Do you ever have to leave your baby cry?

[Starlight32]

My baby is one month old and likes being held and I try to hold her as much as possible. Sometimes I have to use the bathroom, take out the trash, sterilize bottles, put clothes in the wash etc and have to set her down to cry for a bit, usually only a few minutes but sometimes it just feels like forever when she's crying. A sling/carrier isn't working for us right now.

Does anyone have this problem? I feel like a horrible mom

 

[Natasha2605]

Yep. I have three young girls who all need attention. She never needs to cry for long but at the end of the day we are a family of five and the world does not revolve around her.

I wouldn't feel bad. It's not like they're left to cry for fun.

 

[Starlight32]

I was wondering how moms with multiple children did it. Not sure if my baby cries more than 'normal' or I'm just too sensitive to crying.. I feel so alone. Thanks for replying

 

[sil]

Hi, I have 2 DS and I leave each to cry occasionally as I'm tending to the other child or doing a necessary chore as long as I know that their basic needs are met (not hungry, clean diaper, not hurt, etc). This does not make you a bad parent at all!

If you are very nervous about it, could you wear baby in a sling etc while doing chores?

 

[MindUtopia]

Don't feel horrible. Only you know what you need to do to make things work right now. That said, no I never left my daughter to cry. She was literally in the wrap or in someone's arms or sleeping next to me for 4 months straight. But the wrap was an absolute lifesaver and if you feel it isn't working for you, it might just be that you need some support with it, so a sling meet might be really helpful if you can get yourself out of the house to one, or you might just need to persist and keep trying until you figure it out, if you want to. When in doubt, a baby crying and upset in your arms or close to your body in a wrap is always better than one left to cry without you. Beyond using the toilet and feeding yourself though, most other stuff can wait until you have a second set of hands around to help. So plan the washing up, sterilising bottles, housework, etc. for when you have your partner or family or a friend around. Make sure you're eating and using the toilet, but leave the rest. It will get done eventually and this period doesn't last forever.

 

[mandy81]

When ryan was younger and OH went back to work i had to let him cry for a little bit because i have 2 other children.
I wouldn't let him cry if i was just sitting around doing nothing but then i wouldn't judge if others did xx

 

[ruby83]

Sometimes it has to be done. As long as she is not crying for long periods and always gets a hug after there is no harm done x

 

[jessmke]

I will leave Isla if she is fussing/whining if I have to go to the bathroom or something, but I typically don't leave her if she is full on crying, although that is just my personal preference and I wouldn't judge another mother if she did have to leave her crying baby. If Isla is having a tough day and is not content to entertain herself then on those days I don't usually get much done around the house. Isla is usually pretty happy in the ergo so if I need to clean or cook and she is fussy then I will put her on my back, but if that doesn't keep her happy then the cleaning/cooking/showering/laundry/dishes/etc waits until either my OH is home or Isla is napping. Isla isn't too much of a crier, so when she does cry it means something is really bothering her (usually teething) and so I don't want to leave her alone if she is obviously in some distress/discomfort.

 

[Taurus8484]

When you have more than 1 child its not an option to not let them cry for a minute if the other child/children needs you for a more important issue. I couldnt tell you the number of times DS2 just had to cry as DS1 needed to go to the toilet. Dont feel bad. As long as its not for a long period of time its fine.

 

[dani_tinks]

Yes, I mean it depends on the cry. If she's hysterical and there's a very clear problem i'll usually drop what i'm doing to make sure she's okay. But if she's just having a whinge I finish what i'm doing. When you have another child to look after too sometimes they have to wait.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Same as Dani - if Georgia is doing a full dropped lip sob I'll drop whatever I'm doing and comfort her, but if she's just whining/crying I'll finish what I'm doing, especially if that's something with my son. Xander has to wait so often now because Georgia needs feeding or changing etc so if I'm busy doing something with him G can wait a few minutes.

As natasha said the world doesn't revolve around her and it won't hurt her to wait a few minutes. Personally if G is having a fussy day I'll leave the dishes/washing or whatever and be with her but I know when I had Xander he was such a permanently fussy and demanding baby that there was never time to do anything, even eat it wasn't possible to wait it out because it never seemed to end

As long as H is somewhere safe, is fed and clean she'll be just fine to wait while you do what you need to do.

