Do you find yourself strangely invested in your child's friendships?

[Natsku]

I never expected to care this deeply about Maria's friendships and worry so much whenever there's a problem. I'm sure I didn't care this much about my own friendships when I was a kid!

Maria has been a bit mean to her best friend lately, refusing to play with her in favour of another girl who is often a bit mean to her and I just want to say "Noooooo, don't play with that girl, play with Janita instead!!" but I do want her to determine her own friendships (although I have told her that she shouldn't mean and its perfectly possible for all of them to play together, which is what her teacher is telling her too)

Does this get easier when kids get older?! I don't want to be panicking about friendship drama when she's a teenager and its happening all the time!

 

[RachA]

I think it's natural to worry about their friendships because we can remember how we felt when we were their age and we want to protect them.

I would say that you definitely need to step back and let them learn themselves. Obviously do what you did and reinforce that it's not nice to be mean etc.
as they get older the issues can get worse so I wouldn't start interfering now.

My sister had an expierence with her daughter at school where the daughter said something to another girl in her class-she honestly didn't know that what she was saying was mean (they were 5) but the other girl told her mum who complained massively to the head who then had to have my sister in to talk to her. It was totally blown out of proportion by a parent who always interfered in her daughters friendships!

 

[Natsku]

Yeah I really don't want to be that mum

 

[RachA]

I get how hard it is though.
Daniel had a friend round on Tuesday-he's never been round before and I spent 5 hours watching them trying to work out if this boy was enjoying himself or not! I was really worried that he wouldn't enjoy himself and wouldn't want to come again. Daniel had no such worries!

 

[Natsku]

At least Daniel wasn't worried! I bet I'll have the same worries when Maria starts having friends round. I dread it actually because I'll have to speak Finnish to her friends (and parents too!), though I get a bit of practice now as one of the girls at her daycare is very chatty when I come pick Maria up.

 

[Cattia]

I'm like this, Abigail has a friend who really is quite mean to her when there are other kids around although when it's just the two of them, she plays really nicely with her. I know she has to learn to stand up to this girl but I find it REALLY hard not to interfere. I worry a lot about her friendships, I think it's good that now she's in school full time I don't see what happens all day so I have to take a step back!

 

[gingajewel]

Oh gosh this is me totally! Meg went to a private nursery due to me working, so when she started school in September she was one of only two children that hadn't been to the school nursery and so all the other children in her class new each other and had already spent a year together. I find myself asking her all the time who she has played with, about her friends and if she played by herself in the day! I no she has lots of friends and at parents evening they told me she is popular and has lots of friends but I still worry constantly!! And if we have friends over I worry constantly that they might be bored!!
I am trying my hardest to step back, I dont want to be that mom. .....but I cant help but worry!!

 

[sue_88]

I think I will be the same, and I'm already worried about it. I was horrendously bullied from primary through high school and I just hope M has an easier ride and makes better friendship choices than I tried to make.

 

[Natsku]

Glad I'm not the only one that worries so much!!

 

[dani_tinks]

Goodness I worry so much about his friendships! I was bullied in school and I find it really hard to not over think even though I know they're still so young.

Jacob's 'best friend' has decided he doesn't want to play with Jacob anymore and it breaks my heart when he asks me why. They are very fickle at this age though aren't they?!

 

[Wriggley]

I can honestly say my oldest has been in Nursery for a long while now and ive never really thought about his friends. he loves going and comes home happy and mentions a few names but I dont really worry about how nicely they play etc... he went through a stage of coming home and saying another child is mean to him... i didnt know the child and just told my son that if he didnt wanna play with him just tell him. he used to say he was 'naughty' and 'mean' and i told him that hes probably not naughty or mean and that hes probably just over excited and plays a little rough... few months later i actually met the little boy and just as i thought he was just a little on the hypa/excited side

I think children need to learn for themselfs this sort of thing.

there is a little girl in his room that does not like going on community trips and they can only convince her to go if my little boy is going... hes been off for the easter holidays and apparantly shes been asking for me and was excited to see him when he returned yesterday!

 

[catty]

I am already like this! make sure he sees his friends once a week so they dont forget each other haha hes not even 2!
I am worried though lucas has perthes disease which means for the time being he walks with a limp amd most likely his legs will be different lengths. he might not be great at sport, I always worry he will be bullied for this (kods cam be so mean) so I think il be too annoyingly invested when hes older.