Does another baby help with healing???

[Bella]

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[Starry Night]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss and that it was a case of medical negligence.

I've never lost a baby past first trimester of pregnancy so I really can't speak to your situation. All I can say is that having a baby after a miscarriage has helped but it doesn't take all the pain of the losses away. It does help me move forward and give me something positive to look forward to. I imagine the feelings of loss vs hope would be more extreme in your position.

 

[Mummy to be x]

I am so sorry for your loss I can't even begin to imagine what your going through right now, I've never had a loss past the first trimester so I guess my situation is very different from yours. Sorry I can't offer much advice but I just wanted to offer some and I hope you find some comfort soon. Xx

 

[JoolsH]

Yes. A new baby satisfies those cravings that come from the loss of a child.... To snuggle up and feel their gentle breath on your cheek, to not have empty arms, it is just amazing. But the hole will never be filled, it is always there. There will always be someone missing. Just more bearable somehow.xxx

 

[dairymomma]

Bella-I am so SO sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. And in answer to your question, yes, a new baby helps somewhat. As a previous poster said, a newborn satisfies that craving to cuddle and snuggle but there will always be a hole. An empty space. My m-i-l lost a baby girl to a heart defect shortly after birth and she has often said that she still wonders what her daughter would be like if she'd survived. Who she'd be. Where life would have taken her. And her loss was 30 years ago.

 

[anxious mommy]

I lost my firstborn to medical error when she was 2 and a half. The first thing I said, as soon as I'd been told that horrible news, was that I wanted another child. Within a couple of weeks, I'd swung the other way and never wanted another, less because I didn't want an infant and more because I'd gotten to the point of recognizing that I wanted the baby I'd lost.

Feeling angry and cheated and heart sick is your right right now. Not just for yourself but also for your partner and precious boys. This is a loss that no words can ever thoroughly express and I am deeply saddened for your pain and trials.

This being said, I did indeed go on to deliberately have another child and am even pregnant with a third. My second dd came about a year and a half after her sister's death, when the grief of our first loss had dulled to a steady and familiar companion and left room for my real desires to be a mother to resurface. Between dd 1's passing and dd 2's conception I suffered a miscarriage and a close associate of mind put an unwanted child up for adoption. I felt mocked. Angry. Last year I suffered another miscarriage just as my Sil brought home her firstborn. Those first few weeks of holding and watching someone else's baby were excruciating. My Sil understood and let me set my pace with my niece, whom I adore. Point here, loss sucks and grief often feels irrational. It's not. The pain of child loss cuts deep enough to scar the soul. Take the time to heal. You'll feel when it's right for you to move forward.

Ultimately, I agree that a new baby fills the craving to hold and protect an innocent little one. However, I also know from experience that nothing speeds the healing of such a loss. It knows no time frames and is deeply personal to each individual. More so, even when you feel you are ready to have another child, you may also find increased anxiety levels about the pending arrival's health from the moment you're aware of their presence long past the point of your last loss. And you will likely still be blindsided by the heart wrenching ache for the angel you no longer hold at unpredictable intervals. In short, babies are wonderful. But only time and a good support system can help you with the healing here. May whatever power in the universe you invoke comfort and guide you through the pain. My deepest prayers and sympathy go out to you and yours.

 

[Bella]

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[anxious mommy]

It is a beautiful thought. In my faith we believe families are eternal and I will get my lost babies back in the afterlife. Mine to raise and hold. Finding what peace you can is important. Helps with healing. As far as the baby craving, I'd hold off until you want the baby because you're ready for another, not because you lost the little one you've held. My second born is so different, even as an infant, from her older sister. I'm fairly certain I'd have been terribly disappointed by that if I'd had her right away. My vote would be to join a grief group, find a therapist, give you and your little ones time to heal, then decide if you want to expand your family again. The blessings of a rainbow baby will fit as they should. Prayers of comfort for you and yours.

 

[shaunakiss]

I know I'm not pregnant right now but I wanted to ask you pregnant ladies this question! I lost my baby last month when he was 6 weeks old. I know many of you will understand how I feel when I say that I want another baby. Not to replace my gorgeous boy but to fill the aching hole that has been left behind. I feel cheated and angry. Angry because his death could have been prevented if the correct medical advice had been given. Because of this we are all hurting including my other children who were so excited to have a baby brother. Our house is all set up for a baby boy and seems hardly touched as he was only with us for 4 weeks before he became poorly.

Anyway, my question is does it help ease the pain to have another baby? I just can't imagine feeling any better right now. My SIL had a baby boy a week before mine died and I can't bear to meet him. I can't ever imagine meeting him. I know it sounds silly but I feel that she is laughing at me. Her baby is alive and well and my baby is gone. This is all to do with the incorrect medical information that I was given and ultimately contributed to his death.

I hope I'm not too late... I lost my son 5 years ago after a medical accident during his birth. Im finally ready to go again but I feel like utter shit for being happy! Please dont give into the aching heart just yet. It's torturous when you actually are ready but it isnt as bad as i know it would have been if i had gone soon after losing Josh. I'm happy knowing that I gave myself the time i needed to understand 100% that he wasnt coming home. That usually takes around 2 years to fully accept.

This is only my experience though. I am so so so sorry for your loss xxx

 

[shaunakiss]

I lost my firstborn to medical error when she was 2 and a half. The first thing I said, as soon as I'd been told that horrible news, was that I wanted another child. Within a couple of weeks, I'd swung the other way and never wanted another, less because I didn't want an infant and more because I'd gotten to the point of recognizing that I wanted the baby I'd lost.

Feeling angry and cheated and heart sick is your right right now. Not just for yourself but also for your partner and precious boys. This is a loss that no words can ever thoroughly express and I am deeply saddened for your pain and trials.

This being said, I did indeed go on to deliberately have another child and am even pregnant with a third. My second dd came about a year and a half after her sister's death, when the grief of our first loss had dulled to a steady and familiar companion and left room for my real desires to be a mother to resurface. Between dd 1's passing and dd 2's conception I suffered a miscarriage and a close associate of mind put an unwanted child up for adoption. I felt mocked. Angry. Last year I suffered another miscarriage just as my Sil brought home her firstborn. Those first few weeks of holding and watching someone else's baby were excruciating. My Sil understood and let me set my pace with my niece, whom I adore. Point here, loss sucks and grief often feels irrational. It's not. The pain of child loss cuts deep enough to scar the soul. Take the time to heal. You'll feel when it's right for you to move forward.

Ultimately, I agree that a new baby fills the craving to hold and protect an innocent little one. However, I also know from experience that nothing speeds the healing of such a loss. It knows no time frames and is deeply personal to each individual. More so, even when you feel you are ready to have another child, you may also find increased anxiety levels about the pending arrival's health from the moment you're aware of their presence long past the point of your last loss. And you will likely still be blindsided by the heart wrenching ache for the angel you no longer hold at unpredictable intervals. In short, babies are wonderful. But only time and a good support system can help you with the healing here. May whatever power in the universe you invoke comfort and guide you through the pain. My deepest prayers and sympathy go out to you and yours.

You captured what I really wanted to say. thank you x