I guess I know there is going to be more of this.
Oh well, minirant over.

I agree with you on the carseat. I think capsules are so pointless cos once they dont fit into them you need to buy a carseat anyway. I bought 2 reversible carseats when i was pregnant with my first so ill be using 1 for this baby.

It would be pretty boring for a baby to "hang out" in a capsule and they shouldnt be left in a capsule for hours anyway. Bouncers/rockers are great, i used one 1st time and will again. If he wants to spend money, why not invest in a swing? The fisher price papasan one is Fantastic !! Its a cradle swing.

Ive never really had this issue with my Oh, if anything its just always been about names. Although my partner can be abit of a show pony and wants the best of things but that was with our first, his eased back this time as he seen how much money went to waste with our first. They dont use all these things for long besides there carseats, prams and cots.

 

[lynnikins]

everything is trial and error on both sides at first with your first child, me and dh have issues about education for our DS but he mostly left me to it with baby stuff, asking questions if he felt he needed or wanted to know what something was or what it did, if your OH is so interested in research then find an article how baby capsule carseats arent that good for babies and that babies shouldnt be left in them, and hun you wont want to babywear 24/7 somtimes so a bouncer/rocker/swing is a good idea its also great for development and for them to be able to interact with adults without nessacarily being held all the time,

it does sound like you both need to sit down and talk through things when they come up so you know what each of you expect out of certain things and situations as you dont seem to be connecting too well on that front

 

[Tashry]

Hubby and I have had a few disagreements on what to purchase, but like anything else, we discussed the pros and cons of what each of us wanted and made a joint decision. And in the end, we both know that what type of bouncer we buy for our babies should not lead to a huge fight, so we do our best to agree and if all else fails he understands that I am the one home with the kids all day while he is at work, so if I think one product is more beneficial than another he usually trusts my judgment.

Do your best to compromise, but in the end count yourself lucky that you have a man who takes an interest, as opposed to who knows how many dads that couldn't give a you know what! (And I say that in the most loving way - not trying to sound rude).

 

[divadexie]

Sorry you'r having some different ideas

My OH is pretty much leaving it up to me.. I already have a son so I ''know what I'm doing apparently'' Lol!

Mind you i had made up lists etc and just told him we need this etc.

Though the one thing we have had slight arguments over is he seems to think it will be ok to make the assumption I can go find work a few months after LO arrives- firmly told him that I would find work when I felt I was ready and there is no way she will be going into nursery that early (no offence meant to people who do, jst my opinion)

 

[rainbows_x]

I am pretty much making all the decisions & try to involve OH as much as possible, he's happy with me making the decisions though as he thinks I know best lol.

 

[bbyno1]

my fob lets me do most the thinkin and decisions at the moment and hes happy with what iv decided so far but i think once the baby is here thats when hes gunna start having hes views..
i think il be the more 'strict' one and he'l be the more soft one lol x

 

[Sarahkka]

I wonder if he's just trying to assert himself a bit with all the decisions? Maybe if you are really conscious about asking him what he thinks about this carrier or that sling and then listening and talking to him about it, being very careful not to sound like you've already made up your mind? I wonder if that would make him less resistant to some of your ideas? It can be awkward for new dads. They want to be involved but they don't always know how, you know, so they just sort of randomly assert themselves.
You could try handing him some of your research and say that you haven't made up your mind about it and what does he think. Make him feel like he's making the decisions, too. Worth a try, maybe?