Do you sometimes have to hold back

[Mrs Doddy]

From replying to some posts following your experiences of losses????

I often see posts saying if you are not bleeding or not in pain everything is ok and not to worry unless you have it, I often type a reply and then delete it because I don't want the poster to worry unnecssarly as it may not happen but sometimes I feel that there is not enough awarness of a mc/mmc - and I am including myself in this because I thought the same, that's why I fell hard when we went to the 12 week scan to find all was not ok. I am also now aware that just because I might go to my 12 week scan in a week and everything is ok, it doesn't mean that it's then 100% ok to relax because things can go wrong after that- although less likely it does happen.

I have also realised that by having suffered a loss my aniexty is high and I will never have the blisful pregnant feeling, there will always be worry and how jealous I am of people that are excited and happy(though I'm sure they do worry too but just try to think positive)

Feel free to ignore me, am having pre scan worries

 

[Hoolie]

It's much the same here for me. Every scan is just an indication to me how things are up to that point. I never assume it will be okay throughout my pregnancy. We've come to accept that the whole pregnancy and probably beyond we'll be more cautious and aware of what can go wrong.

When I do read people's posts I try and remind myself that they haven't had the same experiences as me so their outlook is lot different.

I just sometimes wish people would do the same for me in real life. I am constantly asked by people who know I've lost a baby if I'm going to find out the sex and it annoys me that they are so divorced from the way I feel. The sex is the last thing on my mind when I go for my scans. I am not even really interested in gettin photo's. All I do is look straight to where the heart is and wait with bated breath for the sonographers opinion on the health of my baby.

Alex

 

[littleblonde]

The one that i hold back from is when people say if its brown blood its old blood and will be ok. My loss i bled brown for a week just on wiping and then i had a miscarriage. The blood only went red when i miscarried. So i would always get brown blood checked. This pregnancy i bled brown and red and im ok. So i just tell people if its brown or red to get checked out. But then i dont want to bring people down as often brown is old.Having a loss takes all the innocents and fun out of pregnany. I have never relaxed in this pregnancy. By wednesday lunch time my little girl will be in my arms and im still worried.

 

[littleblonde]

It's much the same here for me. Every scan is just an indication to me how things are up to that point. I never assume it will be okay throughout my pregnancy. We've come to accept that the whole pregnancy and probably beyond we'll be more cautious and aware of what can go wrong.

When I do read people's posts I try and remind myself that they haven't had the same experiences as me so their outlook is lot different.

I just sometimes wish people would do the same for me in real life. I am constantly asked by people who know I've lost a baby if I'm going to find out the sex and it annoys me that they are so divorced from the way I feel. The sex is the last thing on my mind when I go for my scans. I am not even really interested in gettin photo's. All I do is look straight to where the heart is and wait with bated breath for the sonographers opinion on the health of my baby.

Alex

I no how you feel. I was alwasy like that with scans. If since i have felt her move i still hold my breath while they check her heart,

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Thanks alex, glad to know it's not just me, am seriously worried I am developing an unhealthy aniexty in this pregnant that is going to drive me mad, I just can't relax, there is nothing I can do if something did go wrong - maybe that's half the problem I feel helpless and not in control on what is supposed to be a happy time, I have several friends are also pregnant at the moment but I can't talk to then as they are on their second healthy pregnancies and they wouldn't understand

 

[Mrs Doddy]

The one that i hold back from is when people say if its brown blood its old blood and will be ok. My loss i bled brown for a week just on wiping and then i had a miscarriage. The blood only went red when i miscarried. So i would always get brown blood checked. This pregnancy i bled brown and red and im ok. So i just tell people if its brown or red to get checked out. But then i dont want to bring people down as often brown is old.Having a loss takes all the innocents and fun out of pregnany. I have never relaxed in this pregnancy. By wednesday lunch time my little girl will be in my arms and im still worried.

I wish you all the luck for your birth sweetie xx

 

[Jellyt]

I'm exactly the same. My second loss was a mmc and I bled brown blood for a few days first so I want to tell people to get checked out anyway but then I don't want to worry them unnescesserily so I often say nothing. You feel bad if you say something but bad if you don't huh! Good luck with your scan hun xxx

 

[lauraperrysan]

i know exactly what you mean, my miscarriages all started a few days with brown blood, then turned red, with this pregnancy i bled / spotted red 4 times and im nearly 14 weeks now. i think sometimes the women offering this advise have the best intentions but no expereince of miscarriage to understand what happens......
unfortunately these women will discover for themselves if the pregnancy is not going to continue.....i often too want to post my expereince but sometimes i think, if there's 20 people saying the same thing and me, they're not going to listen lol
xxxx

 

[tiggerlix]

with my mmc 14 yrs ago..i had no blood at all,then one day pain that got worse over a few hrs,then i gave birth to my angel at 15 wks..h/she died shortly after the 12 wk scan.I had no warning untill the day of pain
xxx

 

[Jox]

I completely agree

I go in the 1st tri but rarely reply to threads because my opinion is completely different to everyone else. I will be havin growth scans every 2 weeks with this little bean and ever time i lay on that bed i will expect them to tell me the babys heart has stopped.... i will not be able to enjoy this pregnancy or relax until baby is in my arms and even then something could still go wrong

We have to try and remember that b4 our losses we had that innocense.... if only we could have it back.

 

[Smiler13]

Often people who post say outright that they would like to hear stories of hope, so they probably aren't looking for stories that ended in loss, so I don't post. Sometimes though they do seem to want to hear both sides and then I sometimes post.

I do get frustrated when people say "it'll be OK" with certainty, 'cos they just don't know. Personally I don't find that kind of blind reassurance helpful at all, though probably others do.

With my mmc I had no symptoms at all, and only light bleeding with my mcs, think it really varies.

This part of the forum is a godsend!

I have found that some friends / family (in first or subsequent pregnancies) worry a lot about these kind of things, even if they haven't experienced loss, while others just don't think about it - people are really different.

 

[chachadada]

babe i feel the same! and i think it's natural for us to worry more when u have been through a loss cause our anxiety is crazy high and can not be helped cause you cant help how u feel u know?