Does it bother you when...

[andella95]

Does it bother you when women who don't even know they're actually pregnant (have had lines on tests that no one but them thinks are possibly BFP and most people can't see anything at all) start complaining that they're miscarrying or having a chemical when AF shows up?

It really, really upsets me...like they're just craving attention. I try to not let it get to me, but it really does. Am I alone on that one? I don't think it would've bothered me if I hadn't experienced losses myself.

 

[jbolady]

It doesn't bother me, but I've noticed it...often.

 

[andella95]

I think it only bothers me when it's recurrent, lol.

Maybe I'm just extra sensitive lately. I don't know.

 

[vanillastar]

I honestly don't think its for attention. I think its just because they have been ttc and really want a baby. So they think they see a line or believe an evap line is a bfp because they so desperately want it to be +.

 

[Lucia]

It doesn't bother me. If anything, I feel bad because I know what it's like wanting to see a line when it isn't there. This is why I gave up testing early with my last pregnancy. TTC (especially after a loss or long term TTC) can make you do strange things you wouldn't otherwise do.

 

[andella95]

I remember after my MMC in 2009, I was so obsessed with getting pregnant again that I'd do almost anything to force that test to show a line. Evap or not, I didn't care.

I appreciate people being honest and saying it doesn't bother them, rather than just agreeing with me, lol. I guess that my feelings about it are just as valid as anyone else's even if I'm in the minority. It just seems to run along the lines of faking a miscarriage because you don't know you were pregnant to begin with, and I have no sympathy for that sort of thing.

Thanks all!

 

[jbolady]

Your not in the minority I'm sure if I keep seeing it enough and I'm having a hormonal or emotional day I have the potential to get bothered, Lol. After a m/c in Oct. I am still hurt by it and I don't talk about it too much and I definitely don't want it to happen again. But I do believe some may get obsessed with TTC and start seeing things that may not exist.

 

[Maze]

It does bother me. A little.

I work at a photo studio that mostly focuses on taking pictures of children and babies. Not exactly the sort of place you want to work during a miscarriage. At any rate, last October I had a threatened miscarriage that lingered for a week before finally passing. It was extremely painful and I was in and out of the hospital because of the pain and abnormal clots. A 19 year old who worked there asked me all about what happened, down to the tinniest details. I didn't mind talking about it since I found it helped.

Then once the Christmas season started (busy and stressful) she called in sick every day saying she was going to the hospital for a threatened miscarriage. Then, after a week and a half of calling in each day or just not showing up, when my Manager told her she'd need to get a doctors note in order to be put back on the schedule... she suddenly disappeared, never to be seen again... because she couldn't get the note. As I suspect, she was lying through her teeth.

So she used my experience, recent and traumatic, as an excuse to get some time off. Meanwhile me, the woman who actually is trying to recover from her loss was left there without help, working overtime, and having to listen to stories about a supposed twin situation.

I was devastated and VERY mad. A little different from what you're describing, but I have known a lot of people to claim miscarriage as a source to receive attention or special treatment.

 

[sequeena]

What? My previous 2 losses were chemicals, is that not as valid as my first miscarriage? Or am I completely missing the point?

I did not 'crave' attention, my friends supported me through those times and I would do the same for anyone else no matter how far they were.

ETA: My lines WERE lines, I didn't go crazy

 

[Maze]

What? My previous 2 losses were chemicals, is that not as valid as my first miscarriage? Or am I completely missing the point?

I did not 'crave' attention, my friends supported me through those times and I would do the same for anyone else no matter how far they were.

ETA: My lines WERE lines, I didn't go crazy

I think she meant individuals who didn't actually have a confirmed pregnancy (by HPT or other)

I know my frustration is more with people who have lied about it to get off work or school. Which happens more often than I think people would care to admit. :/ And it only bothers me because I know how awful the experience is.

I am sorry about your loss. I was not very far along in October either and it hurt me when people would say "well it wasn't really a baby yet" or "at least you weren't 6 months pregnant."

I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant and am terrified it is going to be chemical.

 

[sequeena]

What? My previous 2 losses were chemicals, is that not as valid as my first miscarriage? Or am I completely missing the point?

I did not 'crave' attention, my friends supported me through those times and I would do the same for anyone else no matter how far they were.

ETA: My lines WERE lines, I didn't go crazy

I think she meant individuals who didn't actually have a confirmed pregnancy (by HPT or other)

I know my frustration is more with people who have lied about it to get off work or school. Which happens more often than I think people would care to admit. :/ And it only bothers me because I know how awful the experience is.

I am sorry about your loss. I was not very far along in October either and it hurt me when people would say "well it wasn't really a baby yet" or "at least you weren't 6 months pregnant."

I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant and am terrified it is going to be chemical.

It's awful when people say 'oh at least it was early' or 'something must have been wrong with it' like I should count myself lucky??

Anyway, those who do lie are sick sad individuals... everyone else I feel very sorry for

I spent the first few weeks thinking it would all go wrong and I was a wreck at my 12 week scan but you have to keep positive. Good luck x

 

[andella95]

The specific situation I'm talking about actually happened on another site...

This lady kept posting tests ($tree) as they were drying claiming they were BFPs. We were all loving and gentle and told her not to get her hopes up because they probably weren't. Then, all of a sudden, she posted one with the test line that was actually copied & pasted from the control line. That site didn't have as good of mods & admins as we have on here, and things went all crazy with some people trying to defend her saying she was just desperate and other's getting really ticked about fake photos. Then she came back and said she had a miscarriage.

That's what I'm talking about. It was frustrating because so many people defended her even later after she admitted to faking the pics. (I personally, haven't seen anyone on here post fake pics like that, although I've heard about it.) I've also seen it happen when people are just trying to save face after they've said they just "know" they're pregnant.

 

[Mellybelle]

I've also seen it happen when people are just trying to save face after they've said they just "know" they're pregnant.

Andella, I've seen this too, and yes it upsets me. Its really sad that rather than accept the fact that they werent pregnant in the first place, they find it easier to accept that they are 'losing a baby'.
We know what losing a baby is really like, be it an early loss, a chemical or a later one. The physical pain is the easy part. The emotional pain is horrific and devastating. I know of many women who simply wont test until after AF is late, just incase they do get a BFP and then AF shows, then they have to deal with the loss. They'd rather not know.

Women who pretend to suffer a mc have something seriously wrong with them.

 

[Mellybelle]

Oops, double post!

 

[poppy666]

Reminds me of a certain thread i read yesterday 'That did bother me' so unsubscribed from it before i said something, maybe me being a bit too emotional dunno x

 

[MrsGood2be]

It upsets me when people claim they had a miscarriage to get attention. I was friends with this girl on facebook and she was 16 but a sister of an friend of mine. She claims that stress made her have a miscarriage and I felt sorry for her and shared with her my experince only to find out later that she had just "thought" she was pregnant she had never gotten a positive pregnancy test and hadn't even had a late period. That really ticked me off.

 

[andella95]

I also wanted to add that it's completely different for me if they really are unsure about it and are genuinely confused. I think it's easy to tell the difference!