Do you feel like you need to hide your loss on here?

[momto4girls]

You know, I had 4 babies before a loss. And when I got pregnant with my #5, I didn't even think "oh, what if I miscarry?" b/c I was blind to the fact that it COULD happen. Then it did at 14 1/2 weeks. I had no idea anything was even wrong. I went in for my regular appointment and there was baby, with no heart beating. I had no signs of miscarriage whatsoever, no spotting, nothing. I'm 11 weeks and a day today, and I know if 3weeks3days I will probably have a nervous breakdown. There is no explanation for my loss, it just happened. (We did all the genetic screening and stuff, just to make sure b/c we knew we wanted future children and if there was an issue we wanted to be prepared next time. It has proven to come in handy as I am still seeing a perinatal doctor and he inquired about my loss and if it was genetic related) It does bug me when people expect me to "get over it" to "forget about it, it happened". That baby was and always will be my baby. I'm sorry people expect you to hide your loss. That's your baby, always will be. I have my ultrasound pictures hanging on the wall in a frame, and people think its morbid.

 

[Pretty Please]

Honesty is the best policy !

There is always someone who might get upset and especially that this is a writing forum which can always be easily taken out of context. Compared to if you were speaking to that person face to face.

I think you should write what you need to write - dont be judged by anyone. No one knows you and it can help you if you write about your emotions. Also, it can help others who are going through the same processes with their loses and not feeling like weird odd bods.

You go for it honey and as long as there is no nasty feelings I would write what ever you felt was necessary xxxx

 

[goddess25]

I think you have just had a bad experience.. I have never felt the need to hide my losses either of them and like you say since we have experienced it we are in a position to advise.. I have found nothing but support on here about it. Sorry you have had a negative reaction.

 

[sausages]

How awful you have to feel that way. Thankfully so far i have had nothing but support, ut then i haven't really posted about it that much. If it's not relevant i tend to just not mention it.

However, i do feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall when i try to warn people if their in a risk group for the condition i lost my son to. People just completely ignore what i've said as if it's not important. They think that because something is relatively rare it's not worth thinking about. Or they carry around this whole "it wouldn't happen to me" attitude. How on earth are you meant to balance shocking them into taking notice by saying "i didn't think it would happen to me, but my dead baby shows it did" and not scaring them half to death!!?

 

[louley]

hey,
I havent been a member for long and to be honest have really only been in this part of the forum, mainly cos im a worrier and do not have any people around me who know how it feels, nearly cried reading your post! i can understand it frightens them as i was blissfully unware of how tricky it could all be until i lost i lost my first, but that doesn't make it right!
Stay rest assured it seems you have alot of love n support on here

 

[87lianne]

i feel exactly the same as you. I feel its almost as if it shouldnt be mentioned anywhere else but in this section as it scares people. Reality is that it does happen and before i had my mmc at 16weeks i was quite niave into thinking that i was safe and i didnt think it would ever happen to me. how wrong could i be

 

[FierceAngel]

hugs all round xxx

 

[Vickieh1981]

I saw the thread where the lady lost her little one. I can see why it would upset people.

I always put exactly what I was posting about on the other baby site I use after I lost Isabella and I know that a lot of people appreciated that because they were due at the same time as me and could then choose not to read if they were feeling sensitive.

I do see both sides of it

 

[dizzynic]

To have the innocence again would be wonderful unfortunatly people will always be like that and react in this way its their way of going Lalalalalalala i'm not listening .Because losing a child is horrible at whatever stage it happens i myself had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and a stillbirth at 38+3 weeks ,i am now 4 weeks pregnant and feel like i need knocked out and woken up when babbas born allsorts running through my mind i think a trip to see councillor is in order x

 

[indy and lara]

I don't post often in the loss sections here but I never, ever hide the fact that our son died. Why should I? I will not deny he was here or he existed because he was. He is a part of OH and I. I can understand that it may be hard to hear but it was a lot harder to live through. My 2nd pg was terrifying- I was hugh risk and there were a lot of bumps along the way but at least this time I knew that losses can be late as well as early- 1st time round I really had no idea that things could go wrong beyond 12 weeks and that was part of the reason why we found it so hard to cope.

((())) hun

Lesley
x

 

[holly2234]

I find people reply to the rest of my post but not to the part about my loss. Mine was at 12 weeks and i had no signs apart from a bit of brown blood the day before my routine scan which the emergency midwife told me was completely normal, as did A&E staff. I didnt believe them as much as i convinced myself i should and in the end im glad i didnt. Because the worst thing about it was walking back out of the hospital when i found out past the waiting room full of pregnant women. Then i went to stay with my MIL and she didnt and wouldnt understand why it was very hard for me to go to my SIL's baby shower nevermind me sitting down and telling her the reasons why. In the end i went out before the time of the baby shower so that i couldnt be found as it was just too hard to explain a second time why i wouldnt be there. Also when i found out my friend knew and said she couldnt stop crying. That hurt me most because i thought what right have you got to try and get sympathy out of me and she didnt understand that the the next 2 months i didnt want to see or talk to anybody and wouldnt accept it. So really the worst experiences were with people i knew in real life as the ones online i try my best to turn a blind eye to. Sorry for the long post!

 

[marnie79]

I have been really trying to poke my head out into the other forums and am now trying to get a bit more involved in the second try, but tbh im finding it hard which is prob my own fault but some of the topics r silly i.e im jealious of people who can spend 500 on a pram!! well im jealious of people who have a live baby !! see now thats not fair cause its not there fault, its my own problem, i think im just struggeling to connect with them and im very aware of my siggy for my sleeping son when ever i reply to a post. I suppose im just used to being in the stillbirth section where i feel safe and know im with people who understand more.
Really do wish i didnt find it all so hard