 

[ChocolateC]

Yes, of course! I do try to get back to DS within 5 minutes of him starting to cry, but as others have said, you are also a human being and you have to take care of your basic needs at the very least. Sometimes I'll be doing something like cooking or laundry and I'll just finish the immediate task I'm doing (like chopping something up for dinner) and then get him, soothe him or let him suckle to calm down, then put him in a chair or swing for a few minutes, then repeat. It can take a while to get things done but that's life with a little baby.
A sling can be VERY helpful if your baby likes it.
One lifesaver for me: we have a very old carseat passed on by a friend. We were going to throw it away and then DH got the idea of cutting out all the belts and using it as a baby chair. Not for long periods of time, just 10-20 minutes here and there. I have it in the kitchen now. It is really helpful for when you just need your hands free to do something. I bet you could find a free carseat from a parent who was going to throw theirs away, and just use it for these first months.
Oh, and for outings like the park, the sling is absolutely necessary. I couldn't chase after my toddler with a baby in my arms! I use an Ergo carrier with the infant insert.

 

[babyjan]

I feel bad too but sometimes I have to especially with a 4 year old x

Oh like dani said it depends on the cry, if I feel his just moaning to be held then I let him be. Once his fed, changed etc.

 

[laila 44]

Absolutely! Mine decides that her fussy hour begins at 5pm when my 2 older girls come home from school. I can't hold her then I have to make dinner, do baths etc so she just has to be ok in her space. She's fed clean and burped all she wants is to be held and I can't hold her Indefinately. My pedi agrees sometimes they have to cry.

Also I refuse to use the baby carrier indoors just bc baby needs to be on me 24/7. That's just not the type of parent I am and I didn't do that with my others so for me it's important she learns to be content in her space from time to time.

 

[Left wonderin]

Out of necessity yes .. With a 4 month old and a two year old most hours of the day one other of them is whinging or giving out while I tend to the other one . Bar those precious moments when everyone is happy lol.....

It of course depends on the cry too . If its just a I'm not happy i want you to entertain me cry ill go to the I'm hungry , tired, hurt cry first ...

Yesterday I had one crying as they wanted to go to sleep . Overtired in my arms about to nod off after an hour of fighting sleep and one sick 2 year old ( a cold)who woke on the couch from a nap who woke crying .. Mmm what's a women to do !! Baby in pram crying for 5 mins ,., cuddles and reassurance to 2 year old ...... And back to baby sometime a girl just gotta juggle !!!!! .

 

[embeth]

If necessary then sometimes.. She is the younger of 4 so couldn't be avoided at times.. Like others have said tho depends on the cry would never be for long tho. If it helps Isabelle wanted to be help all the time for the first 2/3 months I got a baby carrier which helped but not that easy to do all chores with it. Now she's coming up for 6 months she is the most relaxed baby ever!! Sits for ages is happy just so content.. And mostly she would have one of us running to her when tiny to hold her.. I think when they're tiny they just like the closeness after bring inside your snug belly for 9 months.. Don't feel bad tho u can only do your best bubba will be just fine xxx

 

[CRWx]

If she's just fussing/whining then yeah I do leave her. Sometimes she just whinges and cries because she's fallen out with herself and she'll stop in a matter of minutes... Obviously if she's full on crying I wouldn't leave her though. I only have one DD though!

ETA- that sounds awful, I mean I'm still in the room and I'll talk to her etc but don't always pick her up when she's having a whinge for the sake of it

 

[lau86]

Yes she does cry sometimes. It all depends on priorities. When she was a tiny baby I tried not to let her cry, but as she's got older and she's crying because she's rolled onto her front and can't get back or something, I don't think that's a reason to rush to her right that second. With the best will in the world, sometimes she has to wait- usually due to me or the two boys needing the toilet!

 

[Starlight32]

Not sure how you ladies with more than one do it! I have one and I'm finding it challenging to use the bathroom lol. I only put her down if she is fed and changed, she's crying because I had to out her down to do something quickly. I still feel guilty though and wish a carrier could work for us. I'm hoping it will in the near future.

 

[Perplexed]

Well my younger baby is a bit older now, and I do understand being sensitive to crying as I am- even when my friends infants are crying lol. But sometimes you just have to do it. My daughter also needs attention and when you have more than one youngster, one is bound to cry while you tend to the other.

Also, when my daughter was little I would borderline a panic attack if DH went to work and I haven't showered yet. It just means I can't shower or even use the bathroom, lol. He still remembers my panic striken face telling him, "no, please don't leave yet, just five minutes," because she will cry for the entire duration of my being in the bathroom. My son was never like this- he didn't need me to be with him from the moment his eyes open in the morning. I often just found him in bed looking around or cooing even when he was really little. So subsequent children won't necessarily have the same needs!

My daughter also didn't like being in a carrier or sling. I think she figured out that these aren't mommy's arms holding her, LOL!