Does it get better?

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by cowboys angel, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    I feel like I'm losing it. In a week, it will have been exactly 3 years since I lost my first. I had a second miscarriage, but for some reason that one doesn't bother me as much as my first. Probably because I potentially caused it. :( I'm not sure.

    But it's been three years! I have a baby girl laying in my lap that I love more than words can say! I have a beautiful stepdaughter and my OH is my best friend and so much more.

    I have a wonderful life.....and all I can think about is my Gracie. That I want her back, that I wish I had never lost her.

    It does get better....right? I do pretty well most of the year, but this next week is going to be awful. I've been depressed already for the last week, and I know it's just gonna get worse.
     
  2. greeneyes0279

    greeneyes0279 Mom to 2 Girls & Boy!

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  3. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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  4. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    In one word: Yes.

    :hugs:

    I'm so sorry for your two losses, and so happy that you get to hold one of your own, and a step daughter too.

    I don't think anniversaries/birthdays like these will ever become less painful. I watched my dad cry at my sister's grave this week and it's been 29 years. It's supposed to hurt. BUT take comfort in the ones you can hold, and know someday you will hold your little Gracie too.

    And let the peace come in. :hugs:
     
  5. jess11991

    jess11991 Active Member

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    Im not excatly sure what to say! But I am so sorry for your loss and I wanted to send you :hugs: Im sure it will get better. Just keep your head high and do your best to get through this next week :hugs:
     
  6. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    It's been 3 months since I lost my Ava at 18 weeks and I go in and out of crying. Some days I am ok and some days I am not. I am thinking of seeing someone cause I completely have shut myself in from family . They call all the time and I don't answer their calls . I want to pick up the phone but something stops me, i don't know what :cry: I don't know what to do, my husband is so good and always there but I see he is getting tired of me being like this :cry: There is only so much a person can take, he knows I am suffering at Ava's loss and I guess he thinks 3 months is long enough . I just am not doing so well, I feel so empty and so hurt and I feel like I don't want to move on. I know I have to move on I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and they need me so I just hope I can pull myself out from this soon. Does it get easier, I hope so , I need something to look forward to :cry:
    xoxoxox I am so deeply sorry for your losses
     
  7. estewart88

    estewart88 1 Angel

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    I really think it does gets easier. I had a miscarriage about 10 weeks ago and up until recently felt like I'd never stop crying. I still get sad when I think about it but it doesn't consume my mind as much. I know that certain times of the year will be hard - I've already booked October 27th (my baby's due date) off work so I can be alone that day and plan on doing so every year. It's perfectly normal to feel sad around the time you lost you're baby/she would have been born. You are so lucky to have the family you have but of course it doesn't mean you're not going to think about the baby you lost :hugs: I really hope you find it gets easier in time :hugs:
     
  8. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    Well, I'm already better than I was. I conceived Gracie off a rape, I was only 16, and struggling a lot. I didn't know I was pregnant til I lost her. So it was a rough time altogether. I met OH around the one year mark, and he helped me a lot. I've gotten to the point where I don't cry every day, I can smile and have a good time. I'm not anorexic/cutting anymore.

    So I suppose I know it gets better...I just feel like I'm falling, if that makes sense to anyone?

    It'd probably get better if I could stop blaming myself, but I'm sure I caused the miscarriage. :(
     
  9. estewart88

    estewart88 1 Angel

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    :hugs: I know how that feels. I was convinced I caused my miscarriage too. I was so sick of people telling me that I don't know that for sure so there's no point getting upset over it, telling me that it could have been a number of things that caused it. But when you know you did something that could have directly caused it then it's not so easy to think that way. And they tell you that you'll never know for sure so you can't blame yourself. But that's worse, cause you can never know for sure that it wasn't you. In the end I saw a counsellor. I wasn't looking for someone to convince me it wasn't me I needed someone to help me get to the point where I could accept that it might have been my fault but to learn to live with that. Counselling really helped me so maybe that would help you? :hugs:
     
  10. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    Exactly. I know that I might not have caused it, that anything could have caused it, especially as I've had another loss and almost lost my LO. But I also know that those two occurances may be a result of me not getting medical treatment when I lost Gracie, so...that may also be my fault!

    I know what I put my body through all through high school, and the trauma of all that + the fact that she was conceived off rape I know could have been enough to make me lose her. :(

    I have seen many counselors and psychiatrists through high school, because I have major depression and anxiety problems, and had a lot going on through high school that I couldn't deal with 'properly.' My parents kept shipping me off to talk to people. Never had any luck finding a good one, and I'm afraid it's put me off finding one. I'm sure it would help, but I really don't wanna try to find someone.

    OH has helped me through sooooo much, and I know he's been keeping a close watch on me. I don't think he realizes why I'm so down, but I know he can tell that I am.
     
  11. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    What it sounds like is you are carrying something with you - something so tight to your chest that perhaps even YOU don't know what it is. I know you said you've seen many counselors, but yours is a special case that stems in all directions - what you need is a counselor who doesn't necessarily specialize in just one field, but rather has been educated on all grounds, from rape to bereavement and everything in between. I know it's hard to find a good counselor, that's why I'm striving to become someone who can actually help others in this field and be that person people can come to and know that they will walk out with a lighter burden. Hun, this is something that needs to be talked about - and I suspect when you do it's going to open a flood gates of emotions all over again and possibly seem like it's making things worse only because it brought everything to the surface, but if you stick it out, you may find just what you need to stop blaming yourself - or accept blame if you and your counselor were to come to this conclusion (I don't know how far along you were/what things you did in HS, but I want to reinforce that most miscarriages do not have reasons that we can figure out - they just happen) and then you can properly begin to move forward. :hugs: I truly think that is important for you. No one should be carrying around that guilt, that emotion, that prolonged mourning, and you don't have to. :hugs:
     

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